


our fainted thrill carries on

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Biphobia, Canon-Typical Violence, Dissociation, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vague Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 64,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23851477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Michael and Alex both have always had their own battles to fight. Sometimes they just so happen to overlap.ORAn Alex and Michael centric season 2 fix-it.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 454
Kudos: 481
Collections: Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes





	1. The Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)

**Author's Note:**

> i am EXTREMELY excited to get this started. As of right now, the plan is to post a new chapter every other day, but I also made that plan whenever I planned to have 5 chapters written by the time I got this one up. That was thrown of course due to the shitshow that was 2x06. THAT BEING SAID, I've tried my best not to let those feelings mess with my storyline and characters. Each chapter will be in place of an episode, so take that as you will.
> 
> I know the whole max dying thing is very oversimplified here, but we've all seen/read about it a million times and honestly I'm over it so I really only focused on the differences. I'll update the tags as the chapters go on because, as I said, I'm still writing it so I'm exactly sure what all will come up. I'll also warn at the beginning of the chapter if there's anything specific to that chapter.
> 
> All the titles of the chapters will be named after early 2000s emo music that I feel truly encapsulates the true meaning of Alex Manes, so it's fitting this chapter begins with a Panic! song.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you have fun!

Michael watched Isobel drag Max’s body across the ground.

She was yelling at him to help, Liz was arguing with her, Kyle was trying his best to subdue the situation, and Rosa had left the cave pretty much the moment he entered to get away from Isobel. It was all too much for him on top of all the other bullshit he was already feeling.

His hand throbbed, aching with a dull handprint with nothing on the other side. He was attached to nothing. He supposed this was the true feeling of emptiness. The worst part was that he was still pissed at Max. He was pissed at him for being selfish, for shooting at him, for healing him, for acting like his problems didn’t matter. But wasn’t he the dick for hating a guy who was dead in front of him?

“Michael! Help me!” Isobel spat.

“That pod’s broken,” he offered limply. They all gave him their attention for some reason.

“What do you mean it’s broken?” Kyle asked. He seemed to be the only one with a level head which made sense. He was a doctor and all. Plus, he’d been slightly less likely to die in the last 48 hours than the rest of them. Felt fair that he played the calm guy.

“You put him in that thing and he gets fucked up like Noah.”

Isobel gave an irritated, mournful whine and then started tugging Max’s body in the other direction. How much did Max weigh? Over 200lbs? Probably. He was tall and he worked out, so over 200 made sense. How did alien BMI work? 

“Michael! Why are you just staring?! Help me!” Isobel spat, dragging him out of his thoughts. Or, kind of. He tried to focus, he really did. It didn’t seem to work, his mind drifting away soon after she got his attention. 

He didn’t like this feeling, this emptiness. It brought him back to nights alone in the airstream when Max was always busy being a cop and Isobel was always busy with everything she could get her hands on. Bringing him back to those moments brought him back to missing Alex. It ripped that band-aid off, pushing him towards that crash landing like always. He hated it. But in the moment? In the moment it felt good. Maybe he could figure out a way to have both…

“Guerin,” Kyle suddenly said, right in front of him. He genuinely looked concerned which was strange. “Are you alright? Are you in shock or are you having a panic attack? Or something else? Are you sleep-deprived?” 

Michael blinked a few times and then looked around. Liz and Isobel had gotten a blanket and were in the process of getting Max’s body in that blanket to make him easier to carry since Michael was useless.

“I’m fine,” he said. Kyle gave him a look. 

“Go home,” he said. Which didn’t sound right and apparently his face betrayed that. “You’re not in a good state of mind and you’re not going to help anyone, especially not yourself, if you stay here. So go home and get some sleep. Can you drive?”

Michael nodded, “I can drive.”

And drive he did.

-

Alex eventually gave up waiting outside Michael’s trailer, realizing that he wasn’t coming home.

He tried not to jump to conclusions about why. He knew Michael had to be going through some shit on top of what happened the day before if that little moment he’d seen him said anything. He could give him some space until he was ready.

Or, at least that’s what he thought until he entered his cabin and found Michael sitting on his couch in the dark.

“Hey,” Alex said when he saw him, locking the three locks on his door behind him. Michael didn’t look up at him, face just so painstakingly sad as he stared at the coffee table. Alex dropped his keys in the bowl beside the door and just waited for him to say something or do something.

“Max is dead,” he whispered, voice breaking, “My mom is dead and Max is dead and Isobel told me I need to move on and I tried, but I… I don’t know why I’m here.”

Alex slowly walked towards him, deciding the best option was to treat him like a wounded animal. He didn’t ask any questions as he made himself known by stepping in his line of sight. He wasn’t sure if he could actually see him, but he was trying his best. Alex noticed his hand was no longer scarred, a glowing layer on top of his skin. He ignored the mixed feelings that stirred in his stomach at the sight.

“You’re always welcome here, okay? No questions asked, no matter what you do or need,” Alex promised. Michael blinked slowly and his eyes drifted slowly to meet Alex’s, his current state of mind portraying how much he didn’t believe him. “I’m not going to be another person you lose, alright? It’s not happening. Tell me what you need.”

Michael was silent for a moment and then another before Alex realized he didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know what he needed. He wondered if anyone had actually ever asked him that before. So, he stepped a little closer and slowly but surely pulled him into a hug. They didn’t hug often, but he needed it. Honestly, they both did.

What Alex didn’t say was that he was thankful he was here. Caulfield was all too fresh on his mind and, even someone as great at compartmentalizing as he was, it was hard when it involved someone he loved and that someone was not doing well in its aftermath. It was just more shit and he knew if he felt like that, Michael must’ve felt it even more. So he wasn’t going to add to it, he was going to take some away.

“I’m gonna go get you a blanket and you can sleep on the couch. I’ll call Liz or Kyle and have them fill me in, you sleep,” Alex whispered to him, trying his best to be some form of comfort. Michael held onto him for a little bit longer before eventually letting go.

Alex did as he promised, fetching a blanket from his bedroom as well as a pillow. Michael pulled off his boots and curled up on the couch while Alex covered him up. He watched him for a moment, watched him cocoon himself for some semblance of comfort. Alex’s heart ached for him, but he couldn’t just watch him all night, so he went to his room and got his phone.

He called Kyle and grabbed a notebook, taking notes as he got filled in so he’d be able to order his thoughts better. Max was dead, Rosa was alive, Isobel had insisted they work on bringing Max back, and Liz was refusing to acknowledge the facts. 

“Okay, what do you need me to do?” Alex asked, drawing a line under the top half of his notes and starting his first bullet point.

“Um, I-I guess we’re going ahead and trying to fix Max,” Kyle said, his voice hesitant and unnerved. Which made sense. In the margin of the page, Alex scribbled ‘make Kyle talk about Caulfield’. “So if you can help me find a space to make a lab, I guess?”

“I can do that,” Alex agreed, “Guerin’s here by the way. I know you don’t care, but I figured Isobel might.”

“Okay, good, good. I’ll tell the girls,” Kyle said. Some rustling sounded on his end and then he spoke again in a hushed voice, “I, uh, also need to talk to you about your dad.”

Alex sat up straight, his eyebrows furrowing. His heart skipped a beat involuntarily and he grabbed the remote on his bedside table, turning on his TV that showed a screen of all the cameras he had around his house. No one was trespassing outside, the doors were all locked (though he’d double-check before he took his prosthetic off), and Michael was still in a ball on the couch.

“He tried to shoot me,” Kyle said, voice still soft but he was clearly on edge.

“Excuse me?” 

“I was wearing a vest and I put him in a medically induced coma. I just got him in the hospital when Liz called me, so I know where he’s at and he’s incapacitated as of right now, but this isn’t forever. We need to move Project Shepard headquarters soon or it’s going to get bigger than this,” Kyle warned. Alex decided not to tell him that it already was bigger than this.

“Okay, I’ll work on shifting everything I’ll work on finding a lab space. Hopefully in the same building and we’ll see what we can do. We can talk more about the specifics tomorrow, I guess. Are you good, though?” Alex asked.

“I’m as good as I can be. Sore, a little confused on how to be a brother all of the sudden,” Kyle sighed, “Look, I gotta go. Liz is trying to fill Rosa in on a decade of information, so I’m gonna try to help or something. Fuck.”

“Okay, take care of yourself. Call me if anything goes bump during the night,” Alex told him.

“I will.”

They hung up without saying goodbye.

-

“Michael.”

Michael sighed and looked up from the car he was working. Isobel stood a few feet away, face cleaned up and dressed almost regal as if that would cover up the fact that Max died last night. He was dead. Dead, dead, dead. 

“What?” he asked. She scoffed, shaking her head.

“What is going on with you? That was so uncharacteristic for you to just leave and then I find out you went to Alex’s? After everything you said yesterday?” she laid out, not wasting any time. He didn’t respond right away. He didn’t really know how to. There wasn’t much to say. He’d hit his limit.

“What do you want me to say, Isobel? Nothing happened between us, I just ended up there because…”

“Because you love him,” Isobel filled in. Michael turned his focus back to the car. “And I know nothing happened because there’s something wrong with you and I don’t know Alex that well, but I know enough that he wouldn’t do anything when you’re... like this. You were off before Max decided to play martyr. So, what happened? Tell me.”

His jaw clenched, gripping the hood of the car until his hands ached. His left hand had a glove on it, hiding the handprint that felt like a taunting reminder of everything, but it still seized up far too fast. It’d been hurting all night and now all day and Michael had to wonder what exactly Max did to him if he didn’t heal it.

“Michael,” Isobel said firmly.

“What? What do you want me to say?” he demanded, “If you knew I was so off, why didn’t you say anything when we were talking yesterday? I thought my relationship problems weren’t that big a deal compared to yours?” Her eyes narrowed at him.

“This isn’t a relationship problem,” she said, scoffing, “It feels closer to the way Max felt after he brought back Liz. Like something is literally wrong inside your head, you’re on edge.” Michael scoffed, slamming the hood and turning to face her. “I didn’t say anything then because I didn’t feel it as strong until Max’s went out. Liz thinks that since my connection to him is shut down, the one I have with you is stronger.”

He felt something hit him deep in his gut. How was she doing that? How was she talking about Max dying as if it was just a small inconvenience? Hell, he barely even liked Max half the time and it felt like much more than an inconvenience.

“Okay,” Michael said, waiting for her to go on. Waiting for her to give him more of a reason to speak.

“What is wrong with you?” she said, ordering him like always.

“Honestly, Iz, none of your business.”

He pushed past her, heading towards the airstream so he could try to order his thoughts. But she followed because of course she did.

“I reported Noah missing this morning,” she said, dropping the subject of him. That got him to stop walking. This was too much. As many times as they’d been involved with a murder, they never had been so close to that person when they were alive. Reporting him missing meant it was real, meant they were going to find him, meant they were on the radar. Isobel stepped closer, lowering her voice. “I did it so I wouldn’t be as suspicious, I need to play the part of a grieving widow and I need your help.”

“Need my help? For what?” Michael sighed. He was tired again. He’d slept so hard at Alex’s, how was he so tired already? 

“Liz is going to be working on the science-y part of bringing Max back,” she said. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“What does that have to do with you playing widow?”

“I need you to help me work on my powers and work on the science part with her,” Isobel said. He still stared at her, wondering how overworking him meant helping her play a role. “But, when the time comes, I need you to be on your best behavior, okay? People know I’m friends with you and I don’t need them thinking one of us killed Noah to be together.”

Michael stared at her for a little while before nodding. What else was he supposed to do except agree? Still, she took it as a positive and hugged him.

“Also, I think I’ll have to keep some space from Liz and Rosa. Rosa kind of wasn’t happy about me staying at Max’s last night and looking at Liz kind of pisses me off right now.”

“Iz…”

“I know, I know. It’s not her fault Max did what he did, but I’m still working on that, I’ve only had a few hours,” she said. Michael nodded and she again gave him that look. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll listen, okay?” 

He wasn’t sure if he could believe that.

-

“So Rosa’s good and my dad’s stable?” 

“Yeah, I did tests on both of them. Max literally healed her completely, like any sign that she’d ever abused narcotics are gone. Guy gave her a brand new brain,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes. Alex couldn’t help but give a little smile. “And, like I said, I’ll make sure to keep your dad under until you’re ready for it. It’ll be hard since Flint is technically his medical power of attorney, but I’m already breaking rules for worse shit, so.”

“Thank you, man, I really appreciate it,” Alex said, sipping on his beer. Kyle gave a warm smile.

“Rosa said she wants to see you, by the way,” Kyle said, sipping on his beer. Alex tilted his head. “Yeah, she told me she asked Liz to tell you, but I honestly don’t think Liz is on par with where Rosa is. Like, Rosa isn’t really adjusting to having everyone back in her life, just the time jump, so she wants her friends around and Liz is… struggling.”

“I mean, I don’t blame her. It’s gotta be hard,” he agreed. Kyle gave me a look that said ‘you have no idea’ and then took a large swig of his drink. “But, yeah, I’ll make time and I can go see her tomorrow morning.”

When Alex had woken up that morning, Michael wasn’t there anymore. However, his dirty clothes were and he’d stolen some of Alex’s because they were apparently on the level of relationship where he did his fucking laundry. Besides that, though, he made a pot of coffee before he left and Alex was content enough.

“Speaking of, uh,” Alex said, eying Kyle, “Are you good? It’s been a rough couple days. Where’s your head at?”

Kyle raised an eyebrow. “Alex Manes, are you trying to talk about feelings with me?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, I’m trying to be a good friend or whatever the fuck. Nevermind.” 

With a laugh, Kyle said, “I’m okay, I’m just a little more paranoid which isn’t a bad thing considering. Are you okay, though? You and Guerin cut it close getting out of there.” 

Alex shifted in his seat. He’d slept twice since Caulfield, but he could already tell he had a brand new shade of red added to his nightmares. Hell, the only thing that got him back to sleep the night before was seeing that Michael was safe on his couch through the cameras. Part of him wanted to ask Guerin to keep coming back every night, but he didn’t want to sound needy. 

“I’ll be okay. I’m more worried about him though,” Alex admitted. Maybe he had too much to drink or too little to eat or both. Kyle didn’t say anything. “He was so shaken up.”

“Where’s he at now?”

“Knowing him? Drinking and fucking with shit to pretend like he’s fine,” Alex sighed.

“Pretty sure Liz is doing the same,” Kyle said, tilting his beer bottle behind him. Sure enough, Liz was a few seats away talking to Maria and taking shots. She didn’t seem to notice that they were there.

“He did what?” Liz said, her face twisted in response to the tequila and doing a fantastic job at hiding the fact her boyfriend just died and that she was harboring a zombie.

“He just left without telling me why and now he won’t respond!” Maria groaned, rolling her eyes, “Boys are so stupid.”

“I can’t believe he was even here yesterday,” Liz laughed. Alex couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows, listening a little closer. 

“Yeah, it was honestly kinda romantic before he left. He came in after the storm and just kissed me then played guitar for me, we kissed some more,” Maria said, giving an overexaggerated pout, “But then he ruined it by ignoring me, so.”

“Give him some time. I’m sure he had a good reason,” Liz said. Maria leaned a little closer.

“You know what was weird though? I noticed when he was playing‒his hand was healed. Like, I know it wasn’t like that two days ago, that’s weird, right?”

Alex felt his heart drop, confusion tying knots in his stomach. He kissed Maria. He went to Maria after he promised he would meet Alex, but then chose to go to him after Max died. What the hell did that mean? Was he too embarrassed to be sad in front of her? And to think he almost bought that she would actually step away.

But they weren’t together. Even if Caulfield happened, even if he tried to get his point across, even if he threw his dirty jeans in with his uniform that morning. They weren’t together.

Alex cleared his throat and tried to focus back on Kyle who was already watching him.

“You wanna go?” Kyle asked before he could even try to act like that hadn’t thrown him for a loop.

“Yes, actually.”

“Got it.”

-

“Oh, shit, you got buff.”

“Don’t tell him that.”

Alex grinned nonetheless, rolling his eyes as Rosa felt his biceps during their hug. He’d forgotten how much he missed her. It felt weird, hugging her and being reminded that she had been his idol back in the day. He’d wanted so badly to be like her when he was young, but now she was still 19 and he had grown out of everything she taught him.

“He already thinks he’s hot shit,” Kyle added once they pulled away.

“As if you don’t think you’re hot shit,” Alex shot back.

“Boys, boys, don’t fight, you’re both pretty,” Rosa insisted. They both let out soft laughs, sitting on the couch of Max Evans’ house like it was normal. But he supposed it would have to become normal.

“Where exactly is Liz?” Kyle asked, “I mean, I know they found Noah’s body this morning, but I thought she’d be here with you.”

“She left this morning to go to work and I think she has plans to meet up with the aliens to discuss what to do with the white savior,” Rosa explained. Alex snorted, folding in his lips to suppress a laugh. 

“So, just a question, who all knows about this alien bullshit? Like who am I allowed to talk to?” Rosa asked, “Because the idea of being stuck here forever with just Liz and Isobel Evans dropping by kinda makes me want to scream.” Alex laughed, rubbing his leg mindlessly as he readjusted on Max’s stiff couch. 

“Um, I think you’re all caught up on who knows. Me, Kyle, Michael, Isobel, Liz. That’s it, I think,” Alex said. He was technically leaving out a couple people, but that was territory he wasn’t in the mood for. Besides, those were the only people that mattered.

“What about Maria?”

“What  _ about _ Maria?” 

“Why do you know, but not Maria?” Rosa asked, gesturing to Alex. That confused him and he looked to Kyle as if trying to understand why that had anything to do with anything. However, it became a little more clear when he remembered just how much of a package deal they’d been at one point in life.

“So, I don’t really wanna get into all the gritty details, but my dad was involved with alien shit. I found out through that and I’ve been using my military clearance to make sure no one gets caught when they do things like resurrect dead girls,” Alex pointed out, giving a teasing smile. Rosa snorted.

“You went into the military?”

“Air Force,” he said. She scoffed and leaned back into the couch, shaking her head at him.

“No wonder Liz thinks you’ve changed.”

Alex cocked an eyebrow. “She said that?”

“I mean, yeah,” Rosa said, “I asked if you could come over, but she acted like you weren’t the same person that you were when I saw you last and I had to ask Quarterback here to even get in touch with you.” Alex tried to not let that hit so hard. It made enough sense. It must’ve been hard to like him now that he wasn’t so nice, right? He shifted in his seat and Rosa, of course, spotted it immediately. “But fuck that, you know? I know Alex and you still own a room, so you’re still there.”

“He definitely does more than own a room now though,” Kyle jumped in. Rosa made a face like she didn’t have to be convinced to believe that.

“What about your music, though? Or boys? C’mon, give me all the gossip, I’ve missed out on a decade of boy drama. Spill.”

“Okay, I can’t really help on this topic, so I’m gonna raid the kitchen,” Kyle decided, earning laughs from both of them as he exited. But Rosa just leaned forward, eager for whatever he had to say.

“I don’t have much boy drama, sorry to disappoint,” he said, smiling sweetly. She rolled her eyes.

“Bullshit, you’re a fine piece of ass and you always have been,” Rosa insisted. Laughter bubbled out of Alex easier than it had in weeks. “At least what about Michael? He’s still around, so, like, something happened.”

Alex smiled a little sadly as she brought him up. He’d almost forgotten that she was the only one who knew, mainly because she was the only one who could see it from a mile away. He didn’t have to tell her anything, she just knew. She felt like his only safe space for so long and it was strange to remember that maybe, just maybe, he could have that back.

“Well, to shorten a long story, we’ve been kinda on and off since high school. We’re both just… It’s hard to be with someone when their family literally hunted your entire family, you know? I don’t blame him for not wanting me anymore,” he blurted. Rosa tilted her head, looking at him without a single ounce of pity. He loved her for it.

“Alex, fuck that. You’re a good person and if he doesn’t get that, then fuck him,” she said. He smiled and tossed his head back on the couch, groaning slightly.

“No, no, it’s just a lot. We keep just fucking up around each other. I push him away, he pushes me away, we never seem to be on the same page,” Alex tried. 

“Then get on the same damn page,” she insisted. He looked over to her.

“How?”

“Alex, I know this sounds scary, but you speak to him.”

He huffed a laugh, glossing over how terrifying that actually sounded.

Talking with Rosa again felt like a certain type of therapy he didn’t know he needed, even if it was weird to throw Kyle in the mix. She was always able to unscramble things in his brain in a way that he understood. Even if right now, they were simply talking about what she’d missed over the last decade and they were skipping the serious stuff. This felt good.

A few hours passed and they’d agreed to hang out more until they could figure out what they were actually going to do about her. Honestly, it felt like the first conversation Alex had had in a while that wasn’t life or death. It was casual. And you know what?

Alex felt better.

-

The night before, after Alex had gotten back from the bar, Michael had shown up and let himself inside. 

He was wearing his own clothes, the ones he stole from Alex nowhere to be seen, and crawled onto the couch without a word. Alex had watched in silent amazement as he re-locked the door without looking. He hoped one day he wouldn’t be so impressed every time Michael used his telekinesis. It would have to happen one day. Today wasn’t that day, though, and they shared no words as Alex let him sleep there. As confused as he was, he promised him a safe space and he wasn’t going to take that away.

If he slept a little better that night having Michael so close, no one had to know.

Tonight, Michael did the same thing. Alex, however, feeling a little more confident after his talk with Rosa, walked over to the back of the couch. With a mug of tea in his hands, he peered down at the man he loved more than anything in the world. He looked rough and sad, but equally adorable as he had the blanket pulled up to his nose. Eventually, he felt eyes on him.

“Is this your way of telling me to go?” Michael asked, his voice set like he expected this to happen despite the fact he never opened his eyes. Alex shook his head.

“No, I said you’re welcome and I meant it,” Alex told him, “But I do want to make it clear that I meant what I said before that too. I want to feel like myself and I want to stop fighting stupid battles and work on separating myself from my father. That means if we’re going to be around each other, things have to be different. We can’t repeat. We need to be completely open with each other so I can help you and your siblings.”

Michael opened his eyes, looking up at him with skepticism. He was always so skeptical of Alex unless they were fucking. What did that say about them as people?

“What if I don’t want your help?”

“Well, too bad. I’m doing it for more than just you. Which means I’m re-enlisting and I’m finding a space for you, Kyle, and Liz to use as a lab while working on whatever the hell Isobel is trying to do with Max that’ll be under military-grade protection,” Alex said honestly. Michael sat up so quick he almost fell off the couch. “But that being said, I would like your permission to look into your mother for just you.” 

“Alex, I can’t let you‒”

“I want to.”

They stared at each other for a moment, letting the words sink in. 

“Okay. Only if you want to,” Michael said, clearly still processing everything despite his words. Alex licked his lips and took a sip of his tea. 

“And I know that you kissed Maria the other day,” Alex said boldly. Michael’s eyes flickered back up to him, frozen like he expected that to be the moment he was kicked out. “We’re not together, so I can’t be mad. But I’m letting you know I know.”

Michael just stared at him, not knowing what to say. That felt good. No wonder Michael left him speechless all the damn time. The power that held made him feel like he had control for once in his damn life.

“You’re still welcome here,” Alex told him before saying his goodnight and letting him curl back up on the couch.

Because, as honest as Alex was feeling, he couldn’t tell him how much he needed him only a few feet away.


	2. How To Disappear Completely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets caught up with the situation. Michael finally breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for this chapter: dissociation, panic attacks, vague suicidial ideation/negative thoughts, and biphobia. So much fun, am i right
> 
> title song by radiohead

“Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Michael looked up to Isobel, eyebrow raised. He wouldn’t lie, he had a solid amount of acetone in his coffee that morning, but that seemed to be the only thing that made him stop wanting to put his head through a wall at all times. He understood grief, he did, but he was tired of feeling it. He was tired of feeling anything.

“Didn’t realize I did something wrong,” he said, shifting in his seat. 

Alex’s jeans were tighter than his, but he’d slept a little late and didn’t have time to go back to the Airstream before heading to go with Isobel to the funeral home. She said she needed support going through that which made sense enough to him. She’d dialed up the acting while they were there, but now that they were headed to the Crashdown, she wasn’t too happy with his performance.

“You’ve been spacy all day when I needed you,” she said. Michael sighed, taking the key out of the ignition as he parked. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? Because I feel like you’re not helping anyone. You’re not helping Liz figure out about what’s going on with Max, you’re not helping me with my powers, you’re apparently ignoring Maria according to Liz, and I finally drag you out of your boy toy’s cabin in the woods and you can’t even help me plan this stupid fucking funeral,” Isobel said, her voice on edge. Michael stared forward, feeling that little soothing part of his mind calling to him. He liked that part of his mind. So what if he lost time in it, so what if it made him useless. He didn’t feel this way when he was there. “Are you seriously spacing out on me  _ again _ ?”

Michael didn’t blame her for being irritable. He knew she was dealing with a lot. If he had to plan a funeral for his abuser, he’d probably be the same way. He wondered if he ever would have to plan a funeral ever. Would he have to for Max? Would he have to for Isobel? Alex? His mom?

His mom. She didn’t get one. Maybe she should. How would he do that? He had no body to bury. Maybe he could go back to Caulfield. Would Alex go with him? No, Alex was mad at him. He didn’t say it, but he was. He had to be. He was the reason Alex almost died and he kissed Maria and he kept breaking into his house. He had to be mad. 

Michael slowly warped back into reality, shaking his head as everything seemed to spin and his heart began to either skip beats or did too many, he couldn’t tell. He was too tired for this. What time was it? 

“Michael!” Isobel yelled. He jumped, looking over at her with wide eyes. He didn’t mean to forget she was there, it sort of just happened. But she looked worried and guilt flooded him again. “Are you okay? Seriously, what is going on? You’re scaring me.”

“I’m okay,” he said. She still eyed him like she didn’t buy it, like she didn’t trust him. She never did.

“Michael, I need you to tell me if something’s wrong, okay? It’s hard enough without Max, but my connection with you… It doesn’t feel right,” she said. He didn’t know what to say to that. Honestly, he didn’t know what to say to anything anymore. He needed a nap.

“I’m okay,” he repeated, “Let’s go inside.”

She watched him as he got out of the truck and followed, both of them taking a seat in a booth. He tried his best to stay aware as they ordered and made meaningless small talk, but his head felt too heavy for his shoulders.

“Hey,” Isobel said, softer this time after plates were placed in front of them, “What happened?”

“When?” 

“Before Max died. What happened? What happened to make you off?” she asked. He didn’t answer. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before, but I’m asking now.” 

Michael pushed around his fries with his fingers, looking for the most cooked one to start with. He realized he didn't have much of an option.

“You remember how I said Alex knows everything?” Michael said, his voice sounding like it was his, yet not quite feeling like it was coming from his mouth, “So does his dad.”

“What do you mean?” Isobel asked carefully. He picked up a fry and brushed the salt off one of the sides.

“His dad knows, I said that to you before,” he said simply, his foot rubbing against the fabric of his jeans. Alex’s jeans. They were rougher, worn less, a little too tight, a little less comfy. The only way he was taking them off is if someone killed him first. “But he had some aliens in captivity.”

“What?” Isobel breathed, her voice cracking. He didn’t look at her, but he knew her well enough that her hand was going to cover her mouth.

“I met my mom there,” Michael said, shrugging his shoulder as he settled into his seat a little more and looked at her. If he said it like it didn’t matter, then maybe he could make it feel that way too. It’s not like he knew her long and Alex was looking into her, so… It was fine. It was fine. “But I blew her up, so.”

“You did  _ what?”  _ Isobel said, eyes wide and face going pale.

Thankfully, someone walked up and their conversation had to stop.

“Hey,” Maria’s sweet voice said, giving them both smiles. Michael managed a smile back as she turned to him. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” he said. She nodded, licking her lips gently as she stared at him. She was so pretty. Why was everyone so pretty?

“Uh, I’ve been trying to call you the last couple days and you haven’t come around the Pony, so I was kind of getting worried,” Maria admitted, giving a glance Isobel’s way for a moment, “I heard about Noah. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Isobel said, using that voice that she used when she wanted to be believable. Michael was convinced that no one actually believed that. Except Maria nodded and slowly moved her eyes back to Michael.

“I just want you to know that the Pony’s always open for you, okay? Just… if you want it, it’s there.  _ I’m _ there,” she offered. He looked at her and considered her offer. She was pretty and she was nice and he was a disaster. He wasn’t interested in ruining someone else.

“Okay,” he said.

As if his ears were burning, Isobel’s phone lit up. Where was his phone? 

“It’s Alex,” Isobel said, using that same voice because Maria was still there, “He wants to show us that space he found for the funeral.”

That was a cover. What that  _ really  _ meant was that he’d found a space to use as a lab. Military clearance, he’d said. He had a whole team now that he’d re-upped. Michael didn’t realize that it was only a few papers he had to sign‒something he did  _ before  _ he even told Michael he was going to do it‒and he didn’t realize it meant he’d be getting up at 5 o’clock every weekday morning now to go for a run. Did he have a trail that he ran along? Was it smooth enough? He needed to take a look at it, make sure it was safe and sturdy and‒ 

“Oh,” Maria said, blinking like those words that Isobel said meant something to her specifically, “You’re… talking to Alex.”

“Aren’t you?” Isobel said, voice clipped and facade fading as time passed. Maria gave her a shocked look. “Sorry, I’m just… on edge.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Maria said, shifting as she looked at Michael again, “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Okay,” he agreed. She nodded and left.

“Michael Guerin, you need to explain yourself right now.”

She paid the bill. He said nothing.

-

“This used to be an Indian boarding school. My grandmother told me some, uh, pretty rough stories. When it shut down, the Air Force acquired the land and it’s been untouched for 40 years, but it’s monitored by me. Maybe we can give it a better purpose.”

Alex led the string of people into the building, using his Captain’s voice to try and distance himself from what was going on. It’d been a week since things took a really dark turn and he was still determined to be professional about it. They wanted to bring Max back and that put them all in danger. It was his job to protect them.

“Top-of-the-line security. Can’t be hacked,” Alex said.

“What’d you tell your team?” Liz asked, first in line to watch. He didn’t look over, not wanting to know the way any of them looked at him while he handled things like this. As much as he wanted to protect them, he also wanted to keep the relationship he had with them separate from his work mindset. That’s what had them all not really down for him being around in the first place.

“They didn’t ask questions. They obey my orders.”

Alex scanned himself into the locked-up room, pushing the door open. The room was disheveled, dirty, and unused, but he figured it was better than someplace unsafe. They could clean it up to par relatively quickly if they all pitched in.

“So, this is our headquarters now?” Isobel asked, stepping in deeper with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Yes,” Liz answered in a breath.

Alex stood beside the door as they all took in the space. Michael lingered by the door as well, eyes not quite there as he moved in jeans that didn’t belong to him. Kyle sighed as he swiped his finger across the dirty desk and Alex had to smile. At least they had a doctor to make sure it was up to medical cleanliness.

“That means this is a safe space,” Isobel said, turning on her heel. Alex was surprised to see that her eyes were on him. “So now I’m going to ask what the hell your father was doing holding aliens captive that you neglected to tell us about?”

“What?” Liz asked, turning to him looking betrayed without any information.

Alex felt his chest clench at the unexpected question, but he didn’t let himself react physically. Instead, he glanced over to the other two men in the room. Kyle looked shocked at the abruptness as well, but Michael still seemed spaced out. He was like that a lot lately. He made a mental note to ask him about that when he talked to him about other things.

“Right, I guess we should all discuss what we know then, shouldn’t we?” Alex said, all eyes on him.

It took a while, but he laid it out on the table. What he knew about Project Shepard, what he knew about his father, and everything that he found at Caulfield. He kept most of the crucial information about that day to himself, deciding that was more of Michael’s thing to share. But he explained everything he knew otherwise.

“So, wait, how long have you known? I thought you found out from Kyle,” Liz said, sounding a little angry. He just smiled through it, brutally reminded about his conversations with Rosa about her. 

“I thought you found out through Michael,” Isobel said, just as irritated.

“And I thought we were nicer to people who risk their entire lives for us, but I guess not,” Michael mentioned. They all looked to him. What a better way to get attention when you spoke than to stay silent for an hour? But, nonetheless, he seemed more aware in that moment. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, Alex wasn’t sure. “You guys didn’t tell him anything either, he doesn’t owe you anything.”

“Except he knew about our people, Michael,” Isobel said, “That  _ is  _ our business.”

“And he has access to decades of alien medical tests that he neglected to tell me about,” Liz added.

“They weren’t medical tests, it’s documented torture porn,” Kyle jumped in, shaking his head, “Alex is doing us a favor by going through it first and trying to see what can be salvaged.” 

Which he was, mainly for Michael. And that was rough. He was starting with the paperwork, but he knew there was footage. Lots and lots of footage that he’d downloaded all to the privacy of his cabin’s set-up so he didn’t have to go through the shitty Project Shepard bunker and risk getting shot at. 

“Right. I’ll let you know if anything I find is worth anything,” he said, “But so far, most of it is outdated or just wrong. They didn’t view them as people.”

That still didn’t seem to settle with them, but he didn’t have much more to say. In fact, he was done. The plan was to go home and read some more.

“Listen, I have to go. You all have full access to this room in particular,” he said simply, “Guerin, can I speak with you for a minute?”

Michael looked at him like he hadn’t expected that, but nodded. When Isobel rolled her eyes in a mocking way, he ignored it. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with them being irritated when he’d given them a workspace.

Alex and Michael walked a little down the hall, just private enough that he could talk to him.

“It’s about your mother,” Alex said softly, dropping the Captain’s voice with ease when it was just them, “I found out that she was brought into Caulfield in October of 1948.”

“A year after the crash,” Michael breathed, eyebrows furrowed like he didn’t understand. Alex nodded.

“I’m going to keep looking to see what I can find, but… I do have her file. I’ll leave it on the couch for you when you come home,” he said and then immediately regretted it. He couldn’t just act like they lived together. Just because Michael crashed on his couch, didn’t mean it was home for him. But Michael didn’t react.

“Okay,” he said. 

Alex stared at him for a moment, watching his eyes slowly slip out of focus and start to slowly, slowly glaze over. It was strange and he seemed to simply just shut down at the information. He took a step closer, pushing his luck as he stepped into Michael’s space. Carefully, his fingers grazed the outside of his arm. His hair stood up.

“Hey,” Alex said softly, tilting his head to try and get him to focus on him, “Hey, what’s going on?”

Michael blinked a few times, coming back with a weird reset. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Alex said bluntly, “What’d we say about honesty?”

Michael stared at him for a little bit longer and Alex waited patiently. There was no pressure. They stayed close, staring. For a moment, he loved him even more. Wasn’t that bullshit?

“I think I need to take a nap,” Michael decided, firmly reminding Alex that that feeling was indeed bullshit.

“That’s it?” Alex asked. Michael stared at him for a few seconds too long before he nodded. “It’s not about Caulfield or Max or anything?”

“Why would it be about that?” he wondered. Alex closed his hand around Michael’s forearm and gave him a soft squeeze.

“I’m headed to the cabin, do you wanna come with me?” Alex asked, sliding his grip down to his wrist. Michael shook his head, pulling out of his grasp and going back to the room.

Something was wrong. Very wrong.

-

Alex was home for maybe all of fifteen minutes before a rhythmic knocking sounded at his door.

He’d already shed his prosthetic for the night and gotten comfortable on his chair to search through more files, so he really didn’t want to get up. However, if someone had driven all the way out to the cabin, it was probably important and, if it was Michael, he would’ve just unlocked the door on his own. So Alex made sure everything was saved before he closed his laptop and grabbed his crutches, heading towards the door. When he saw Maria on the other side, he was a little more than shocked.

“Hi,” she said, smiling. He eyed her questionably. They hadn’t talked in awhile, hadn’t talked since she  _ promised  _ she wouldn’t go after Michael. He felt a little burned, but another part of him still felt that familiar need to be nice. He didn’t want to lose more friends even if they hurt him. “I was thinking we could talk?”

“About what?” he asked. She didn’t answer right away, plastering on her biggest smile.

“Can I come in?”

Reluctantly and against his better interest, he stepped to the side. Maria entered and made herself welcome, looking around the cabin she’d never actually seen before. 

“I like the place,” she said, “It looks…”

“Like a cabin,” he said easily, lowering himself back onto his chair while she stayed standing, “I haven’t really put any effort into sprucing it up or anything.”

“Yeah, but I think it’s fitting,” Maria said. She was making small talk, trying to think of how to broach the topic she really came here for. Michael. It had to be Michael. 

And that made him increasingly aware of the folded jeans and t-shirts that were on the couch next to the blanket and pillow he used every night. Alex could lie and say it was his, but that would be hard to justify when he didn’t wear shit like that. He just had to hope she didn’t notice or didn’t ask.

“So…” Maria trailed off.

“Out with it,” he said as light-heartedly as he could.

“You know me too well,” she laughed, but it was forced and they both knew it, “Um, so… How would you feel about me possibly going out with Michael? I mean, I know he’s your ex and everything, but that  _ was  _ in high school and things are different now and, I don’t know, I think he may have had a change of heart.”

Alex stared at her. He could’ve taken everything she said with ease, but that last little part. That last little part felt like a dig specifically for him. Change of heart, gay phase, what’s the difference‒right? His jaw set. Maybe he didn’t mind if she noticed his clothes.

“He said that?” Alex asked, trying his damnedest not to let on his feelings. That always made people change what they were going to say, always made them stop being honest. Maria looked him over.

“I mean, not in so many words, but… Well, I was hoping it’d be okay if I tried to go for it? You know, see what could happen and stuff,” she said, shrugging like it didn’t mean anything. He just kept staring.

“I’m not the boss of either of you.”

“I know, I’m just… I don’t wanna hurt your feelings when you see us together,” she said. When, not if. He smiled easily, jealousy pooling in his stomach, but he tried his best to ignore it so he didn’t blow his cover. He also wasn’t about to tell her anything that he was unsure if Michael wanted her to know. Their past, or not-so-distant past, wasn’t really any of her business at the moment.

“So you want my permission?” he asked. She smiled, shrugging.

“Maybe,” she said, voice sounding like he’d already given it.

“Well, I don’t really care what you do,” he said, his eyes drifting towards the clothes on his couch. Her eyes inevitably followed and he could hear the switch in her breathing when it registered. As much as he wanted to smile, that made him feel petty, so he didn’t. “Out of curiosity, what’d you mean by change of heart?”

He felt bad. He was a bad friend for this, but, fuck, he was tired. Tired of her lying and then skirting around him for a week before coming to ask. Tired of feeling like he had no idea where he stood with Michael. Tired of not being able to help anyone the way he wanted. Tired of the idea that he was simply an  _ outlier  _ to Michael’s sexuality. And, perhaps most importantly in that moment, terrified of what would happen if she tried to have a conversation like that with him when he was in the state of mind he’d been hovering in the past week.

“I just,” Maria started, clearing her throat as she looked at him. He wondered if he’d really pushed all of his friends away outside of Kyle. Liz thought he’d changed and Maria was scared to fucking talk to him. Maybe he deserved it. “I haven’t ever seen him with guys, so I thought maybe…”

“I can’t really talk about this for him, it isn’t my place,” Alex said, shrugging, “But he’s allowed to like whatever, he doesn’t have to have a  _ change of heart _ .”

Maria stared at him for a moment, piecing together his words. He tried not to feel so prideful or territorial, but he couldn’t help himself. He was only human and he was irritated.

“Okay, so I guess I’ll have to talk to him about it,” she said firmly. He smiled and nodded, not missing the passive aggressive tone in her voice.

“I think that’s a good idea, he knows more about it than I do,” Alex said. Maria nodded and looked around once more, trying to figure out a nice way to configure a reason to leave. He just waited. This is why he didn’t have friends.

“Um, I guess I’ll see you around then?” she said, “Sorry if this was awkward. I really just needed to make sure you wouldn’t be upset.”

“Yeah, no, you do you,” Alex promised, nodding his head. Maria smiled.

“Bye, Alex.”

“Bye.”

If he felt a little proud of himself for not completely caving, well, that was his business.

-

The handprint had faded.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed staring at Max’s pod alone. He wasn’t actually sure how he got there. Most of his day was blurry. He remembered helping to clean out the new lab, but he’d had a little too much acetone and cut his hand open on one of the tables. Then it was a blur again and now he was sitting in front of Max, a bandana wrapped around his hand, and his arms wrapped around his legs as he rocked back and forth slightly. It was comforting at the very least.

It turns out, being connected to someone who wasn’t there on the other side felt a whole lot better than an empty signal all together.

Staring into the glowing pod that showed his brother’s face right back to him felt like some type of middle ground for him to slowly let himself go. As much as he didn’t want to think, he needed to eventually and this felt like the only safe space. There was no one here to judge him and he still had the gentle hum the pods seemed to give off.

With a deep breath, he tried to relax. Tried to just accept whatever feeling hit him. He couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep zoning out. He was going to actually hurt someone if he couldn’t even remember how he hurt himself. He needed to just  _ push past  _ this. He could be sad, he’d been sad for years, that was fine. This was different and he needed to stop.

Except that was easier said than done.

“Just fucking face it,” he whispered to himself, still rocking as he focused on the pod and Max. Was it weird that he was kind of jealous? Part of him wanted to climb inside his own pod and have just a moment of peace. “Do it. Your mom is dead, Max is dead, your hand is fucked, Alex hates you, Maria hates you, Isobel hates you, face it. Face it. Just fucking face it.”

Turns out that exposure therapy didn’t work if it was all of the things at once.

“Suck it up. You’re fine,” Michael told himself as his breathing slowly got heavier, “God, you’re such a baby. Suck it up. Get  _ over it,  _ for fuck’s sake.”

Tears brimmed his eyes as it slowly became harder to breathe and even the hum of the pods didn’t help. Looking at Max’s face only made it worse and a helpless sob squeezed his throat. A groan ripped through his chest as he tried to push it away, but his heart ached and he just  _ hurt.  _ He felt so fucking guilty. Why was he even still here? What was the fucking point? All he did was ruin everyone better than him. That was it. Why was he alive when his mom and Max weren’t? 

He had to get away from Max, so he bolted for his truck. His hands were shaking so bad he couldn’t get his keys in the ignition. His head hit the steering wheel as he sobbed loudly, unable to stifle it as it wracked through his body. He couldn’t help it. It was like he opened the door and it wouldn’t close. He could feel how much his mom must hate him for being so stupid, he could feel how much Max was pissed at how ungrateful he was, he could feel how angry Maria was for not being good enough, he could feel how angry Alex was for not being good enough, he could feel how angry Isobel was for him  _ not being good enough.  _ He wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough.

He gasped desperately, choking right after as he cried harder. Blood seeped through the bandana as he squeezed his hand closed. He needed to stop. He needed… he needed…

The truck started without the key in the ignition and he had to assume his powers had worked for him. Shaky hands aside, he put the truck in drive and started speeding. Fuck it if he got pulled over. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he was miserable.

He was pathetic.

And as all pathetic men were, he was desperate for someone who didn’t want him back. And he was pathetic enough to go there.

Somehow, he made it to Alex’s without crashing and didn’t bother locking up as he went for the door, heart still pounding and head still spending and self-hatred seeping into his bones. He just wanted Alex. He just needed a few minutes and he could fix the rest himself. He just needed a little push.

Michael couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t focus enough to unlock the door, so he knocked and called for him like the fucking loser he was. His voice was something akin to some legend of a weeping widow, distraught and saddened with grief and anger and desperation. 

The door opened all too quickly and Alex wasted not a single moment to pull him into his arms, cradling him into his chest like he deserved it. He didn’t, but god it was easy to believe when he held him like that. He dropped his crutches to the side and leaned against the wall, holding Michael to him and slowly sliding them both to the ground.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here,” Alex promised. A brand new layer of guilt leaked into his system. He didn’t deserve him, he didn’t deserve him at all. He didn’t deserve comfort. He deserved misery. Not Alex. “I got you, I’m here.”

Selfishly, he curled into him and let him hold him and shush him and rock him. He pressed kisses that he didn’t deserve to his head and he whispered reassuring words against his scalp. He held him so tight that it should’ve been making it harder to breathe, but it really seemed to be the only reason he was breathing at all anymore.

“What happened here?” Alex asked once his sobs subsided, gently picking up his hand. It should’ve been healed and he should’ve loved it, but the whole thing throbbed and it now had a nasty cut on it and he couldn’t tell whether the pain in it was from the cut or something else.

“I don’t know,” Michael sniffled, voice just as achy as he felt. Alex nodded and closed his hand around it, applying just the right amount of pressure that Michael felt a distinct feeling of  _ relief.  _ “I’m sorry,” he apologized, still trying to get stable enough to function as those thoughts in his mind slowly got quieter in favor of Alex’s presence, “I’m sorry I’m like this. I’m sorry I do this.”

“Hey, it’s okay, we all need a little help sometimes,” Alex promised, voice so sweet that it wasn’t fair, “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry I need help,” Michael nearly whined, “I wish I didn’t. I wish I didn’t. I don’t want it. I don’t want it. I don’t…”

“Hey, I said honesty. This is honest and I’m so proud of you,” Alex said, his words sending a wave of warmth through his bloodstream, “But how about I’ll call you next time I need help and you can make up for it.”

Michael sniffled harshly, “You promise?”

Alex kissed his head, letting it linger for a long while. He kept it there until Michael took four even breaths in a row.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter the plot really starts, so I'm excited!


	3. Basket Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite prior paranoia, decisions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you ask for more Kylex brotp? Good, that's good, here you go 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: biphobia and anxiety and negativity towards Maria because I'm a petty bitch I'm sorry
> 
> title: basket case by green day

“We’re closed.”

“Can we talk?”

Turns out, Michael liked the way the bandana looked around his hand. It’d only been a little over 48+ hours since it’d been put on there and Alex had to give him a new, not bloody one, but hadn't found himself staring at it and zoning out. Though, maybe having a full fucking breakdown helped clear his mind a little. He felt better and had sufficiently shown up to Noah’s funeral without causing a scene. Having a 24-hour coma-like sleep in a blanket and clothing that smelled like Alex after taking a shower with Alex’s soap helped too.

Still, as he walked into the Wild Pony, he was hoping Maria didn’t notice just how much he  _ didn’t  _ smell like himself.

“You haven’t wanted to talk to me in days, but now you suddenly want to?” Maria asked, voice still clipped. It was out of character. Usually, she was nice to him. Hell, even when she was mean, she was  _ nice.  _ Right now, though, she seemed prickly. Moreso than even Max on a bad day.

“Well, yeah,” he said, sighing as he took his hat off his head, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for kind of just disappearing. It’s been a rough, like, ten days. Honestly, it’s been a rough few months, but shit picked up.”

Maria’s shoulders fell a little as her edges softened.

“Liz told me that Max up and ran off when they broke up right after Noah died,” she said a little softer, “I know that’s probably rough on you having to carry all of that weight for Isobel.”

Michael nodded slowly. She had no idea that the only one struggling to carry anything was him. Isobel and Liz, as far as he was aware, were doing fine. Or maybe not  _ fine,  _ but they had their shit together and could compartmentalize enough to do whatever the hell they were doing. He couldn’t. But, if that’s how this was going, so be it.

“Yeah, but I’m trying to get my own shit in order now,” he said, forcing a half-hearted laugh that faded as soon as it came, “So I’m sorry for not making myself clear in what I wanted.”

Maria eyed him up and down, staring a little too long at his jeans which was just fucking weird considering the situation. He just waited for her to respond. Eventually, a semi-hurt look showed in her eyes and she held her chin high, meeting his gaze.

“I know about you and Alex,” she said. He raised an eyebrow despite the fact that his heart skipped a beat.

“You’re gonna need to be more specific. You already told me a few months ago you knew,” he said. Michael had decided  _ not  _ to have an opinion on how she found out. Alex was her best friend, he was free to admit who he liked in the past. If some lines got blurred and she knew too much, well, he probably deserved it.

“No, I mean I know  _ now  _ that it isn’t over between you two. I talked to him,” she said. His eyebrows furrowed. Where the hell did she get that from? It was most certainly over between them. He’d slept on Alex’s couch for over a week now and not one single time had it ended up with them fucking. That felt like more than enough confirmation that it was actually over.

“Um,” he said, huffing a laugh and tilting his head in confusion. Her eyes changed like she saw something that he didn’t. “We’re not together, it’s over.”

“You literally just copied Alex’s mannerisms and your aura is bad at hiding guilt. I’m not stupid, Guerin,” she said, crossing her arms defensively. He shook his head and tried to make her see that they were over. He loved him, but he always fucking  _ would.  _ He still had to move on eventually. 

“Is this about him texting Isobel? He’s still a friend,” Michael said, though the word didn’t quite sound right. He wasn’t really sure why he expected it to. Even though they were being  _ friends  _ right now, it didn’t stop Michael from finding solace in the way Alex’s sweats hung low on his hips when he made coffee or how his athletic shorts clung to his thighs after a run. There was nothing friendly about that. But still, for all that anyone needed to know, they were friends.

“If he’s just a friend, why were your clothes at his house the other day? Like, a whole  _ stack.  _ I know you don’t go all the way out there to do laundry,” she said. Michael blinked a couple of times and took a step back.

“Why were you at Alex’s?” he asked. Maria scoffed.

“He’s my friend, what do you  _ mean? _ I can go to his house whenever I want.”

Still, Michael felt weirdly defensive at the idea of her being there. It felt like sirens were going off in his mind, telling him someone had trespassed onto his safe space. But Alex’s home wasn’t  _ his  _ home, even if he had stayed there often. 

“You’re jealous,” she added faintly, “You’re  _ jealous  _ that someone that  _ wasn’t you  _ went to his house. Are you fucking kidding me?”

Michael rolled his shoulders back, taking a breath to push away that slightly suffocating feeling that rose as her voice did. He wondered if she knew the difference between jealousy and fear. He stared at her and tried to come up with something that made sense to say. But, in that moment, his hand ached a little more and the fact that his shirt smelled like Alex did nothing to make his mind make sense. He shouldn’t have come here.  _ He shouldn’t have come here. _

“We aren’t together,” Michael repeated, putting his hat back on. He clenched and unclenched his hand, the skin feeling too tight all of the sudden.

“If you’re gay, just say it, Guerin,” she said. Michael blinked hard and took a firm step back. “Don’t lead me on, it makes things harder and it’s just mean.”

“I’m  _ bisexual,  _ I’m not‒” Michael stopped himself, realizing it was pointless to argue with someone who wanted to see him in a negative light. So, he took a deep breath. “Alex is important to me and so are you. I’m not leading you on. Alex and I are over. But I’m gonna go.”

Maria didn’t try to stop him.

Michael got to his truck, his hands on the steering wheel as he took labored breaths that Alex had instructed him to do two nights prior whenever he felt like that. Like  _ this _ . But he quickly reached for his phone, something in his system telling him to call Alex to ask him what the hell he told Maria to make her think he was not only gay, but that they were together.

Alex picked up in the middle of the second ring.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, voice so, so sharp that it reminded him he was at work. That didn’t stop Michael from being a little calloused right back.

“What the hell did you tell Maria? She told me she talked to you and now she thinks we’re together,” Michael demanded. Alex was quiet for an entire second that felt more like an entire lifetime. “You promised honesty so tell me.”

“Give me one second,” he said. There was some rustling and Michael could hear him excusing himself to someone else. Then a door closed and he could basically feel when the phone met Alex’s ear again. “She came to me asking for my permission to date you, Guerin. I told her I didn’t have control over you and she saw your clothes on my couch, that’s it.”

“That’s it? You expect me to believe she jumped to that conclusion from just that? That’s fucking bullshit,” Michael snapped. He didn’t mean to. Alex didn’t deserve it, but that need to argue with someone still was bubbling under his skin and Alex was there. “What else did you say to her?”

“Guerin,” Alex said, voice soft but controlled, “Identify the trigger and breathe.”

They both went silent for a few minutes. Michael closed his eyes and took deep, controlled breaths as he bowed his head against the steering wheel as he thought. The accusation that he was lying. He was still  _ angry  _ about that _ ,  _ but he tried to calm himself. Because this was Alex and Alex deserved better. So he breathed. 

“I’m sorry,” Michael told him.

“Mm,” Alex grunted in response. Michael waited another second, giving him time. “Whenever she came over, she told me she thought you might’ve had a change of heart about your sexuality. I may have gotten a little defensive, so maybe that was it. I don’t know, but I’m sorry if I messed things up.”

“Oh,” Michael breathed, “Okay.”

A few more silent moments, a few more times breathing in sync with Alex.

“Are you actually going to date her?” Alex asked. His voice was soft, the Captain gone away for a moment and in place of that teenage boy who Michael never saw anymore. 

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Alex said in the same voice as before. Then he cleared his throat and suddenly the Captain was back. “Right, I have work. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, bye.”

Alex didn’t say goodbye, but he hung up the phone. Michael stared at it for a little while and slowly but surely started realizing things were uncomfortable between them. Well, not uncomfortable, but dependent. Alex had promised his home was always open to Michael, but that didn’t mean Michael should be using it as a crutch. He was feeling better now, more like himself, so he needed to act like it.

No more going to Alex every night.

-

Alex walked into the hospital cafeteria still decked out in uniform, taking long strides with purpose.

After his talk with Michael that morning, it’d left him feeling a little bit vulnerable and he was not in the mood to keep that feeling up. Which is why when Kyle had texted him about finding something that looked interesting, he was more than eager to put his full focus into that. Kyle smiled when he saw him and waved him over, two coffees already on the little table. Alex sat beside him.

“So, what’d you find?” Alex asked, taking the coffee with gracious hands. Kyle scooted a little closer and pulled out his phone. 

“This,” he said, voice hushed as he pulled up a picture. It was clearly of a tattoo on an older person, the skin a little rough and the tattoo clearly old. The tattoo was some weird looking symbol that looked kind of familiar, but Alex couldn’t quite place it.

“Um,” Alex said, furrowing his eyebrows, “What exactly am I looking at?”

“That’s your dad’s tattoo on his lower hip,” Kyle explained, voice still hushed, “I saw it whenever I accidentally walked in during his sponge bath.”

“Gross.”

“Yes, but it looked familiar,” Kyle went on, “So I looked it up and, from what I can tell, it’s a combination of the Neptune symbol and the male symbol.”

“What does that have to do with anything though? Like, why is it important?” Alex asked.

“Well, I’m not  _ entirely  _ sure, but it was bothering me and so I was thinking that maybe it was one of the symbols my dad had drawn, you know? So I was wondering if you could put it through that and see if it matches anything,” Kyle said. Alex nodded, looking a little closer at the symbol.

“Yeah, I will, but I don’t think my dad would get an alien symbol tattooed on him,” Alex said, taking a sip of his coffee. It had the perfect amount of sugar and creamer for his tastes. He reached out and zoomed in a little. “And, look, it looks closer to like a stick-n-poke style, like he didn’t go to a shop for it.”

“I know, which is why I felt like it might be something a little more sinister than something random,” Kyle pointed out. Alex nodded slowly and squinted his eyes. “Stop squinting, it’s bad for your eyes.”

“Alright,  _ Mom,”  _ Alex scoffed, but he rolled his eyes with a small smile and leaned closer. “Fuck, that looks familiar.”

“Right? Which is weird.”

They both continued to stare at it, searching their memories for where they could’ve possibly seen it before. Neither of them seemed to come up with an idea, but it clearly had to be something important. Alex knew his father and he knew there was no way in hell he got a tattoo unless it meant something important,  _ especially _ something done in such a shotty fashion.

However, it got Alex’s mind reeling and, still feeling a little eager to feel more in control, he looked to Kyle.

“I think it’s time to wake him up,” he said. Kyle’s eyes widened.

“Are you sure? I mean, it’s only been like two weeks.”

“Yeah, but I feel like I’m stuck. I have all the files, but all of his personal bullshit isn’t in them. If I’m going to find out what I want to find out, we need to wake him up,” Alex said. Kyle eyed him wearily. “Besides, the longer we keep him out, the more likely it’s going to draw attention. Might as well get it over with.”

“Well… If you’re sure…” Kyle said slowly. 

“But, uh, hey, before we do,” Alex said, “How are you handling what happened at Caulfield?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “I already told you I’m fine.”

“Okay, but the first time you see a whole building explode and tons of people die isn’t, like, easy. You’re processing it okay and everything, right? If you need to talk, I’m here,” Alex promised. Kyle raised an eyebrow.

“Honest question: where is all of this coming from? Like, a couple months ago, talking to you about shit like this was like pulling teeth,” Kyle pointed out. Alex sighed, going through his mind as he tried to make sense of what had actually changed.

“I realized I’m not going to get anywhere in life if I hide from the, what, two people I trust? I gotta start somewhere,” Alex admitted, “Plus, you’re in this shit as deep as I am and if you suddenly have a psychotic break, I’m gonna have to be the one to deal with everything.”

“And to think I was expecting something nice,” Kyle said, laughing slightly. Alex just shrugged. “But I’m okay. Like I said, a little paranoid, but I know there’s nothing I could’ve done to change it. I’ve accepted that.”

“Guess being a doctor comes with its emotional perks.”

“Maybe.”

Alex downed the rest of his cooled coffee, looking to Kyle with determination. 

“Prepared to wake the best?”

Kyle nodded with a heavy breath. “Can you be here tomorrow morning?”

“You know I can.”

“Perfect.”

-

“You good, boy?”

Michael looked his shoulder to where Sanders was standing, arms crossed and face a little judgmental. None of that was new, of course, Michael had been getting  _ that  _ look for over a decade. 

“What do you mean?” Michael asked.

“Well, for starters, you look like you’re about to destroy that fuckin’ car you got there,” he said. 

Michael grunted in response, leaning back over the engine. Liz had asked him to see if he could fix up Max’s jeep for when he got back and, while he agreed, he got a little more pissed every time he messed with it. A trigger, Alex had called it. So he breathed.

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you been sayin’ that since you were stupid enough to build a bike out a spare parts and then destroyed it when the tire needed air,” Sanders pointed out. Michael winced at that. He  _ may  _ have been a little bit angry when he was fifteen. However, that had been the moment Sanders had offered him a job to blow off steam and started to teach him everything he knew about cars.

“Yeah, well.”

“Yeah,  _ well, _ ” Sanders repeated, “What exactly are you workin’ on this for?”

Michael licked his lips and tilted his head back. “Just fixin’ it up for a friend.”

Sanders eyed him with his one good eye which was something he liked to do often. Michael learned early that he was very fond of criticizing him, but it was for his own good. That criticism is how he rebuilt that bike once upon a time and later rebuilt an engine. And, even later than that, rebuilt an entire car.

“Why aren’t you workin’ on that tractor? That’s big money.”

“I finished it,” Michael sighed, flashing a smile, “And I changed Mrs. Long’s oil and rotated Mr. Tran’s tires. Oh, and I replaced Miss Cecelia’s brake pads. I’m on a role.”

“Mm,” Sanders grunted, “And you chose to do this instead of something productive?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Michael said, “Helps me blow off steam.”

“There’s a lot of ways to blow off steam, boy,” Sanders told him, shaking his head, “Doin’ favors for some pretty girl ain’t gonna get you anywhere.”

“What makes you so sure it’s for a girl?” Michael asked, smiling a little. Instead of judging him for that, Sanders simply rolled his eye and shook his head.

“You know damn well it don’t matter,” he said, “Girl or boy, you still can’t just be doin’ favors for people.”

“Why not?” 

Sanders stepped up close to him, pointing a finger like he was about to say something extremely important. Which, you know, it probably was. So Michael listened.

“When you do that, you get stuck in this cycle of being indebted to someone. You give ‘em somethin’, but then they repay you and you gotta give ‘em somethin’ back. You get stuck,” Sanders explained. For the first time in two weeks, an actual, full fledged smile found his face.

“You saying you’re stuck with me, Old Man?” Michael prodded. He glared a little bit.

“Clearly. You’re like a dog I fed once and won’t leave.”

“Aw, don’t kid yourself, you’d be lost without me.”

“Keep tellin’ yourself that,” Sanders grunted, but Michael knew that it was true. If he wanted him gone, he’d have kicked him out a long time ago. “But that wasn’t my point. You get yourself in that cycle and then you’re the one who loses. ‘Cause eventually you won’t have the drive to give anymore and then suddenly it’s your fault. You gotta avoid that. You here me? Watch yourself.”

“I always do.”

Sanders just grunted his way and turned around, heading in the opposite direction. Michael watched him and mulled over his words. When did that line start to form? Isobel and Max had helped him so many times and he helped them when he could. But who did the last bit? Or did it matter? Was it just his job to do it anyway? 

He realized that, at the end of the day, he had no fucking idea what they were doing. Michael had seen them both at Noah’s funeral, but they hadn’t really  _ talked.  _ He had no idea what they were doing with Max or where they were in the process. He had no idea what Isobel was doing with her powers or if Liz needed his help. They’d stopped asking.

But they’d helped him. Maybe it was his time to show he could be helpful too.

-

“I cross-referenced the image and there’s no matches, so it’s not alien. Or at least not what we know.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about it and, if it’s really a combination of two human-made symbols, then it’s probably not alien,” Kyle sighed.

Alex reached over to the papers that were sprawled across the bed, trying to gather them to put them back in the folder. His eyes glanced up at the monitor that showed all of his cameras. Michael’s truck still wasn’t outside and he still wasn’t on his couch. Alex pushed away any concerns that came with that.

“I tried looking into each of the symbols to see if they had any deeper meaning that I could make sense of, but it’s just the male symbol and then Neptune which stands for a group of three. It doesn’t make any sense,” Alex scoffed, “Three men or something? Maybe there’s two other guys who have it. Maybe he got it right out of basic or something with his friends. Maybe we’re looking into it too much.”

“Maybe,” Kyle said, “But I don’t think we are.”

“Is that paranoia or do you have a reason for believing that?”

“Both,” Kyle said confidently. Alex snorted, again looking at the monitors. Nothing. “But, c’mon, it’s your dad. When has he ever done something that didn’t have some type of deeper, grosser meaning? “

“Okay, valid,” he sighed, sliding the papers into the folder and then leaning over to put them in the safe beneath his bed. Once they were tucked safely beside his gun, he closed it. “I’ll keep digging.”

“Me too,” Kyle said, “Sleep well, yeah? Big day tomorrow.”

“Big day,” Alex huffed, “I’m just ready to get this shit over with.”

“You and me both. Did you know Liz is trying to get me to steal a fucking heart monitor? She’s losing her mind.”

“I thought you said Max’s heart was shredded?”

“It  _ is,”  _ he scoffed, “Again, losing her mind.”

“Well, fuck,” Alex said, settling back into bed. He left the monitors on, waiting for whenever Michael would show. “You think she’s gonna be okay?”

“Um… I honestly don’t know at this point,” Kyle admitted carefully. Alex stayed silent. He hadn’t actually talked to Liz one on one about what she’d said to Rosa. He felt like that was something he could deal with at a later date, but maybe he would need to bump that up if she was in that kind of state. Maybe he needed to talk to her.

“Okay, um, maybe I can make some time to go over there? We can have dinner with her and Rosa, maybe? Or everyone, honestly. Stage it as a time to fill them in on all the bullshit with my dad after we wake him up then slide it over into making sure whatever they’re doing has a reason. Because I don’t mind giving you space to work with alien tech and biology, but I don’t need Liz losing herself in the process,” Alex said, looking to the door as the house creaked. It was natural that it did that, old pipes and all, but it still made him jump.

“Yeah, yeah, I agree. But let’s talk about it after we talk to your dad,” Kyle said. 

“Absolutely.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in the morning, night.”

“Night.”

Alex sighed as he ended the call and put his phone on his nightstand. His alarm clock clearly showed that it was almost midnight and usually, Michael would be curled up on the couch where Alex could watch him. However, he wasn’t there. Not even kind of. It had him wondering if their conversation earlier had actually scared him away this time. But he knew that was probably not it. Michael wasn’t required to play guard dog for him. 

Instead of dwelling on the disappearing man act, Alex flicked the light switch that he’d had wired to be beside his bed and settled into his pillows. The dim light of the screen gave the room a little life and Alex watched it intently. This would be his last night of peace before they woke up his father and yet he  _ still  _ couldn’t feel comfortable.

Every time his eyes would close, the house would creak and he’d jump. Or sometimes no noise would happen at all and his brain would just start saying  _ ‘someone’s outside’  _ and he couldn’t push it away until he checked. No one ever was, but it still happened over and over until his heart was racing.

He hated this. He felt like a child as every little thing stressed him out a little more. Except he couldn’t just run to his mom in the next room because she wasn’t there. No one was there. 

Truly, he should’ve expected this and maybe that’s what kept him from trying to fix his paranoia for over an hour. He knew that he liked knowing someone was close by and he knew that he always struggled to readjust to being alone. He did it after he lost his leg and no longer had a hospital full of orderlies or a base full of soldiers close by, he could do it now when Guerin no longer wanted to use his couch. Him not being there was a  _ good  _ thing. That meant he was healing. And that meant Alex had to heal too.

It wasn’t until his phone buzzed and he frantically reached for it that he realized just how much he wasn’t going to sleep that night.

It’d only buzzed to let him know his phone needed a system update, but he pressed the button to delay it because fuck that if he was going to let himself be phoneless for any amount of minutes. Alex tried to relax into his bed and distract himself, but he couldn’t close his eyes and the more he tried to force himself to calm down, the more it felt like he was going to crawl out of his fucking skin.

Then something shot across one of the cameras and he was  _ up,  _ instantly going for his crutch and his gun only to see that it was just a rabbit. He was a soldier, he shouldn’t have been so fucking scared. He could take care of himself better than anyone else could. 

But the fact was that he was paranoid and on edge and about three seconds away from crying until he suffocated. He tried his best to calm down, still watching the cameras. The more still they seemed to get, the more Alex’s mind seemed to be creating things in them to scare him. Was that a man by his Jeep or a tree? Was that a soldier in the corner of his living room or a lamp? Was that just a shadow in the corner of his room or...

He had three options: suffer, cave and take his Zoloft, or cave and call Michael.

He suffered until he was crying.

“Hello?” Michael answered, voice sounding like he hadn’t been sleeping either despite the fact that it was a quarter past one in the morning. Alex would feel shame the next morning for the way he found a way to breathe when he heard his voice. He felt just a little bit less alone. How pathetic was he?

“Hi,” Alex breathed, taking a shaky inhale as he curled up with his phone. His eyes were still glued on the corner of his room, waiting for that shadow to be something else and waiting for it to hurt him while he was already down. 

“Are you okay? You sound like you’re crying, are you crying? What’s going on? Where are you?” Michael rattled off, rustling in the background of the call followed by the clinking of his keys.

Alex swallowed hard, pushing himself up to turn on the light again. There was no one in the corner.

“Alex, answer me,” Michael said, voice a little urgent as his truck started up.

“Um,” Alex started, closing his eyes tight as he caved a little bit more. He tried not to feel weak, tried to think of how Michael had come to him when he needed him only a few days prior. “Remember how I said you could pay me back?”

“Are you at home?” Michael asked softly.

“Yeah,” Alex sniffled, forcing a laugh as he again looked over his room and the cameras. He pulled his blankets up around him for some form of false security.

“Okay, I’m on my way,” he said.

“Don’t hang up?” Alex asked. 

“Never.”

Alex took a grounding breath and nodded, telling himself over and over that he wouldn’t be alone for too much longer. Someone else would be there soon. It would be okay. He would be okay.

“What happened?” Michael asked, doing as he promised and staying on the line.

“Nothing, I just…” Alex trailed off, watching that rabbit disappear back into the woods and hoping no one came out of them, “I guess I got used to you being here.”

Michael was silent for a few seconds and Alex got scared he hung up or went through a dead zone and  _ that  _ would be when someone came out of his closet with a gun cocked and loaded. But then he heard Michael sigh as he was making sure he didn’t see any weird shadows beneath his closet door.

“I didn’t know,” Michael admitted.

“I didn't tell you,” Alex said, his eyes drifting to the curtains that covered his window. Sometimes his ceiling fan would make them move. Sometimes he wasn’t so sure it was the ceiling fan.

"Yeah, but I should’ve checked in with you. I haven’t checked with you at all about anything, I’ve been focusing on myself,” Michael said, “I’m sorry, I’ll do better.”

“It’s not your job.”

“Yeah, well, I realized that there are a lot of things that aren’t technically my job, but I should be doing anyway. And I haven’t been,” Michael sighed. Alex wiped his eyes as his stupid tears subsided, curling up a little more as he focused on the fact that no one was in his closet or in the corner or behind the curtains and that Michael was on his way. “I’m gonna do better, Alex.”

“Okay.”

"I'm not gonna date her, by the way, too much more important stuff," Michael added in as if that was a part of his previous thought process. Maybe it was.

"Okay."

“Do you wanna talk about it or do you wanna wait until the morning?” he asked, “About what’s wrong, I mean.”

“It just happens sometimes,” Alex admitted even though he hated it, “I can usually keep it under control, but I was trying not to take fucking pills.”

“Keep it under control,” Michael repeated softly, “So you feel like this a lot?” Alex just laughed. A lot would be an understatement.

“Every time I don’t have a distraction.”

Again, Michael was quiet for a few seconds. Alex listened extra closely and focused on the way that he breathed. He fell in sync with it and was only a little startled when the pipes creaked.

“No one’s gonna fault you for taking pills to help you, Alex,” Michael told him as if he was suddenly Mr. Wise Man. 

“Please, for the love of God, do not lecture me right now,” Alex begged. He was kind of over pretending he wasn’t upset. Because he was and he needed something to calm him down so he could sleep so he wouldn’t be a fucking wreck when he had to go wake up his dad. He  _ needed  _ something to distract him. He  _ needed  _ Michael.

“Yeah, okay, sorry,” he said, “So, uh, did I tell you I fixed a tractor this morning?”

“Oh, yeah? How?”

Alex listened to him speak in mechanical terms that he didn’t fully understand all the way, but it was enough to get him to calm down as he made his way to the cabin. The phone stayed connected as he pulled up, parked, and let himself inside. He moved the phone closer to the locks so he could both hear him lock each one and see him do it through the cameras. Michael didn’t hang up until he stepped into his bedroom.

“What do you need?” Michael asked him, parroting what Alex had asked of him two weeks prior. The difference was Alex actually knew.

“Can you lay down with me?” he asked, feeling a little pathetic, but too desperate for closeness to let it stop him. Michael nodded and took off his boots.

“Want me to turn off the light?” Alex eyed him warily, part of him wanting to say no despite knowing that neither one of them would get any sleep if they stayed on. “I’m here, Alex, no one’s gonna hurt you with me here.”

Alex wondered if he could read his mind, read his irrational fears and put them out in the open so he could affirm that he’d protect him even if they became real. But then he considered that maybe, just maybe, Michael knew exactly what he was feeling like. Maybe he’d felt it before and no one was there on the other end of the phone call.

“Okay,” Alex agreed.

The lights flicked off and Michael jumped onto the bed within the same second. They didn’t touch, laying on opposite ends, but they stared at each other. Alex was beneath the blankets; Michael was on top. Alex was in his boxers; Michael was in his jeans. And yet they both felt terrified of the bullshit in their mind. Two sides of the same fucking coin.

“You know if anyone comes after you because of what happened at Caulfield, I’ll kill them, right?” Alex told him. Michael smiled easily.

“You know if anyone comes after  _ you  _ because of what happened at Caulfield, I’ll kill them too, right?”

“You’re not a killer, Michael,” Alex said, but he was able to sink a little more into his pillow knowing someone had his back and was close enough to actually do something about it. Someone with superpowers, no less.

“I could be," he whispered, "If it was for you, I could be."

They stared a little longer and they stared until the panic turned into fatigue and they stared until Alex’s eyes closed. And then Michael stared until his breathing evened out and he stared until he was absolutely sure he was asleep. Then he got up and walked around the cabin, double-checking every lock on all the windows and doors before going back to the bed. He kept the camera monitor on.

They both slept better in that 4-hour window than they had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a symbol that'll actually have a purpose? wow


	4. No One Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna Cameron is back in town. A couple secrets are discovered and kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did NOT expect this to be on time, but here we are.
> 
> warnings for this chapter: references to child abuse & drunk driving kinda
> 
> title: no one knows by queens of the stone age

“What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?”

Alex and Kyle both gave their attention to the girl who strolled in with unmatched confidence, catching the sight of every woman in Planet 7 with ease. But how could you blame them? Jenna Cameron was a force to be reckoned with and it was impossible to hide. She sat between them.

“Looks like you don’t have to do anything,” Alex said as she sat beside them, handing her his drink with ease. She nodded his way in thanks. “What are you doing back here?”

Cameron let out a  _ long  _ sigh and looked at him like he already knew. Which, he guessed he did, because what bullshit  _ didn’t  _ lead right back to his fucking asshole of a father?

After a shitty night, Alex had woken up early to Michael still in his bed and sound asleep. He felt more hungover than tired which he knew was a result of him panicking the night before, but he’d pushed through and got ready for the day. He covered Michael up, left him a pot of coffee, and headed to the hospital. It took two  _ long  _ hours to get Jesse to wake up and, when he finally did, he was too incoherent to even question. It ended up being a total waste of time and it meant Alex had to get up the next morning on his only other day off and go through that shit  _ again. _

“I drove all the way up to where Chief told me my sister was and guess what? Not there,” she said. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Figures.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyle told her. She shrugged. 

“I’m still looking for her though. Came down to talk to him, maybe get my job back. If he’s going to lie, might as well fuck him over with you two in the meantime,” she said, shooting them a wink as she tilted back Alex’s drink. He shook his head.

“And how’d you know we were gonna be here, exactly?” Alex asked. Cameron raised an eyebrow and gave a little smirk. 

“Well, Cap, your little sidekick,” she paused, taking a moment to kick Kyle’s leg beneath the table hard enough for him to jump, “Doesn’t know how to shut off his location.”

“What?” Alex demanded, glaring his way, “Have you lost your damn mind? Give me your phone.”

“Ow, why am I getting tortured?” Kyle asked, but he forked over his phone. Alex unlocked it far too easy which just earned him another disapproving headshake. He got to work at making sure it wasn’t trackable.

“But catch me up. What’ve I missed in the two weeks of the Max and Liz show?” Cameron asked, taking a longer swig.

Alex zoned in and out as Kyle filled her in. Max’s death, their plans to try and revive him, the strange resurrection of Rosa, and the wall they’d hit with much discovery from Project Shepard. They had files upon files, but that’s where it stopped. Their funding and their crew were damn near untraceable, all of them having aliases and scattered across the state in redacted locations. It was making it impossible to stop anything and that meant they had to wait until Jesse was coherent. 

“Well, fuck,” Cameron sighed as Alex slid Kyle’s phone back to him.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, “You still want in?”

“I only want to help kick his ass more,” Cameron said, flagging one of the bartenders down. She ordered another round of drinks for them. He shook his head at how shamelessly she flirted with her. Alex envied her confidence sometimes even though he knew he had his own. Hers was just… palpable.

“That is something I can get behind,” Kyle said, tapping their beers together in solidarity before downing the rest of their bottles. Alex’s phone buzzed in his pocket before he could feel left out and their cheers to his father’s demise.

_ Michael: you good? You’re not home _

_ Alex: went out for drinks with kyle _

_ Michael: got it _

_ Alex: take a shower before you get in my bed  _

_ Michael: washing your sheets before i do _

_ Alex: thanks _

_ Michael: i can’t find finger guns emoji _

_ Alex: i hate you _

_ Michael: never _

“Oh, that’s Alex thinking he’s subtle,” Kyle said, breaking Alex’s attention away from his phone. Their new set of beers had already arrived. “He’s texting a boy.”

“Shut the fuck up, no, I’m not,” Alex laughed, putting his phone away, “Well, it  _ is  _ a guy, but not that kind of guy. He’s just a friend.”

“I too stare at my friend’s texts like they’re the secrets to the universe,” Cameron said casually, that smirk never leaving her face as she took a sip of her drink. Alex just shook his head. “No worries. Your love life is not my priority.”

“Okay, well it  _ is  _ mine,” Kyle said, leaning forward, “Please be careful. I know you’re a little too willing to sacrifice yourself for Guerin, but this is bigger than him.”

“Oh, Guerin still? Fuck him,” Cameron butted in, “Literally and figuratively.”

“No,” Kyle jumped back in, “Not literally.” 

Alex shook his head and let out a little helpless laugh. It was funny that they thought either of those were options. While he wasn’t 100% sure of Michael’s feelings, he  _ did  _ know that neither of them had the time to work at a relationship. It was friendship and that was it.

“Relax,” Alex said, “He’s not going to distract me from what needs to be done. Besides, he wants this shit taken care of as much as we do. I promise.”

“Moving on from the topic of that side of the aliens, let’s move onto something worth talking about,” Cameron said and Alex wanted to thank her for it, “Do we have a list of shit to ask Chief Manes about?”

They strategized for a few more hours until they came up with a solid plan for the next morning and how they were going to approach everything. That and it gave them a bit of time to sober up before driving. Alex took the time on the drive home to focus on unwinding, trying to make sure his mind would be clear enough to actually get a good night’s sleep for once. He wasn’t sure it actually worked, but he tried.

The inside of his cabin was dark already by the time he pulled up beside Michael’s truck, only the porch light being left on to illuminate the fact he was coming home to someone. A giddy feeling pulsed in his stomach, demolishing any lasting regret from the night before, and he walked inside. It looked the same, but it felt different. He locked the door behind him.

Alex went to his bedroom like always, but the door was already opened and a quick peek inside showed a shirtless Michael under the covers in bed already and scrolling through his phone. It was something so average, but it had Alex feeling like his mind was going to explode. In the years and years they’d been orbiting each other, never had he come home to someone waiting for him in his bed. Go figure that the only thing that got him that was fear and paranoia.

“Hey,” Michael said, dropping his phone once he saw him. Something stirred in Alex and he had to just walk in further and pretend he was fine. Because Kyle was right. This  _ was  _ bigger than him.

“Hey,” Alex said nonetheless, sitting on his side of the bed to take his shoes off. Michael didn’t come closer though part of Alex wished he had.

“How’d it go with your dad this morning?” he asked. Alex took a deep breath in and let out a heavy sigh. “That bad?”

“He wasn’t really coherent when we woke him up. He was too disoriented to actually get anything out of him, so we have to go back tomorrow and do that shit  _ again, _ ” Alex told him, pushing off the bed carefully.

“That sucks,” Michael said simply. Alex huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, it does.”

Alex grabbed a pair of boxers and t-shirt to change into before heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He tried not to think too much about anything as he got ready for bed quickly. He brushed his teeth and changed, deciding to take a shower in the morning. 

Michael was still staring his way when he came back out. Alex sat on the edge of the bed again and started to remove his prosthetic, ignoring the eyes on his back. They were friends who were dealing with some fucked up shit. That’s the only reason this wasn’t weird and it was the  _ main  _ reason it wouldn’t turn into anything else. Sleeping in the same bed helped everyone’s brains.

“How were you feeling today? Better?” Alex asked as he laid down. Michael shrugged, moving his hand beneath the pillow. It didn’t move fast enough and Alex saw that he still had the bandana tied around it. He decided not to comment. 

“I’m okay,” Michael answered, “How are  _ you? _ ” Alex gave him a small smile.

“I’m okay,” Alex repeated, taking a deep breath. He stared at him for a few more seconds before his eyes scanned the darkroom, making sure no one was there that shouldn’t be. Michael didn’t judge him for that either.

“Goodnight, Alex.”

Alex smiled in response, trying to relax into bed to get some form of rest before the morning came and reared its ugly fucking head.

-

Michael woke up the next morning to an empty bed and literally nothing to do.

Okay, perhaps not  _ nothing,  _ but he didn’t have to be at the lab for a few more hours. He was struggling to be there or anywhere near Max by himself still, the guilt was too high and he would start spiraling. He was doing good. Good as he could be.

He rolled over Alex’s side of the bed, the sheets gone cold which left him feeling a little more empty than it should’ve. Michael got to his feet nonetheless. He dragged himself to the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee, drinking it despite the fact that it was lukewarm at best. Alex didn’t have a microwave for some reason so he settled for mediocre coffee.

There was something very relaxing about being so welcome in Alex’s home. The front door was locked, including the complicated ones, as if Alex had made a point to lock them all-knowing Michael was still inside. He was allowed to be there,  _ wanted  _ there, kept  _ safe  _ there. That was something he wasn’t quite sure how to process. It was easier not to process and simply exist, take up the space and enjoy it.

He started wandering, looking at all the old pictures and books that had been there since before Jim Valenti had died. There was a picture on the mantle of little Alex and Kyle holding up dead deer, both of them smiling despite leaning as far away from it as possible. When he walked down the hall, there was another picture of the two of them, couldn’t be any older than seven, decked out in camo and holding rifles that were too big for them and grinning. Alex looked adorable, all happy and unburdened and missing a couple of teeth. Michael couldn’t help but smile.

There was another picture though, that felt weird and out of place. It was across from the hall closet and it was wallet-sized, but a closer look at it made it clear that it was indeed a young Jesse Manes and Jim Valenti. Both were smiling, showing off the wedding bands on their fingers. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed they were a newlywed couple. Seeing Jesse Manes look so  _ happy  _ and  _ free  _ felt jarring, but here it was. They were grinning and proud and happy to be married to women they loved. Michael sipped his coffee as he tried to make sense of a world like that.

After he finished his coffee and got lost in an idealistic world where Alex’s father actually supported him, Michael decided that he should probably get dressed for the day. He bypassed the stack of his own clothing on the couch and instead went to Alex’s closet, far more eager to find something that was ill-fitting but distinctly  _ Alex  _ than his own clothing.

Alex’s closet (and entire cabin, honestly) was to a military-degree of organization. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it always made Michael laugh a little when he looked at it. Everything was hung in a precise order and all his shoes were on a pristine rack and his underwear was folded and color-coded. How cute was that?

At the top of the closet, there was a backpack, a duffle bag, and a box. Curiosity got the better of him and he reached for the box, secretly hoping for more pictures of young Alex. As he was pulling it down, his arm brushed the backpack and it was unexpectedly hard. He furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at it, noticing the weird shape whatever was inside caused the bag to be. He knew that he shouldn’t look in it, it was Alex’s things, but… 

Before he could convince himself otherwise, he moved his attention to the bag and pulled it down. It wasn’t as heavy as he was anticipating, but it was still solid. He brought it over to the bed and debated on whether he should open it or not. It was Alex’s. However, if he hadn’t shown him, it probably wasn’t anything important. They’d agreed to share everything, right? And, if it  _ was _ important, there was no way it’d just be at the top of his closet.

Surely, it was nothing. And yet, no matter how successful he was at convincing himself it was nothing, he couldn’t seem to convince himself not to  _ look.  _ Just… unzip and look.

So he did. Unzipped it and looked.

He wasn’t sure what he expected, but when he saw that shiny glass in a large piece that he’d ever seen, he forgot how to breathe. The bag dropped to the floor as he pulled it out, flipping it over in his hands as he tried to make sense of it. Alex had this and didn’t tell him? How long had he had it? How long had it been up there? Maybe he didn’t know. But that was bullshit because this was his bag. Why didn’t he tell him?

Michael stared at it for a few more seconds, marveling at the piece before he scrambled over to get his phone. He pulled up Alex’s contact and started typing out a message, started to ask him what the fuck this was doing in his closet. But he stopped himself. If Alex hadn’t told him, there had to be a reason. He just had to trust that it was a good one. And he trusted Alex.

Without too much more questioning, Michael erased the message and put the piece back in the bag and the bag back where he’d found it. His hands were shaky and his heart was thudding, but Alex must’ve had a reason. He had to. Because Alex said honesty.

He stole a pair of Alex’s jeans and grabbed a bottle of whiskey on his way out.

-

“Good morning, Dad.”

Alex managed a smile as he stood at the foot at his father’s hospital bed. Despite the fact that it was his day off, he wore his uniform and stood tall. It made things a bit easier. The uniform came with respect that even his father had to uphold.

Jesse Manes said nothing, gazing up in the direction of his son. Kyle stood in the doorway and played guardian angel, waiting to swoop in and save the day. Somewhere else, Jenna Cameron was sweet-talking Michelle Valenti in hopes that she’d have a reason to both stay and access to even more files. 

A cop, an Airman, and a doctor walk into a bar‒is there anything they can’t do?

“I think it’s time we have a little chat,” Alex said. Jesse’s eyes followed him as he went to stand by the side of his bed. Alex considered sitting at the foot of it, but decided it against it at the last minute. He could play that card a little later. “You see, I’ve been doing a lot of research.”

“You always have.”

“True,” Alex nodded, smiling, “But I do think I understand things a bit better now. That being said, it should be known that I’m no longer speaking to Michael Guerin. You were right about him.”

“I don’t want to hear about that.” Jesse eyed him, clutching the trigger of his morphine drip and yet never pushing it. Alex smiled and tilted his head back.

“I just thought you’d want to know. I may have gotten a little carried away, but his kind have shown their true colors.”

“Your manipulation isn’t going to work on me,” Jesse said, shifting just a little. His thumb grazed the trigger, but never quite  _ pushed.  _ Alex nodded.

“I know. Sadly, I wish it was manipulation. It took me far too many years to realize that my weakness was an embarrassment,” Alex sighed. That was honest enough that he didn’t even have to force a lie. Jesse clocked that which he seemed to find even more sketchy. Alex shook the statement off and rolled his shoulders back. “That being said, I’ve been trying to see what I can do to help the, well, the family business.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Yeah, I’m not having much luck which is why I came to you. I’m not trying to hide that, Dad,” Alex told him, “I’m on your side. As much as I can be, anyway.”

“And you really expect me to believe that?”

“You don’t have to, but it’s the truth. Honestly, I feel a little left out. I understand  _ why  _ I was left out, but the feeling still stands. You never even  _ tried  _ to recruit me and now that I want to help, I can’t,” Alex said. He stepped closer, sitting on the bed now. Jesse watched him in a whole new level of confusion. Alex felt successful. “I even tried to talk to Flint and he told me not to even bother. I re-enlisted after losing my leg, finally learned my place, and I’m  _ still  _ not good enough, Dad? Really?”

Alex stared at him and he stared back. It was a long stare and Alex truly didn’t mean for it to happen, but there was a moment where it started getting under his skin. No matter how hard he tried, he would always be  _ less.  _ He felt like a kid again, twelve and trying to figure out why his dad didn’t like him. He was no longer looking down at a weak man in a hospital bed, but looking up from the kitchen floor after being backhanded so hard he couldn’t stand, kneeling on rice with his nose to the wall after asking to have a male friend spend the night, crying into his pillows as quiet as he could so he wouldn’t hear, pleading to this man he looked up to  _ why don’t you like me,  _ and he had to look away.

“M.V.C.”

“Sir?” Alex said, risking it all to turn his attention back to his father. He looked hesitant to speak, but maybe he was dulled by the morphine or maybe he bought into Alex’s truth-infused lies.

“M.V.C.”

“What does that mean?” Alex asked. Jesse sighed, shaking his head.

“You expect me to be proud of you? You expect me to believe you’ve never been caught with your little  _ hacking _ if you haven’t come across something so simple? Find your priorities, son,” he lectured. Alex blinked and nodded easily.

“Yes, sir.”

“I need to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.”

Alex got to his feet and made his way to the door, schooling his features as best he could as he walked past Kyle. He needed to go look through everything again, needed to find out what he was talking about, needed to not feel like he was fucking chosen to be  _ wrong.  _

“Alex,” Kyle said as he followed him closely, “Are you gonna be okay?”

Alex kept walking, his mind focused on everything he’d ever read before.  _ M.C.V.  _

“Yes, sir.”

-

“So, the theory is, if I insert this into the pod, it could start regenerating his cells at a faster pace and then he’ll actually be making progress and we’ll have something to work with.”

“Will that age him?”

“Uh… I have no idea, guess we’ll find out.”

Michael put the goggles over his eyes again and Isobel and Liz stepped back, giving him space. He’d made more progress in that one day than he’d made in weeks. Turns out getting fucked up and trying to forget what Alex might be hiding meant he could do a lot of shit he hadn’t done otherwise.

“Okay, well, I hope not. Not really looking forward to having an elderly boyfriend,” Liz said.

“Oh, c’mon, I bet it has some perks,” Isobel chimed in.

“Not without money,” Michael told her, flashing a grin their way, “I would know.”

They both made disgusted looking faces and he snorted a laugh. His smile faded as he flicked on the torch, melding the last little piece together so he could hook it to the car battery. Try as he might, focusing on happiness was difficult to do. How long had Alex had that piece?

“Thank you, Michael, for helping. Seriously, we couldn’t have done this without you,” Liz told him as he checked over his work. He shrugged.

“No big deal,” he said, “It’s about time I actually help out for once.”

“Damn right,” Isobel scoffed, “Do you know how hard it’s been with you sulking?”

Michael didn’t answer, focusing back on the battery. He hooked the wires to it that’d be going into the pod and then started the motor, giving it one last check to make sure it would actually work. And it did, things started moving and he smiled at his work. Would Alex be proud of him?

They cheered a bit, clearly proud of him, and he tried to soak that up. He promised he would go by Max’s pod and set everything up and one of them could go check on him in the morning before work to make sure it was still working right. It felt like a solid agreement and it was a step  _ forward.  _

Isobel kissed him goodbye and headed to go practice more on her powers. That left Michael alone with Liz. Which usually wasn’t a problem, but she had that look in her eye that told him she was about to project all of her negative feelings straight onto him.

“So,” Liz said as they started loading it into his truck so he could bring it there, “You and Maria.”

“What about me and Maria?” he asked. She gave him a knowing look which was genuinely batshit because she didn’t know anything. There was no way she knew anything. If she got her information from Maria, then it was probably false because apparently everyone thought he was gay.

“Well, she told me you guys talked the other day and it didn’t go too well,” Liz said. Michael rolled his eyes. “I know you like her and I know she really likes you. I’m not sure what’s going on with you and Alex, but I think you should be honest with everyone about those feelings, okay? If you keep them inside, my friends are going to get hurt.”

Michael let out a deep breath, turning to face her. Alex preached honesty, right? 

“What exactly do you think is going on?” he asked. She looked at him pitifully. “No, honestly, I’m confused. What do you and Maria think about me? Genuinely.”

Liz crossed her arms over her chest and gave him that distinct  _ adult  _ look that he honestly didn’t think she should be able to give considering the batshit science she’d been doing the last couple weeks. And, yes, it was  _ groundbreaking,  _ but it was also insane.

“Well, we think you’re leading both of them on because you’re confused. And I think it might have something to do about losing Max and what happened at that prison,” Liz said. He stared at her for a moment and started trying to think of who he could call to get weed on a short notice. “You need to talk to someone.”

“I  _ am  _ talking to someone. Alex.”

Liz pursed her lips. “So you’re just okay with him thinking he has a chance by being there all the time?”

“You know I don’t technically owe you an explanation about my love life, right?” 

“I know, but I’m just saying. I think you’re hurting more than you’re helping,” Liz told him. He swallowed hard.

“Tell Maria that if she’s confused about something that she can talk to me in a way that isn’t just accusing me of being a piece of shit,” he told her, “Because if there’s one thing on this entire fucking planet that I’m  _ not  _ confused about, it’s my really pointless love life.”

“So you don’t want either of them?”

“Yes, Liz,” he said, opening the driver’s side door, “Right now, I don’t want either of them.”

“Tell them that, Michael,” Liz told him, “Because the last thing I need is a shitty fucking love triangle making you all useless.”

He slammed the door closed. He didn’t know how to tell her he thought he already had. Clearly, he wasn’t making any sense anymore.

“I’m going to go rig this up to Max,” Michael said, “I’ll see you when I see you.”

“Alex wants us to have a get together soon,” she said, grabbing ahold of the door, “To talk about his dad. So I’ll see you there and I would like it if you made it clear that you aren’t interested in either of them before then.”

“You say that like Maria will even be there.”

“Alex will be.”

How exactly did he tell her that Alex would also be right beside him in bed in a few hours' time, too?

“Right. See you then.”

He drove a little recklessly towards the cave where Max was, waiting until he was on the road alone before he dug under the seat to find the bottle of whiskey he’d stashed there before he got to the lab. He kept an eye on the road as he downed the rest of it. He threw the empty bottle in the back, shaking his head as he tried to make it settle in his bloodstream faster. Of course, that didn’t work, but a man could dream.

Michael walked into the cave with his mindset to get in and out as fast as he could. Staring at Max made him feel like he was going to fucking lose it all over again. Did that make him a bad person? He couldn’t even look at his brother without wanting to get the fuck out of there?

“You know what, you’re a lucky bastard,” Michael scoffed, starting to put the battery rig up, “If I could check out for a few weeks or months, I’d do that shit in a heartbeat.”

He turned to Max with the silver end in hand, sighing slowly. This was okay. This was fine.

“You know Alex has a piece of the ship and he didn’t tell me about it. Why do you think he’d do that? Because I can’t think of a reason why.”

Slowly, he pushed the end into the pod and made sure it was secure before turning back to the battery. He double-checked that everything was on right before he turned it on. A quick look to Max showed that it wasn’t doing anything  _ bad  _ on sight, so it felt like a win.

“I thought, uh, I thought maybe he was hiding it from me on purpose. Maybe he knows more about it than I do and it’ll make me, like, power-hungry and he’s protecting me. But that’s bullshit, huh?”

He put his hand on the pod, feeling that normal low vibration hum a bit stronger. He nodded and refused to let himself feel too prideful. 

“He’s not gonna protect me like that,” Michael said, “Right?”

It wasn’t long before Michael was sure it would hold and he decided to get back home. Alex was probably already there and then he could feel him out, see if he could decipher why on earth he’d be keeping that from him when he promised honesty. Was it selective honesty? Still, he told Max goodnight and got back to his truck.

He drained the rest of his acetone stash before he got to the cabin.

Michael let himself into the cabin, the strange mix of confusion and comfort filling him to the brim as he did so. He wanted Alex more than anything and the agreement to make that happen was unbridled honesty. So why was he hiding that piece?

He stumbled over his feet a little bit as he reached the bedroom, bracing himself in the doorway. Alex sat up in surprise, the bedroom light already on. It was a cold night, apparently, and Alex was wearing a long-sleeved shirt that was a little baggy on him and looked so comfy it hurt. Despite the secret-keeping, Michael smiled at him.

“You look cozy.”

“You look fucked,” Alex said, shaking his head in disappointment. Michael shrugged his shoulders and moved further into the room, trying his best not to stumble as he kicked off his shoes and took off his shirt at the same time. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Hmm, a fifth of whiskey, a couple of bottles of acetone, it’s all good,” he promised. Alex pressed his lips in a thin line.

“Why? What happened?”

“Oh, nothing,” Michael said, unbuckling his jeans. Alex really did look comfy, but that didn’t mean he could say anything. If Alex was keeping a secret, there was a reason for it.  _ Liar, liar, world on fire.  _ Or something. “Oh! Your dad. How’d that go?”

“Good,” Alex said hesitantly. He held out his hand out to Michael, ushering him closer. Michael couldn’t help but smile at that invitation, crawling onto the bed and straight on top of him. Alex wrapped his arm around his neck, pulling him down and keeping in the safe space against his bicep. So this was heaven. “Why’d you get so drunk?”

“People are annoying,” Michael grumbled, breathing in the scent of him as he nuzzled his nose in the crook of his armpit. Alex squirmed a bit, but didn’t push him away. 

“That’s it?”

“Went to talk to Liz and Isobel about what I could do to help. Isobel’s already getting really good at telekinesis,” Michael told him, “Is it bad if I’m kind of annoyed about it? Like, I’m happy for her, but I just feel like… I don’t know, I feel like I need to show her up or something. It’s stupid.”

“No, not stupid. That was your thing for so long and now someone else is good at it too. It’s normal to feel like that,” Alex assured him, voice soft as he went along with the subject change, “Just don’t act like a dick about it.”

“I’m trying. She broke a vase today and my first reaction was ‘oh yeah, I bet I could throw your car across the desert,” he grumbled. Alex huffed a laugh.

“Please tell me you didn’t.”

“No, but now I want to.” Alex shook his head. Michael nudged his nose deeper into his armpit which caused Alex to jump and laugh a little bit. Michael smiled and tried to navigate his arms to wrap around him. “And… speaking of things I want…”

Things fell silent for a moment as Michael tried to articulate himself. It was a bit hard when his mind was still stuck on  _ what aren’t you telling me.  _ But, there was more than that.

“I want to learn more about my mom,” Michael said, keeping his face buried in his armpit. Not like he could get up if he wanted to. Alex’s bicep was a force to be reckoned with. “I know we talked about it and stuff, but I am feeling a little better now and so… If you wanna keep digging, I’d appreciate it a lot.”

“I never stopped digging. I have a file of the information I found on her and I’m still going through some of the other stuff, but I want to try to find out what happened to her in that year between the crash and her being captured,” Alex explained softly, “Maybe we should talk about this when you’re sober.”

“Maybe, um… Maybe I can look her up or something? At the library,” Micahel said instead of stopping. Alex nodded slowly, his fingers combing through his hair. It was the best thing he’d ever felt. Honestly, he could handle all the lies in the world if he got this. Drinking was good.

But then Alex went still.

“Holy shit, I just realized I never told you her name.”

Michael fought against his hold enough to lift his head, eyes wide. “They documented her name?”

“Yes,” Alex breathed, his hand smacking against his forehead, “I’m so fucking sorry, I just got so caught up in all the other bullshit that I totally forgot.”

“Well, what is it?” Michael asked, smiling slightly as that eagerness bubbled up to the surface. Drinking was  _ definitely  _ good.

“Nora Truman,” Alex said.

“Nora Truman,” he repeated. Alex grinned helplessly at the way the words fit in his mouth and it made his heart feel so full. “That’s so… normal.”

“I know. I don’t know if it was a human alias or… But that’s what she went by at least,” Alex told him, “But that’s your mom.”

Michael swallowed hard and stared at him, his eyes drifting to his lips in all of that excitement. They were  _ right there.  _ In perfect reach. Gravity pulled him down a little bit, hovering over him and wondering if he could. If he  _ should.  _ Before he could make a decision, though, Alex’s nose nudged his cheek to move him and efficiently knocked the thought out of his mind. He dropped his head back against his bicep and got comfortable.

“Nora Truman.”

“Yeah,” Alex said, “Nora Truman.”

It was easy to forget the lie when he had this and that one little truth.

-

“Excuse me?”

“Alex’s brothers are in town!”

“Where are you at? What are you doing? What the fuck, it’s three in the morning.”

Kyle ducked further behind the bush he’d found himself in. He was driving home from work when he’d spotted a car that just looked too familiar and he couldn’t help himself but follow. He was glad he did too.

Now, he was in the bush outside Alex’s childhood home and trying not to feel like a total creep as he looked through the window.

“We need to talk,” Kyle whispered to Cam, watching as Flint took his shirt off. He really was a creep. “Where are you staying?”

“Uh, I’ll text you the address,” she said hesitantly, “Please tell me you’re not doing anything illegal.”

“Text me the address and I’ll see you soon,” Kyle said, hanging up quickly and continuing to watch. He had a theory and he just needed it to be proved. 

And sure enough, when Flint removed his pants, that same symbol was tattooed on his hip.

Kyle was outside Cam’s motel in 10 minutes flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the scene with jesse was absolutely not at all easy to write


	5. You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna and Kyle come up with a conspiracy. Alex learns more than he bargains for at dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it was a bit late! hope it makes up for it!
> 
> title: you're gonna go far kid by the offspring

“I can’t believe you were being a goddamn Peeping Tom at 3 in the morning at  _ Flint Manes  _ of all people. He’s not, like, ugly, but you can definitely do better.”

Kyle shook his head as he entered the motel room Cam was staying at, already yanking his notebook out of his bag. He dropped onto her bed and flipped it open to the page where he’d drawn the symbol from Jesse Manes’ hip.

“I wasn’t peeping for fun, look at this,” Kyle said. Cam sat beside him. “This is the tattoo that both Jesse Manes and Flint Manes have. I didn’t have a chance to check, but I would put money on the fact that at least one of Alex’s other brothers has it too.”

“What does it mean?” she asked.

“That’s the thing, I don’t actually know,” he told her, “There’s just something about it that’s off to me. It’s a combination of the male symbol and the Neptune symbol, which is three, like the trident, so I’m thinking it’s three men, right? Well, when Alex was talking to his dad earlier, he mentioned something called M.V.C.”

“Which is…?”

“Again, I don’t know.”

“You’re coming here with a lot of missing information.”

“Yes,  _ but,”  _ Kyle said, “I have theories.”

She eyed him before leaning a bit closer to get a good look at the symbol. It was a long shot, but he figured another brain might help piece shit together more. Besides, she was smart and thought like Alex without all of the daddy issues.

“So, originally, I was thinking that maybe it was just three different guys, but now I’m thinking it’s three different generations. Like, the generations of Manes Men that are hunting aliens or whatever. And it’s more symbolic that three  _ actual  _ generations, it’s more of like ‘my father, me, my son’ type of deal. I have no way of seeing if Jesse Manes’ father had one, but the one on his hip looks aged enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if his father did it himself when he was, like, 15.”

“Jesus.”

“I mean, think about it, Jesse having a seriously controlling father would explain why he is the way he is,” Kyle said. He knew she didn’t know all the details about Alex’s relationship with his father, but she knew  _ enough.  _ “And the reason why Alex didn’t get roped in is because he showed early on that he was rebellious and it took more than intimidation to instill conformity.”

“Okay, nice theory, but I think that might be a stretch? Like, I think you’re trying to fit what you know about Cap and his dad into the box of what you think the tattoo means. What if it’s something completely different and you’re just veering really far off track?” Cam said. Kyle smiled at her and, if she wasn’t capable of killing him, he probably would’ve done something stupid like thank her for having a brain.

“Yes, absolutely! I  _ am  _ too wrapped up in this theory and I’m trying to prove it right rather than trying to find objective information,” Kyle said, “Which is where you come in.”

“I’m listening.”

“Thursday night, we’re having like a group dinner at Max’s, so I’ll know where everyone is and know that they’re safe. Do you think you can do some sleuthing in that time to see what you can find?” Kyle asked. Her face hardened and she leaned away from him.

“By  _ sleuthing,  _ do you mean seducing Flint Manes?” she asked cooly. Kyle immediately shook his head, though now that she mentioned it, it did sound like a good idea. 

“I mean, not necessarily,” he said. Cam fixed him with a look.

“I’ll look into things, but I’m not sleeping with Cap’s brother,” she said. Kyle nodded easily.

“Absolutely, I just need fresh eyes and ideas," he told her. She nodded, reaching over to the nightstand and grabbing her phone. She took a picture of the symbol. 

"I'll keep you updated. Now go home and go the fuck to sleep because you look like you haven't slept in 24 hours."

He didn't have the heart to correct her that it was 36.

-

"Michael fucking Guerin!"

Michael slowly smiled at the sound of Alex's voice as he climbed out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his hips and grabbed another one to dry his hair, throwing the bathroom door open. He sauntered to the kitchen where Alex was doing laundry. The washing machine and dryer were really out of place there, but Alex had rigged them up all by himself and who was Michael to judge.

"You called?"

Alex whipped around, totally unphased by Michael's level of nudity. That felt more worthwhile than when he got flustered. This… this was fucking normal. How cool was that?

"What is this?" Alex demanded, shoving his jeans in Michael's direction, "Is that wood glue?" 

Michael took it from him and gently scratched the rough, dull-colored patch on the fabric.

"Yeah, looks like it."

"You are a mechanic. What are you doing with wood glue? Why are you messing with wood glue when you're wearing my jeans? Stop ruining my jeans!"

“Relax,” Michael laughed, grabbing them out of his hands, “You got vinegar? That’ll usually get it out.”

Alex just continued to glare at him and Michael took a bold step forward, tilting his head in a slightly cocky manner. He licked his bottom lip and watched as Alex’s irritation slowly melted, his shoulders dropping. Not for the first time that week, he thought about kissing him, but he held off. That was a bad idea and they both knew it.

“Go put vinegar on it and then get dressed,” Alex told him, stepping to the side to go find a pair of not-stained jeans. Before Michael could catch himself, he grabbed his arm and leaned close. Alex couldn’t even hide his smile as he did so, still trying to force a glare. “What do you want?”

“Don’t be mad at me, please,” Michael said as softly as he could, pouting slightly and batting his eyelashes. Alex rolled his eyes and pulled out of his grasp.

“Dry  _ off,  _ you heathen,” Alex laughed. Michael watched as he headed to the bedroom and took a deep breath before he turned to put that section of his jeans in a bowl of vinegar.

It was weird to think that this was the most stable they’d ever been for the longest amount of time. Tonight would make it a full week of sleeping in the same bed, spending all their free time together, learning more about each other than they ever had. Michael didn’t realize just how much he didn’t know about Alex. Sure, maybe he still hadn’t mentioned that piece, but it was hard to be mad by that when Alex was right there and laughing through a story about a time in France where he accidentally walked in on his past CO getting off to a Lady Gaga music video and had been sworn to secrecy, but Michael was an exception.

Soon enough, they were in Michael’s truck, carpooling to Max’s house. He shouldn’t have felt so fucking  _ giddy  _ about going to his dead brother’s house for some pseudo-family dinner, but he was. It helped that Alex’s jeans hugged his thighs and Alex was right there, humming along to the radio.

“Oh, so, just a warning, Liz is probably going to ask you about what’s going on between us,” Michael warned, “Maybe Isobel too, but most likely Liz.”

“Why?” Alex asked slowly. 

“Because she thinks I’m, like, leading you and Maria on or something. But I’m not, right? Like, you don’t think that’s what I’m doing, do you?” Michael clarified. Alex instantly shook his head.

“We’re literally trying to revive a dead alien and trying to track down whatever my dad’s bullshit is, who has time for maintaining a romantic relationship?” he said.

“Exactly!” Michael scoffed. Alex huffed a small little laugh that was so much cuter than it had any right being.

“She hasn’t talked to me about it,” Alex admitted, tapping against his leg to the rhythm of the song playing on the radio, “Actually, neither of them have really talked to me at all about anything.”

“Wait, for real?” Michael asked, “You’re giving Liz a space to do all of her experimentings and she doesn’t even talk to you?” Alex shrugged like it didn’t matter. But it  _ did.  _ Michael was the first to admit he was shit at maintaining friendships, but Liz and Maria always claimed Alex was their best friend. They took care of each other, he was one of theirs.

But did that only apply for when they needed something?

“It’s fine.”

“Well, I mean, it’s just weird. Like, she acted like she’d talked to you about it like she was scared that you were gonna get hurt,” Michael explained, “Not that I’d ever hurt you on purpose like that again, by the way.” Alex snorted.

“Liz and I have never, and I mean never, talked about my love life. Which is fine, there’s not much to tell, but still, she’s never once acted like she was concerned about what the two of us are doing while cohabiting,” Alex said. Michael took his bottom lip between his teeth.  _ Cohabiting.  _ “And Maria and I  _ used  _ to talk about it, but that stopped once she found out it was you I had a history with. Then… after she came over, we haven’t really talked at all. Which is my fault too, I haven’t reached out.”

“I’m sorry I fucked things up between you two,” Michael said, glancing over at him. He had his head against the window, staring at the passing desert with interested eyes. It was just like he’d done when they were young and Michael didn’t know how to process that.

“No, we didn’t exactly try. One day I’ll talk to her. I sort of have to get up the courage because I feel bad about the way I acted,” Alex admitted. Michael huffed a laugh.

“Same,” he said, “I was probably worse.”

“I would say we could go apologize to her together, but I think she might get the wrong idea if we’re within 50 feet of each other,” Alex said, biting back a laugh, “I  _ did _ corrupt your straight white boy ass, you know.”

Michael shook his head with a laugh. “Cute.”

“Well, that’s what she thinks. Or, a lot of people think,” Alex said, “What is your percentage anyway? Like, a lot of bi people have a percentage or something, not always 50/50.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t fucking know,” Michael admitted. Alex actually laughed this time and Michael just smiled. He really didn’t know. He thought he was pretty 50/50, but it was hard to really conceptualize that on a human level. He guessed he could make a list of everyone he’d slept with and base it off of that, but even that felt skewed because most of the time he’d had pretty limited options in Roswell. If he counted everyone he’d been attracted to, though, that felt like an even harder thing. Did famous people count? Cartoons? At the end of the day, who  _ really  _ held a candle to Jessica Rabbit? “I just act on how I feel in the moment. But you aren’t the only man I’ve hooked up with if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex asked, “Who else?”

“Okay, it was only one other guy and it was just, like, giving head in the bathroom of a club, but still. You didn’t make me queer, you just made me know it was okay,” Michael said. Alex was quiet and when Michael glanced over at him, he saw him staring at him with that  _ look.  _ The one with the half-lidded eyes and the parted lips and his head tilted back. It had his stomach doing flips. “What?”

“Nothing,” Alex hummed, leaning forward to turn the radio up. Misery Business by Paramore was playing, still in it’s first few chords as if Alex had just sensed it was on.

“You can’t just ignore me for Hayley Williams,” Michael laughed. Alex cranked it up louder, the speakers thudding as the instruments kicked in. “Really?”

“I’m in the business of misery, let’s take it from the top,” Alex sang, leaning in instead of answering. Michael just rolled his eyes and joined in until they were both headbanging and scream-singing at the windshield. It felt good. Everything else in the world paled in comparison to just that.

He was almost sad as they pulled up to Max’s house.

-

Alex was not at all surprised when Rosa flew out of the door and immediately latched onto him as they walked up.

“Oh, thank god, save me.”

He laughed easily, wrapping her in a hug. He’d promised to see her more often, but he hadn’t really been making good on that promise. It was a problem that he definitely was going to put more effort into fixing. She was one of the only ones he could even tolerate at this point.

“Is it that bad?” Michael asked with a smile. Rosa looked over at him with a slightly judgy look in her eye, but he didn’t seem to take offense to it. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Can I move in with you for, like, a week?” she begged, “If I have to be locked alone or with Liz or with Isobel for any more time, I am going to lose it. It’s only been, like, a month.” Alex looked over to Michael and raised an eyebrow in question. Michael held up his hands.

“Hey, it’s your house. If you want a guest, don’t let me stop you,” he said.

“Mm,” Alex hummed in response. Michael flashed him a warm smile and then let himself inside the door, leaving Rosa and Alex alone. 

She waited until the door closed and they were, for the most part, out of earshot before pulling away. The look on her face was nothing short of intrigued and he was again filled with an old sense of belonging. Maybe he would let her stay for a while. Lately, Michael had been giving him that same welcome feeling, so why not add more to the mixture? It made him feel good.

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to slowly pull it out of you?” she asked. A confused smile fond his face and he tilted his head.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, Alex,” she said, pouting her lips as she teased him,  _ “Amor está en el aire.” _

“Stop,” he warned despite her dramatic tone bringing a smile to his lips.

“Or should I say  _ lust.” _

“That would be even further away,” Alex laughed, looking up to double-check that no one was hanging outside the door and then casually scoping the rest of the perimeter that he could see, “We’re just friends.”

“Mhm,” Rosa hummed, crossing her arms and popping her hip out to the side as she judged him, “And there’s  _ no  _ residual feelings?”

“Okay, I didn’t say that,” Alex said, trying ignoring the way his cheeks started to burn, “But we’re just not in a place for that and, honestly, things are better right now than they’ve ever been between us. I’m not going to fuck with that especially when we’re still not done handling things with my dad.”

“When will you ever be done with your dad, though, Alex? Because even after he’s dead, he’s still going to haunt you and we all know it,” Rosa said bluntly. Alex’s smile dropped easily and he shifted his weight. “I don’t want you putting off your happiness for something that’ll never go away.”

“It’s not that,” he said, but he paused, “Well, it’s a little bit that. But mostly we’re just still in the thick of it, it’d be stupid.”

“Is that it or are you just scared to ask for what you want?” Rosa pressed. He scoffed.

“You’re just going in deep aren’t you?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she grinned, “No, but, for real, can I stay with you?”

“Depends, are you going to mock me for sharing a bed with him?”

Rosa’s eyes went wide and she scoffed, her jaw-dropping dramatically.

“I swear, if I could go back and tell baby Alex that he’d be sharing a bed with the boy he’s in love with, he’d tell me I was a liar.”

“If you told baby Alex a lot of things that are going on right now, he’d tell you you were a liar,” he laughed, “Let’s go inside and I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay, you harlot.”

“There it is.”

-

Isobel gave him that look that told Michael that he was in trouble.

“Oh, what the hell did I do this time?” he asked. 

She looked over to where Kyle and Liz were cooking before grabbing his arm, pulling him down the hall and sufficiently into Max’s bedroom. They both unintentionally upturned their noses at how much Liz and Rosa had just made it their own space. It was jarring no matter how much they understood that she had the full right to do so. Eventually, Isobel shifted her attention back to him.

“How are you?”

Michael blinked at her for a moment in confusion. “Huh?”

A small pout overcame her face and she sighed, “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Rosa and Liz and it’s come to my attention that I may have been a shitty sister. We used to act like them, or something, but now I feel like we’ve just drifted apart without Max. Which I have no excuse for because I can feel you a lot more now. You feel… better.”

Michael was hesitant to smile as he watched her. This felt like one of those conversations that was going to veer off into the other direction, but right now… Right now, she looked sincere. So sincere that he pulled her into a hug and she clung right back. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her. 

“Catch me up, what have I missed,” she urged, grabbing his hands and sitting them both on the bed, “I’ll go first so you don’t think I’m hounding you. I donated a few grand of Noah’s money to a woman’s shelter, I have been really good at being nice to both Ortecho sisters, and I’ve been working with Arturo to make a name for the Crashdown online whenever I’m not working on my powers or, like, my actual job. Your turn.”

Michael very quickly realized he had nothing for show and tell. He simply went to work, helped them at the lab, checked on Max, and went home to Alex, repeat. What was brag-worthy about that?

“I don’t really have anything to update you on,” Michael said. Isobel rolled her eyes. 

“You are significantly less stressed than you were even last week,” she said, “What changed since then?”

He didn’t know how to answer without sounding stupid. Open honesty with Alex had suddenly cured his soul? Well, it wasn’t that. He couldn’t even really articulate what exactly had caused him to feel like this.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, shrugging, “Alex just likes having me around and we talk about things. We never used to do that before, it feels good.” Isobel gave him a tiny smile, like she knew something he didn’t. 

“You’re really happy with him?”

“We’re not, like, together or anything. I don’t want that right now, we’re just good like we are. But I… I can’t describe why it’s so good right now.”

“Because it’s unconditional,” Isobel said, voice soft and eyes glassy. She didn’t usually give him that look or speak to him like that. They were usually playful, but she looked serious. He wondered if it had anything to do with Max not being around. “You’re finally feeling unconditional love.”

Michael swallowed hard as she just said it out loud. It felt like a good descriptor, honestly. He felt wanted and needed, but in a way that meant he could also want and need right back and it wouldn’t result in failure. Because Alex trusted him enough to call him when he needed him even after all the bullshit, he didn’t kick him out when he ruined his jeans, he didn’t yell at him for not understanding, he only kept  _ one  _ secret. Alex had said open and he’d thrown himself all in.

But now that she said it out loud, it sounded terrifying.

“Okay, you look like you’re going to throw up,” Isobel said, sniffling, “Sorry, I’m just, like, feeding off your emotions and you just… you feel really safe. I’ve never felt that from you before and I didn’t realize. I’m sorry I didn’t realize you’ve never felt safe, Michael.”

“It’s okay,” he said, still trying to process it for himself. Is this really what it was supposed to feel like all the time?

“No, it’s not. I’ve been a shitty sister.”

“I’ve been a shitty brother.”

Isobel just rolled her eyes and pulled him into another hug, one that lasted a little longer than the one before. He sighed easily against her shoulder, closing his eyes as he relaxed in her grasp. He missed her so much.

“So, are you guys back together?”

“What? No.”

The sweet moment ended when she slapped his shoulder.

-

“So, um, your dad,” Liz said, scraping her fork against the plate. 

When Alex had suggested this whole thing so he could get a feel on how Liz was coping, he had stupidly thought that maybe, just maybe, it would feel normal. They were all friends, all of them close and reliant on each other. And yet it was fucking  _ awkward. _

“Right,” Alex said, clearing his throat and putting his fork down, “So, we’re pretty sure he’s up to something on a deeper level. There’s something called M.V.C. that I’ve been trying to look into, but I’m not finding anything yet. I don’t know if I’m just looking in the wrong places or what, but, that being said, I think we all need to be careful.”

“I’m already being careful,” Liz told him. Alex nodded once.

“I know, I’m saying we need to be extra cautious,” Alex went on, “My brothers are in town and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they’re tied up in this shit. With Max being gone and us focusing on that, it makes everyone a little more vulnerable.” 

“Us?” Liz asked, tone still clipped, “No, it’s me and Isobel and Michael working on Max.”

Alex blinked and refused to show any emotion, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. He knew that Liz wasn’t exactly his biggest fan right now‒God knows why‒but he wasn’t sure why she was being rude. He’d given her a lab and they were supposed to be friends, and yet it seemed to stop there. They didn’t talk. They didn’t do anything. How much was that for friendship?

“Anyway,” Kyle jumped in, “Right now, Jenna is looking into Flint and Jesse to see if she can get any separate information that we aren’t getting.”

Alex took the moment of attention being taken off of him to look over for some strength to keep his mind on track. He didn’t want to let whatever Liz felt towards him distract him from why he was here. He locked eyes with Rosa who raised her eyebrows and tilted her head just enough to say  _ you got this.  _ He wasn’t sure she even knew what she was supporting him to do, but she did it anyway without any hesitation. He loved her for that.

“Wait, Jenna’s back in town?” Isobel asked.

“Yeah,” Kyle answered, “And she’s giving me updates, but so far Flint isn’t budging. Apparently, he’d been warned about her.”

“Back up, you told her about everything with Max?” Liz asked. Kyle eyed her and then gave Alex a look that said  _ ‘see?’.  _ Alex’s eyes drifted to Isobel and then Michael, both of them looking like they didn’t belong in the conversation, then to Rosa who was trying to hype him up to get on topic. “Because that is  _ not  _ your business to tell.”

“Liz, you know you can trust us, right?” Alex said, “Because it feels like you think you’re on you’re own.”

“Is that right? Because the only one helping me with Max is Michael and Isobel,” Liz argued, “You and Kyle aren’t helping.”

“Liz, I am helping, I’m just trying to also deal with Project Shepard stuff,” Kyle said softly. Liz shook her head, clearly irritated with him saying that. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“Liz, my father is an actual threat,” Alex told her, “We don’t even know if Max has a chance. His heart is shredded. Can he even be revived, Liz? Honestly, can he? Or is this just false hope to distract you from mourning him?”

Liz stared at him with a look that was so distinctly  _ Rosa  _ that it was jarring. She shoved her chair back and got to her feet, abandoning the table. They all sat quietly for a moment before Rosa pushed back her chair. Alex shook his head.

“I got it,” he said. Michael caught his eye, seeming a little too serious as he stared at him. That’d be the next thing he dealt with.

Alex followed Liz to the bedroom and found her standing there like she was preparing for a fight, face hardened and eyes set on him the moment he walked through the door. He took a moment to prepare himself as he shut the door behind him.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Alex,” she said as soon as the latch clicked in place.

“The science part? No, you’re right, I don’t. But I do know that you’re being more than a little irrational. What happens if it doesn’t work? Is Max even getting better at all?” 

“Nothing exponential yet, but it’s  _ something _ ! It’s only been a month, Alex! We’re not going backward and that’s all I need to know that I can fix this!”

“Okay, and if you do fix it, then what happens? If you manage to resurrect him, then what? Because with the way you’re acting, I’m failing to see how you’re aren’t going to get some sort of power high from resurrecting someone.”

“ _ The way I’m acting?  _ Who are you, my dad? I’m just doing what’s right! He  _ died  _ to bring Rosa back, it’s my job to bring him back!”

“Is it, though? It’s not like you asked him to bring her back.”

“It doesn’t matter! I love him!” she yelled, tears brimming her eyes, “I love him and I  _ hate  _ him! He didn’t even ask me and he, he just left me as soon as I had something good! This can’t be the end of it!”

Things clicked in Alex’s head then and he took a step forward, holding his hands out so she could see them clearly. 

“I know,” he said, “I know how it feels to lose someone just when it gets good.”

“Oh, screw you, Alex, you don’t know how I feel. You can’t compare your stupid little affair in high school to this,” Liz spat. He nodded even though it rubbed him the wrong way.

“You’re right, it’s not the same,” he agreed, “But pushing everyone away isn’t going to help, and being in denial isn’t going to help either. You need to mourn and you need your friends.” Liz shook her head and took a step away from him.

“No, what I need is Kyle and Michael to focus on helping me instead of being at your every beck and call,” she told him. Alex let his hands drop, his eyebrows furrowing. “They’re the only ones who can help me and you’re just capitalizing their time.”

“You’re… mad at me for having friends? You lost me,” Alex said. Liz groaned, throwing her head back and wiping her head.

“I’m not mad at you for having friends, I’m mad that,” Liz said, stopping herself as she gathered her thoughts, “I’m mad that…”

“That things aren’t going your way?” Alex filled in, “That things aren’t like they used to be? That I’m not just going to fold and back away and let you and Maria walk all over me and take everything?” 

Liz scoffed, “We did  _ not  _ walk all over you.”

“Okay, maybe not, but you were definitely put first. Hell, you still are on some level. I know you don’t get it, but if I avoid my father, it won’t matter if you can bring Max back or not. We’re all fucked. We’re breaking rules to accommodate you and Michael and Kyle are doing all that they can to help you even if you don’t see it,” Alex explained, “And, look, I know you don’t like me anymore, but I do still care about you and it’s worrying me that you aren’t thinking clearly.”

“What?” Liz sighed, looking at him like he’d lost it, “What do you mean I don’t like you?”

“I’m not stupid, Liz. You call me your friend because we used to be, but actions speak louder than words.”

“Oh, but that doesn’t apply to you?”

“Excuse me?” Alex asked. She gave him a look like he should know what she meant, but he had no idea. 

“You know that Michael has no idea what he wants and you’re still playing house with him,” she said, “I know you aren’t stupid, Alex, which is what I’m not getting. Why are you letting him in your house like that when you know he’s just trying to fuck you and Maria over? I like him, I do, and I know he’s charming, but he doesn’t care about anything but himself, Max, and Isobel at the end of the day. He is just like Max but even more destructive and all you’re doing is enabling him to hurt more people.”

Her words hit Alex like a blow to the stomach. He physically took a step back, trying to follow her ridiculous train of thought. 

“Don’t talk about something you know nothing about,” Alex breathed, shaking his head. She gave him a truly pitiful look like he was the one who should feel bad.

“I know enough.”

“Do you?” Alex scoffed, “Do you know that I love him? That he loves me? That I have spent over a decade keeping him safe and I am not about to stop now? Maybe that makes me a fucking dumbass, but I know what I’m getting myself into with him. He’s not  _ trying  _ to fuck Maria over, he’s  _ trying  _ to learn how to take care of himself before he dives into something. He is doing better than I have ever seen him and I’m not going to take that away because you don’t understand. And he is  _ not  _ like Max. Just because your little alien is murderous and self-righteous, doesn’t mean mine is. And, for God’s sake, don’t act like this is about Michael when it’s about me.”

Liz stared at him, his words slowly but surely sinking in. He waited and stared without faltering. He realized a little bit more about the benefits of having Michael Guerin staying in his house. After this was over, he didn’t have to be alone. After this, he was going to go home and curl up against his chest and listen to him breathe and be held until he fell asleep. That would make up for this.

“You’re in love?” she asked. Alex rubbed his hands over his face.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, “What matters is you think I’m sabotaging things by going after my dad and monopolizing Michael’s time. That isn’t what’s happening and I don’t know how to make you realize that.” 

Liz stared at him, those frustrated tears coming right back.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Alex,” she admitted, “Everyone’s changed since we were kids, but you’re a completely different person. I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to handle that on top of everything else.”

That stung, but Alex knew it was fair. He was still trying to see himself too.

“Okay,” Alex said, “Then I’ll make time to work closer with you.” 

“What?”

“That’s the problem, right? You’re struggling to trust me, but we’re both the ones discovering the most information about this shit. We should be working together,” Alex decided, “Then maybe you can re-get to know me.”

“Okay.”

“You need friends, Liz,” he told her, “Or you’re going to break.”

Liz took a deep breath and nodded, wiping away her tears.

“Okay.”

-

“I got the glue out of your jeans.”

“Thanks.”

Alex was already curled up in bed and rubbing his temples by the time Michael came into the bedroom. He was tired and hadn’t really talked to anyone since he argued with Liz. His skin felt too tight and he was irritable and he felt even worse when he realized Michael was feeding off his negativity. He’d been in a good mood before dinner.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as Michael quietly checked the closet and behind the curtains for him before shutting off the lights.

“You’re okay,” Michael said. Alex shut his eyes as the bed shifted and he waited for Michael to reach for attention like he usually did. Except he didn’t. “Hey, uh… Do you really think we won’t be able to bring Max back?”

Alex curled in on himself a little more. Right.

“I don’t know. I just want you all to be prepared.”

“Yeah.”

Micahel was quiet for a few minutes, long enough that Alex started thinking he was angry at him. Alex almost apologized a handful of times, longing to be forgiven for something he wasn’t actually sorry for. He just didn’t want to push him away, he didn’t want to be annoying, he didn’t want to be a problem. 

“Hey, Alex?” Michael said. Alex let out an unexpectedly heavy breath and he cursed himself for it. “Is there anything important you haven’t told me? Like, alien wise?”

Alex was instantly bombarded with documented torture he’d kept a secret, filmed dissections he’d hidden, videos of his mother trying to sweet talk guards that hit her or worse in response that he’d lied about, and that stupid piece of the ship that scared him more than anything. They were all stupid and small and out of Alex’s control in the grand scheme of things, but they were big and scary on their own. What if Michael stopped feeling safe? What if Michael left?

“No,” Alex said, “I’ve told you everything.”

Michael was silent again for a few seconds. Alex waited for him to call him out for being a liar, to call him out for being annoying and not the guy he actually loved. If Liz didn’t see him as himself, why should Michael?

Except then the mattress creaked as he shifted and slowly Michael’s arms encircled his torso. He exhaled in relief as Michael pressed up behind him, fitting against his form effortlessly. They fit together so well sometimes it hurt him. But he pressed his warm nose behind Alex’s ear and held him tight, using his body heat and willpower to shoo away all his bad feelings.

“You’re the strongest man I know, you know that, right?” Michael told him softly, “I trust you more than anyone in this entire galaxy.”

Alex didn’t know how to say he wasn’t worthy of that title. So he didn’t.

“It’s okay,” Michael added even softly, his voice hardly even making a sound at this point, “It’s okay to be sad. We all need a little help sometimes.” The words were Alex’s, but they fit in his mouth like they belonged there.

Alex’s body was flooded with emotion, that overwhelming feeling of  _ everything  _ coming for him and forcing tears to his eyes. None fell and he kept his eyes closed, but he knew more than ever that he loved him.

He loved him so much it hurt.

-

“Did you find anything?”

“Um, I think you should sit down.”

Kyle furrowed his eyebrows but did as Cam instructed and sat on her motel bed. He’d been spending a lot of time there the last few nights, usually after shifts so they could talk about theories. Right now, though, he was just drained from a very uncomfortable dinner.

“Did Flint tell you something?”

“No,” she said slowly, sitting beside him with a file in her hand. She kept it to her chest so he couldn’t see it until she wanted him too. “He was a dead-end and visiting hours with Jesse are over. He gets out of the hospital in a few days though, which you knew, and I plan to speak with him then. But I started thinking about it and I looked into something else.”

“And you found something?”

“Yeah,” Cam confirmed, eying him hesitantly, “I don’t think it’s three generations.”

“Oh?” Kyle said. Slowly, she pulled the file from her chest and held it in front of them, opening it to see the same tattoo on a brown-skinned hip. He grabbed onto the file.“Who is this?”

“Don’t freak out.”

He looked over to her in confusion. “Why would I freak out?”

“I was thinking about it and I was trying to think who was just as involved with aliens as Jesse Manes,” she said, “So I started searching through old military records and a lot of them had either pictures or descriptions of their tattoos, stuff to identify soldiers by if worse came to worst. We got lucky that the Valenti’s clearly have no problem with their bare ass being in a picture.”

Kyle’s eyes widened involuntarily as he realized what she was saying. And it definitely wasn’t generational. Instead, it was starting to look a lot more like a cult.

“So…”

“Yep,” she sighed, “Manes and Valenti. Two heads of Neptune’s trident.”

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy Christmas special in place of episode 6? Fluffy Christmas special in place of episode 6.


	6. The Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas Eve and there's a farm that sounds interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep getting annoyed with myself at how often I'm ending chapter with them going to sleep, it feels like I'm writing shitty wattpad fics in 2013, but then I keep doing it. Only one more after this, though, I swear.
> 
> sorry for the late update! I've been approximately not at all productive this last week and I hate it:)
> 
> title: the great escape by boys like girls

There were very few good things in life, but this was one of them.

Michael breathed heavily, a smirk on his face despite the fact that his jaw hung open. Alex couldn’t help but think it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. Their foreheads were met in the middle, Michael’s calloused hands bracing against the wall on either side of Alex’s head as he stayed firmly in his lap. Alex’s hand was stuffed nicely between where their hips met.

“You’re so hot,” Alex told him earnestly, unable to look away even if he wanted to. He didn’t, but there was something about him that was straight-up mesmerizing. Michael just breathed a laugh and chased him for a kiss, all sloppy as he moved his hips a little harder against Alex’s palm.

“ _ Alex.” _

Alex smiled against his lips at the sound of his name in his voice, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He couldn’t get close enough. He moved his free hand down to his ass, tugging him closer and then bending his knees so he’d just have to sit in the crook between his chest and his thighs. Michael grinned.

“ _ Alex, _ ” he said again, sounding a little bit far away. Alex just put his hand on the back of his head, holding him as close as humanly possible.  _ Alex. _

_ Alex. _

_ Alex. _

Alex was unceremoniously taken out of the moment as he opened his eyes not to see Michael perched in his lap, but standing over him and balancing six boxes of teabags. He couldn’t help but frown at the annoying juxtaposition of his dream and his reality. With a groan, he went to pull the blankets over his head to go back to it, but Michael pulled them away.

“We agreed to let me sleep in, leave me alone,” he whined when Michael deprived him of disappearing back into fantasy land. 

“Okay, okay, just one question,” Michael said, voice in that loud whisper-tone that wasn’t too uncommon for small children, “Which one of these did you use to make that tea I liked yesterday?”

“The chai,” Alex sighed, “But it’s not gonna taste like that if you make it the way you make regular tea.”

Michael was quiet and, for a second, Alex  _ almost  _ believed he just accepted that and walked away. But, he knew better. After a solid month and a half of being in the same cabin in the woods, Alex had learned that Michael Guerin was basically like having a toddler and he would stand there until he got more information. Alex peeked up at him to see him still standing there, waiting patiently. He sighed again.

“Give me a minute and I’ll come make it for you.”

“Thank you,” Michael said, a gust of his power being used to pull the blankets over Alex and tucking him in. Alex smiled to himself as he closed his eyes again.

He let his mind drift back to the dream. It was the  _ first  _ one he had about him lately, but it was the first one to feel like he could make it happen. That in itself was frustrating. They’d been doing really good at keeping it platonic. Or, at least, platonic-adjacent. They cuddled and whispered sweet nothings in the comfort of the darkness, but it was clear that they weren’t in a good place to have a romantic relationship just yet. Not when Alex’s dad was out of the hospital, they still had no idea who the third head of the trident was, and they were making  _ slow  _ progress on Max. They just had to wait until they could put in the effort.

It was just taking longer than Alex was expecting.

After a bit of waking up slowly, Alex was able to drag himself out of bed. It was Christmas Eve and they had a few plans to go check out a farm that some of the records talked about while they had the free time. Well, not so much free time as just time to kill while they were at a standstill with everything else. 

Alex didn’t bother grabbing his prosthetic as he went for his crutches instead, still finding himself shaking off the tingly feeling his dream had left him. He just had to push through until all this was over and then he was going to fucking jump him. It turns out the only thing worse than being unsure of someone’s feelings for you was knowing them and not being able to do anything about it.

“You’re such a baby, I can’t believe you’re making Alex get up early to make you  _ tea.” _

“I didn’t make him!”

“ _ I didn’t make him,”  _ Rosa mocked, “Qué pendejo.”

“I can understand you, you know.”

“Good!”

Alex couldn’t help but smile as he made his way to the kitchen and listened to them bicker. Rosa had been staying with them for only a few days at this point considering it took a little more convincing Liz than expected, but she’d already gladly become a thorn in Michael’s side. 

“I didn’t realize I was living with children,” Alex said, making his presence known. Both of them looked towards him and then looked back at each other, Rosa having that  _ ‘see, you made him get up’  _ look on her face.

“Sorry,” Michael said, giving a little smile. He was shirtless and well-rested and gorgeous and Alex had to let himself stare for a moment. He was allowed to stare. He knew that because Michael did nothing but encourage it with smiles and continued to parade around half-naked no matter how cold it got.

“You’re fine,” Alex promised, moving closer on his crutches. He let his eyes linger on his stomach before he pushed past him to get to the small stove. Michael didn’t even try to flex even though he knew he was staring. That alone made Alex’s head swim. How comfortable could they get and still keep their hands to themselves?

“Are you guys having fun eye-fucking at 7 in the morning?” Rosa asked. Alex snorted, shaking his head at her. She was in an oversized flannel that Alex wouldn’t actually be surprised if she stole from Michael, leaning against the washer and watching them with that knowing little smile. 

“Could be worse,” Alex decided. Michael made a small, indiscernible noise as he hopped up to sit on the counter beside the sink.

“Yeah, you could  _ actually _ have to fuck him at 7 in the morning,” Rosa filled in.

“Hey,” Michael scoffed while Alex just laughed.

Alex balanced himself against the counter as he started to boil water, popping a few tea bags in it. He told Michael to pay attention so next time he could do it himself. He tried not to revel too much in the cute little  _ ‘oh’  _ Michael made when Alex poured a little milk in a saucepan. Yeah, definitely too difficult to keep his hands to himself.

“So, I was gonna ask,” Rosa said as Alex poured the tea into two separate mugs, “That path behind the house, is it safe to run on? Or should I grab a machete to clear it out?”

“It’s safe,” Alex said, pouring the milk evenly before reaching for the cinnamon, “But Michael and I are gonna clear out another one that’s a little less bumpy. The one right now is a lot on my leg, but you might be okay as long as you have good shoes.”

“Okay, well, I  _ don’t  _ have good shoes, so I’ll just walk it,” she said, “I just need something to distract myself.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Alex said, handing them each a mug. Michael gave one to him in turn and he smiled as he recognized the smell of coffee. He mouthed him a thank you before turning back to Rosa. “You gonna walk when we go out to the Long Farm? Because I can give you my Spotify info, give you something to listen to.”

“Yes, please,” Rosa groaned, sipping her tea. Alex nodded, hiding his smile with his mug.

He couldn’t quite pinpoint why he loved having both of them around so much, but he did. Hearing them argue all the time sort of reminded him of childhood, but not quite his. It was like what he saw on TV where the siblings would argue and then help each other at the end of the day. It was borderline wholesome in a way he’d never tell them. For once, his house felt  _ full,  _ but in a way that didn’t make him want to tear his hair out. 

They had breakfast together, they had dinner together, they conspired together. Alex would go to work, Michael would go to work, Rosa had taken to renovating the bunker to fit her needs. Things were  _ good.  _ Of course, things were still rocky with Liz even though Alex had spent the last two weeks giving her far too much of his free time. But they were trying. That had to count for something.

Eventually, they finished their drinks and Alex excused himself to go get dressed while Michael agreed to wash the dishes. Alex grabbed his prosthetic and something warm to wear as he headed into the bathroom. It took him a bit longer to get ready than it used to, but he’d gotten accustomed to it. He’d also gotten accustomed to sharing space, not even being shocked when Michael knocked twice before simply letting himself inside.

“Excuse you,” Alex said, not really meaning it as he was nearly completely dressed. He was just in the process of tugging on his sweater over his undershirt. 

“I’m not looking,” Michael said, smirking slightly as he obviously  _ did  _ look, he just was just looking through the mirror, “Just need to brush my teeth.”

“Well, so do I,” Alex told him, moving to stand beside him. They smiled to themselves or each other in the mirror as they grabbed their respective toothbrushes.

This. This was what life was about.

-

“I didn’t get you anything for Christmas.”

“It’s okay, I didn’t get you anything either.”

Michael watched Alex as he drove, feeling a little more than dazed as he did so. Things were in a very strange place in his mind and, if anyone asked, he was showing  _ exceptional  _ self control. It was easily the most self control he’d ever exhibited in his entire life. He was focusing on Max and his mother and Isobel. That was his goal and he was giving it his all. But crawling into bed beside Alex after a long day and being welcome there? It didn’t click as to why he was getting that other than Alex just loving him for some reason.

Which, honestly, was just another thing he didn’t understand.

“You wanna go get a tree after this?” Michael asked, trying not to think too hard about everything. That’s when he got all upset and that was never fun for anyone.

“It’s Christmas Eve,” Alex laughed, glancing over at him, “You wanna go get a tree _ now?” _

“I’ve never really had one of my own before,” Michael said, chewing on his bottom lip as he watched the way Alex’s eyes crinkled up when he smiled, “I didn’t really think about it until now. Have you ever had one?”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. But Christmas was usually hell, honestly. My brothers and I all had to wear matching suits that matched my dad’s and we spent most of it in church. It was just a day I was forced to spend with people who didn’t like me,” Alex admitted, “By the time I was older, I never really wanted to celebrate with any kind of traditions.” Michael couldn’t fathom how he was able to say that so easily. But, in some way, he understood.

“I’ve had a lot of different Christmases,” he said, “Some bad, some okay. My favorite was when I was 20. It was before Max had started at the police academy and before Isobel met Noah, but after Isobel and Max’s parents got them an apartment to share. I spent the night Christmas Eve and we watched Christmas movies until early in the morning.”

“That sounds fun,” Alex mused. Michael shrugged and failed to mention that he got arrested that Christmas day, having gotten a bit too reckless whenever the pair of them went to their grandparents and left him alone. He didn’t actually remember what he did to get arrested, he’d been high as a kite, but he remembered Isobel bitching to him about it. “Maybe we could try to watch some Christmas movies tonight, get in the spirit.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed.

“ _ And, _ ” Alex said, flashing him a smile, “We’ll stop and get a tree for you.”

Michael bit down on his lip to hold back a smile. “Yeah?”

“It’s your first real Christmas, you deserve the best,” Alex teased, his bottom lip protruding in a pout before he laughed it off and focused back on the road.

Alex continued to drive and Michael continued to watch him. Part of him wondered what it would be like if he’d done the right thing years ago and dedicated himself to Alex back when they were in high school. Sure, on some level, he always  _ had been  _ dedicated to Alex, but he’d slept around and pushed him away and fought. What would life have been like if, instead of getting arrested, he’d agreed to write to Alex every day while he was at basic and promised to visit him more than twice when he was stationed elsewhere? Where would they have ended up? Would they be in the same place just with a label?

That’s what he wanted.

But then, as it always did, his mind drifted to other places. If they had kept up a relationship, when would Alex have found out about aliens? Would it still be via his father? Would Michael have told him? Would he have shown him his ship and, when Alex found that piece, would he have given it to him immediately? Would he have found it at all?

And if that happened, would they have ever made it to Caulfield? Would they have gone earlier? Would they have had more information, enough to let his mother out before she died? Could he have known her more?

He only had a few moments with her, but she’d flooded his mind with information. But, even then, it was fractured and only enough so he would know how much she loved him. She didn’t risk showing him any of the negativities, she just made sure he knew she didn’t leave him on purpose and that, if she could’ve, she would’ve spent her life with him. She knew Alex loved him and she didn’t mind. Sometimes, when he thought about it, he thought maybe she loved him too.

“Alex,” Michael piped up as they pulled up to the Long Farm.

“Hm?” 

He stared at him for a moment, trying to find his words. He didn’t really know what he wanted to say. He was just thinking about a lot and, well, most of them were better left said somewhere that wasn’t the farm owned by racists. 

“Um, you said it was a barn?” he said instead. Alex nodded.

“Yeah. That newspaper we found her picture in had a man named Roy Bronson in it and he  _ happened  _ to work on this farm at the same time of that picture and at the time the Air Force came to scope out the property,” he explained, “The barn was blown up  _ accidentally,  _ but the base of the building was salvageable and they rebuilt it.”

“Cool.”

They climbed out of Alex’s truck and locked the doors, Alex shoving the keys in his back pocket. Michael kept an eye on him as they walked up to the gate and hopped it. He watched Alex, made sure he was stable without actually reaching out to him. He landed just fine.

“So, we find out if she was actually here and then what?” Michael asked as they started making their way towards the old barn. 

“Well, then we might need to look in different places. Maybe, once we figure out who the other head of the trident is or find any files on M.V.C. then we can look for more, but,” Alex sighed, “We also might have to just accept that there is a limit to what we can find out. I’m sure there’s no files and I’ve searched for the kid that was in the picture and there’s no trace of him. Will you be okay if we just know she was here for a year and we can’t find out anything else?”

Michael thought about it for a moment.  _ Would  _ he be okay if they reached a point where there was just nothing else he could learn? It was sort of scary to think of, reaching the catalyst of information on his mother. But, then again, he would never be satisfied when it came to her and they both knew it. The only way he would be is if he got to know  _ her  _ on his own, not through secondhand bullshit. That was simply just the only thing he couldn’t have.

The skin of his hand felt tight and it seized up under the bandana, telling him he was clenching it for too long. He shoved it in his pocket.

“I’ll be okay. I have no choice, so,” Michael said, shrugging haphazardly. Alex clapped a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. 

“I’m still gonna do what I can to help,” Alex promised. Michael gave him a little smile and nodded.

“Thank you.”

They both slowed to a stop as they stepped up to the barn, looking up at it. Alex hand slid down his arm and then squeezed his wrist before letting him go. They shared a look before going inside.

The building felt and looked old and unused. But, still, it had an undeniable draw to it. Michael heard Alex breathe in deep which caught his attention.

“Definitely alien,” Alex breathed out. Michael made a noise of confusion, tilting his head.

“How do you know?”

“Smells like rain,” he said, shooting him a smile, “Smells like you.”

Michael shifted a little bit at that, biting on his lip before he looked around instead of unpacking all of that. Maybe Alex did get him a Christmas present and that present was just unresolved sexual tension.

“But clearly it was something big if I can still smell it,” Alex tacked on. Michael cleared his throat.

“So, what, we think they blew up something that was hiding in here?” Michael asked, but quickly stopped himself, “The ship. The ship was here and they blew it up.”

“You think so?” Alex asked, looking slightly concerned. Michael thought that maybe then he should’ve brought up the ship piece since they were talking about it, but he still couldn’t find the words to ask.

“I found a few pieces here whenever I was hunting things down, so it would make sense,” Michael said, “But that would mean they were here, the ship was here‒where was I? Did she just put me in a cave and leave? If they were so comfortable here, why wasn’t I allowed to come out?”

He could feel his irritation slowly but surely build at the idea of being fucking left. Again. Alex took a step towards him, chasing his line of sight.

“That’s not something we can ever get an answer to,” Alex said softly, “But they must’ve had a reason.” Michael blew air from his nose, shaking his head. Alex’s hand touched his jaw gently, eyes searching his face before locking on his. “Breathe.”

Slowly, they did just that. In sync and connected and whole.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Alex broke first, quickly dropping his hand and taking a step away. He stood sideways a little, never fully turning even when Michael gave the man his full attention. He swaggered in without a care, all smiles with a shock of blue hair. 

“Who are you?” Michael asked. He huffed a laugh, tilting his head and his eyes drifted to Alex for a moment. Then they stayed there and he spoke to Alex instead of Michael despite the fact that he was the one who asked the question.

“Better question is who are you since I live here and you definitely don’t,” he said, smirking at Alex and his eyes flickering over him. Michael blinked rapidly in confusion. What? “I’m Forrest.”

“Long?” Alex finished, huffing a laugh, “You don’t look like a Long.”

“Best compliment I’ve heard all day,” Forrest, apparently, said, stepping even a little bit closer. Michael took a step closer to Alex and made sure Forrest couldn’t miss it. He eyed him slightly but still gave Alex his attention. “And you are…”

“Alex,” he said, “Manes.”

A flash of recognition crossed Forrest’s face and then he slipped into a pretty prominent smirk.

“And you don’t look like a Manes,” he said. Alex smiled at him, letting him stare and staring right back. Michael didn’t know how to feel about that. “Let me guess, you think aliens were here back in the 40s.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “You sound awfully sure of yourself.”

“Well, because it’s what happened,” Forrest said blatantly. Michael watched him, not trusting him to have a damn worthwhile thing to say. Alex seemed to disagree.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, look at this,” Forrest said, urging them over to one of the posts holding up the ceiling. Names were carved into it. “Roy and Walt were farmhands back then, right, but then there’s two more: Nora and Louise.”

Michael’s mouth went dry and he glanced over at Alex who was watching pretty intensely. 

“It’s a height chart,” Alex said.

“Yeah,” Forrest agreed, “So clearly they were family. But there’s no record of women being farmhands here and, honestly, nothing Roy did here would be worthy of an Air Force takedown. He was hiding something, yeah, but not that. Unless it was two refugees.”

“And your first thought is aliens?” Alex said, sounding a lot more incredulous than Michael could’ve mustered. Forrest just smirked and cocked his head to the side. “What happened to the little green man?”

“Nah, that’s not real. Between you and me, aliens are definitely real and on Earth and they look just like us,” Forrest said. Michael felt like his skin was on so tight he was going to burst. “Besides, I got some stuff to prove my theory.”

Michael quickly looked to Alex who just seemed so calm. He watched Alex take a step closer, smiling that flirtatious smile and he looked Forrest up and down with that  _ look  _ that Michael didn’t realize he used on other people. It had Michael wanting to crawl out of his skin.

“Show it to me?”

Forrest licked his lips and eyed Alex  _ again _ . “Let me go get it.”

Michael waited until Forrest was completely out of sight before he turned to Alex, eyebrows furrowed and not knowing if he should be offended or stressed. Offensive won over.

"What the hell was that?" he asked. Alex rolled his eyes playfully. 

"I'm getting information."

"By flirting?" Michael scoffed. Alex gave him a soft smile and reached out his hand, squeezing his bicep.

“Relax,” Aex said softly, “You look hilarious when you’re jealous, by the way.”

“I am  _ not  _ jealous,” Michael stated firmly. Alex let go of his arm and gave him a tight smile, clearly hiding laughter. “I’m not!”

“Tell that to the vein about to pop in your forehead.”

“I just don’t get what the flirting is for,” Michael said, eyeing him, “It makes me feel gross.”

“So, if it’s not jealousy, then it’s homophobia,” Alex said. Michael narrowed his eyes at him which just got Alex to smile right back and lightly thump his finger against Michael’s cheek. So much touching and none of it enough. “Don’t worry, I’m just playing to my strengths.”

“Playing to your‒”

Alex suddenly started walking away and Michael turned to follow him with his line of sight only to see him meet Forrest towards the entrance of the barn. He tried not to feel so personally hurt as he sidled up beside him, his hand touching Forrest’s back as he peered over his shoulder at the little box. Michael knew, objectively, that he was doing that to get information and the  _ only  _ reason he was trying that as an option was because Forrest started it. Alex would’ve never, ever done that otherwise or if anyone else was around. They were alone and he trusted that he had the situation under control, that’s why he was doing it.

But seeing Alex look at someone else like that still made him unreasonably sad.

“It’s not much, but…” Forrest said. Alex looked at him, his lips parted a little and his eyes searching his face. It had Michael feeling like an intruder. He shoved his hand in his pocket again, clenching and unclenching and trying to shake away the feeling of his bones not quite fitting beneath the skin.

“This is so cool,” Alex breathed, reaching over his shoulder into the box. Michael focused on that, on the way his hands filtered through the bullet shells and held one up. “You found all this?”

“Not  _ all  _ of it, but it’s sort of a compilation of a few different generations of Long discoveries,” Forrest explained, shrugging a shoulder and looking over at Alex with slightly red cheeks. That’s when it actually clicked for Michael. It  _ was  _ working. “But this,  _ this  _ I found. It’s Air Force dog tags, I think, and I think you’ll like them.”

Alex’s flirtatious facade faltered as Forrest held up the dog tags, reaching out to hold them in his palm.

“Manes, Eugene III,” Alex read, eyes flickering up to meet Michael’s.

“And, look, it even has a little branding on it. It’s super small, but if you focus, someone carved the letters  _ M.V.C.  _ on it,” Forrest said, smiling. Alex turned back on the charm, tilting his head in his direction to show his thanks. 

“Wow,” Alex said, sly as ever as he continued to act like that wasn’t a major fucking deal, “Clearly it was destined for me to end up here then.”

“Yeah,” Forrest breathed, letting Alex pocket the dog tags without another word.

Michael decided then that he was more in love with Alex than he knew what to do with.

-

“You are fucking briliant!”

Alex smiled, keeping his eyes on the road as Michael laughed and sifted through the box that he’d all but swindled out of the blue-haired Long. Under the bullet casings, there were other tiny little trinkets, things that looked normal to the untrained eye, but so very clearly remnants of something more to them.

“I told you I was playing to my strengths,” Alex laughed back. Michael leaned over the center console, smacking a kiss on the side of his head like that was something they did. Maybe they did.

“Yeah, but it took me way too long you meant that you were stealing shit with charm,” he said as he settled back into the seat.

“Well, then you clearly don’t know me well enough,” Alex teased.

“Bullshit.”

Like promised, they stopped by a small tree farm and bought the cheapest, ugliest one they could find. Alex pointed out that it’d be easy to use it for firewood after Christmas, but he really just enjoyed the way Michael smiled at it with bright eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was genuinely because of the tree or if it was because he was just in a good mood, but it didn’t matter. They strapped in the bed.

When they got home, they climbed out simultaneously and went towards the drunk. Alex dropped the tailgate and started to unstrap the tree. He felt eyes on him the whole time. A quick glance up showed Michael just staring at him with a small little smile.

“What?” he asked.

“I just realized this’ll be my first Christmas without Max since I was 10,” Michael said. Alex froze, not sure how to respond. Michael didn’t  _ look  _ like he was going to break down, he still had that little smile, but that didn’t really mean much. Alex knew better than anyone that breakdowns came in all shapes and sizes. “Iz and I are gonna go see him tomorrow, but, still… It feels weird.”

“Are you gonna be okay?” Alex asked softly. Michael stared at him for a few more minutes, nodding and turning his attention to the tree. He didn’t move to unstrap it. Instead, he hovered a little before taking a step towards Alex.

“It’s also my first Christmas with you,” he said. Alex gave a small smile, unsure if he was allowed to be happy about that with prior context. “You’re my family, Alex. And I’m really happy being here with you every day. You make things easy in a way that I didn’t know we could have before. I’m really grateful for you.”

Alex let his smile show. “I’m grateful for you too.”

“You know you can trust me with anything, right?” Michael whispered, taking another step closer. Alex swallowed as he stared at him, wondering if there was a reason for why he felt the need to say that. His eyes searched his face, but he only saw sincerity. Before he could ask anything, Michael spoke again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Michael nodded and stepped even closer. Alex couldn’t breathe. It didn’t seem to matter that they slept in the same bed or had a decade of history. This felt like a boundary was being prodded that they hadn’t quite discussed yet. He eyed Michael, trying to get a sense of what he was trying to do.

“Guerin,” Alex said as Michael took another step, placing himself firmly in Alex’s space in a completely different way that he usually did. Alex didn’t want to move away. “What are you doing?”

He blinked once, twice, three times, eyes flickering over Alex’s face before he took a step away and Alex nearly deflated as he remembered how to breathe.

“Thanks for the Christmas present,” Michael said. Alex huffed a laugh, trying to return to normal. His skin was on high alert as it damn-near screamed to be touched. Maybe they could go to bed early.

“What present? I didn’t get you anything.”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, nodding as he busied himself with letting the tree loose, “You did.”

Alex didn’t know what to say as he used his mind to levitate the tree and slowly bring it inside. Instead of standing dumbfounded, he grabbed the stand and took a grounding breath. This was one hell of a Christmas Eve.

Alex put the box he’d gotten from the Long farm in the safe beneath his bed and checked the cameras a few times before going to help set up the tree. He decided that he could focus on the dog tags and the alien paraphernalia later. This  _ was  _ the first Christmas he’d actually had a proper family to spend it with. Might as well make the most of it.

The doors were all locked tight and secure, making it easy to just listen to Rosa and Michael argue over where to put their make-shift ornaments on the tree while he made a fresh cup of coffee. 

“You can’t top the tree with a stuffed animal, Guerin.”

“Okay, so,  _ one,  _ it’s a stuffed jalapeño with a small mustache, not an animal, and  _ two,  _ since when are you the dictator of what tops trees?”

“Because I’m the only top in this situation!”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“You aren’t even trying to deny it!”

“Because you changed the subject! The jalapeño stays!”

“Okay. Put it up there and I’ll burn it when you go to sleep.”

“Fine. Compromise. We put this on top.”

Rosa was quiet for a moment before saying, “Works for me.”

Alex traveled back into the living room to see what piece of decor had gotten them to agree only to be slightly horrified to see it was a picture of him and Kyle, hardly 10 years old and holding up a dead deer with blood smeared on their cheeks. The two of them were marveling at it, seeming far too proud of their terrible taste.

“No,” Alex said firmly, “Absolutely not.”

“Come  _ on,  _ Alex,” Michael said.

“Yeah, come  _ on, _ ” Rosa agreed. He looked between the both of them and glared, but couldn’t bring himself to deny them of the one thing they settled on. 

“Fine. But we take it down tomorrow night.”

“Deal.”

Alex sat down on the couch and watched them, letting that warm feeling overwhelm him again. He liked this, liked having them in his house. It was hard to explain how, even though it was still decorated to Jim Valenti’s taste save for a few minor alterations, it only now felt like Alex’s. He was no longer borrowing Jim Valenti’s pity cabin. No, instead, this was his.

Later that night, when they crawled into bed after a movie marathon of shitty Christmas movies, he found himself facing Michael Guerin and feeling more calm than he’d been in a long time.

“I didn’t cross a line, did I?” Michael asked carefully. Alex shook his head.

“No. But thank you for checking,” he said. Michael smiled and gave a small nod.

“Working on it.”

Alex was the one to move closer, feeling bold and confident from the day, and placed his head on his chest. Michael’s arms wrapped around him and lips pressed to the top of his head.

“Merry Christmas, Alex.”

“Merry Christmas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> true story, I once made a stuffed jalapeno with a small mustache the topper to my christmas tree in my QuIrKy phase and my father was Not Amused
> 
> Alsoooooooooo do you think this counts as a slow burn at this point? unsure because I've never written a slow burn before


	7. crushcrushcrush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Alex learn a bit about their pasts and it affects them in very different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: crushcrushcrush by paramore

Michael tried to let it go, but there was one mystery that he couldn’t.

“Coffee?” Alex asked, leaning over the back of the couch to hand him a mug. Michael accepted it willingly, not looking over at him if only because he tended to get sidetracked every time he did. “Do you have work today?”

“No,” Michael said, “Got Sanders to give me the day off because I’m onto something.” 

He typed a bit more into Alex’s high-tech computer, searching through government databases that he really shouldn’t have access to as a way to find the social security number of that boy that hung around his mom in that barn in 1948. He’d figured that if he could locate his social security number, he could figure out where he was even if he’d changed his name.

“What are you gonna do if you find him?” Alex asked softly, his breath a little too close to Michael’s ear as he peered over his shoulder. Michael froze for a moment, but he quickly shook it off and continued to scroll through the list of people named Walt who was born in the late 30s in Roswell, New Mexico. It was easier said than done.

“Track him down, go talk to him.”

“He’s what, 80? What if he doesn’t remember?”

“Then I bring Isobel and we make him remember whether he wants to or not,” Michael said. Alex grabbed his jaw firmly, forcing him to look at him. 

He was close, eyes dark and serious for the first time in weeks. They’d been doing good. It was a week after Christmas, Alex had been helping both Project Shepard and Liz, and Michael had been doing his best to make progress in all facets. They slept in the same bed and they cuddled and they told each other they loved each other. Things were nice and easy. But Alex had a look on his face that was not at all nice and easy.

“No, you will not,” Alex said, “You’ll respect his boundaries. That’s an invasion of privacy and that takes away someone’s agency, do you understand me?” 

“But I want‒”

“I know you want answers, Michael, but that’s not the way to do it. That makes you the villain,” Alex said. Michael stared right back. He wanted to explain to Alex why it was so important to him, but, then again, he probably understood that well enough. Which made it all that more frustrating. “You are not the villain, are you?”

“No,” Michael said. Alex nodded, letting go and pulling away. Michael registered that he was in uniform and looking like a man on a mission. Which would explain the stern voice he had. Michael wanted to just grab him and pull him in, kiss him until he said something sweet instead.

Alex clearly must’ve seen that and he reached back out to move his hair off his forehead. 

“Please just be safe,” he said. Michael nodded easily. “I’ll see you after work.”

Michael watched him leave and stayed watching the door until he heard his car door slam and the engine start. Then Michael’s phone dinged and he pulled his eyes away from the door to check it.

_ Alex: I’m not mad at you. Have a good day, love you  _

Michael smiled to himself and got to scrolling for more information. Eventually, though, Rosa climbed through the hole in the floor and gave him an antagonizing smile. He tried to ignore her even as she plopped down beside him, peering over his shoulder. He leaned away and she leaned closer.

“You have a list of all the men named Walt, why don’t you search them individually so you can rule them out instead of making it complicated. Half of them are probably dead anyway,” she said. Michael pursed his lips as he looked at the list of 57 Walts, all of them with a variety of last names. He hadn’t even thought about that. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t be too proud,” Michael grumbled, quickly copying the list of names and pasting them in an open document before printing them. He put the laptop on the coffee table and went to go fetch the papers.

“Walt Freedman,” Rosa read, “Why does that sound familiar?”

“I have no idea, did you sleep with an old guy named Walt Freedman?” 

“No,” she scoffed, “I feel like I’ve seen it before. Maybe… Maybe on like a prescription or something? I don’t know, it’s been a couple of months.”

“Months?”

“For me months, not for you months,” Rosa clarified. Michael grabbed the printed pages and walked back to the couch where Rosa was squinting and thinking as hard as she could. He sat beside her and pulled the laptop back onto his lap.

“Well, let’s Google him, see what comes up,” Michael said. She leaned in close to watch and see what popped up when he Googled  _ ‘Walt Freedman roswell’. _

It took a minute, but eventually, they got a few results. Michael clicked on a background check website that popped up the name. It gave a few of his relatives, his age of 81, birthdate, and that he used to live in Albuquerque, but no sign of a current phone number or address. Which would’ve been a fine dead end, but then one of his relatives was listed as Lee Sanders. Michael blinked a couple of times in confusion.

“What?” he breathed, clicking on the name. It had all the same information, only now with a name Michael knew and a place of business that Michael  _ knew _ . “What the fuck? He knows the guy who knew my mom?”

“Michael,” Rosa said carefully. It was the first time that she’d looked at him without an ounce of rivalry. It made his stomach sink. “I think he  _ is  _ the guy that knew your mom.”

Michael stared at the screen for a few minutes longer before he was standing up.

“I gotta go.”

-

“We need to go talk to your father.”

“Hello to you too.”

Alex wasn’t having a  _ bad  _ day, necessarily, but he’d been riding a high for a little over a week and he was bound to have a downfall eventually. Today was that. And, considering how high that high was, this felt like plummeting even though he logically knew it wasn’t actually bad. That little voice that told him he had to feel guilty for being happy, though, had come back with a vengeance. Michael’s lack of response didn’t help.

“No, seriously, we need to go talk to your father. I’ve been looking through that box you got from that farm and those papers at the bottom had invisible ink on it.”

“How the hell did you figure that out?”

“The paper was kinda warped looking and I thought it was water damage, but it wasn’t. Cam pointed it out,” Kyle explained.

“You’re welcome,” she chimed in. Alex didn’t have the brainpower to care about why they were together when Kyle was in the middle of his shift at work.

“So, get this, we tried a couple of different things to get the ink to show up and you know what did? Heat. Not just any kind of heat. 110.3℉.”

Alex stopped walking.

“Michael’s body temperature?”

“ _ Alien  _ body temperature. I think this was a message written to their moms,” Kyle said, “I think it was meant to show when pressed against their body heat. But the problem is, it’s all in that code that my dad wrote in.” 

“Well, put it through the system,” Alex said like it was obvious.

“I did and I’m gonna go pick it up after work, but I already recognize at least one of the symbols as being one of the undecipherable ones,” Kyle said. Alex groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. One of the younger soldiers on base looked at him in concern, but quickly looked away when he caught Alex’s eye. “Maybe the new context will help.”

“Maybe,” Alex sighed, “Look, I’ll stop by after work and see if I can figure it out then later we can go talk to my dad.”

“Got it, Cap,” Cam said. 

“Yeah, got it, I’ll see you then,” Kyle said, “Be safe, Alex.”

“Mhm,” Alex hummed. He ended the call without saying goodbye.

Alex braced his hand against the wall for a moment, his mind feeling a little foggy from the newfound stress. He hated only getting a little bit of information at a time, he wanted everything. Instead, he kept reaching the top of the ladder and having to construct new rungs to go higher. Which was fine when he felt good, but today he wasn’t.

Mindlessly, he checked his phone to see if Michael had texted him back. They’d gotten into a new swing of things where they’d text throughout the day, it was small and casual, but it made him feel like he wasn’t alone ever. But, still, there was no ‘ _ i love you too’  _ and no excited messages about what he may have found and no subtle complaining about having to spend a day with Rosa.

That stupid mix of a bad day and his constant levels of anxiety had him staring a little too long before he typed out a message and sent.

_ Alex: are you mad at me? _

Read. No response.

-

“Sanders!”

“What are you doin’ here, boy? I said you had the day off.”

Michael’s mind felt like he was going to explode. The long drive from the cabin out here had done nothing but make him angrier. Did Sanders know who his mom was? Did he just keep that from him for all these years?

“Who is Walt Freedman?” Michael demanded. He froze like he’d been caught. Then he shook his head, turning towards his truck.

“I’m not doing this.”

“Tell me who he is!” Michael said, using his powers to slam the truck door closed. Sanders didn’t flinch or look to him in horror, he just sighed and turned back to face him.

“If you’re showin’ off like that, you already know who he is.”

Michael didn’t know what to say to that. He just watched him and tried his damnedest not to fucking lose it. How could someone who was the closest thing to a father figure he had, the only adult who kept his ass off the street some nights, be the same person who lied to him? It didn’t matter if Michael hadn’t bothered to ask, this felt like a firm lie by the omission of truth situation. 

“Why?” Michael asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew my mother? Why would you keep that from me?”

“I’m not drunk enough for this.”

“The fuck you are, tell me,” Michael demanded, coming closer. Sanders sighed and looked at him, a pretty pitiful look on his face. Michael just didn’t know who the pity was for. Then he gestured towards the chairs around the fire pit outside the airstream that was hardly even of use anymore.

“Fine.”

Michael eyed him, swallowing hard. It felt like it was too easy. But, still, he nodded and they went to sit.

For the next hour, Michael did his best to listen. He kept getting the urge to butt in, to challenge him, to ask why he could trust him, but instead, he kept his mouth shut and dug his nails into the heel of his palm beneath the bandana.

Sanders detailed stories of their time in that barn, about how kind and strong his mother was and about everything that led up to that day in the barn. She was protective and an engineering genius, something she clearly gave to him. He told him of how he’d only ever seen her leave the barn twice, once where’d she’d gone somewhere at night and once at the fair. Other than that, she was extremely cautious. She was the reason they lasted so long in the first place.

“Do you know where she went that night that she was gone?” Michael asked, “Why would she do that?”

Sanders shrugged haphazardly. “I was just a kid, I didn’t ask.”

“You can’t think of anywhere she might’ve gone?”

“I don’t know, boy.”

“Okay, fine, whatever, none of this explains why you went the last 13 years lying to me,” Michael said, eyeing him, “Did you… did you know it was me?”

Sanders pushed himself up to his feet and Michael scoffed, standing to try and stop him. He wasn’t done talking.

“Miss Nora gave me a map before everything went downhill. I wanted to get the hell out of Roswell, but that stupid map wouldn’t let me. Every once in awhile, I’d go up to check on you three in your little eggs. Then one day, I went and checked and you were gone,” Sanders explained.

“So you did know it was me when you gave me a job and let me sleep on your couch, huh? What the fuck is that about?” Michael demanded. Sanders ignored him and walked off. “You didn’t answer anything!”

“What do you want to hear, huh? You wanna hear that I knew what was goin’ on with you and didn’t try to help? That I didn’t go see you at that home and make sure you were okay? That I didn’t do everything I could to give you somewhere you felt welcome like your mama gave me? Because I did!” Michael felt like he’d been hit in the stomach more than once and he couldn’t seem to find the ability to breathe. “They don’t really like givin’ little boys to washed-up old men with a record.”

Michael tried not to get angry or emotional as he went back to his truck, tried to keep himself as Sanders drove off. He fell back in the chair and tried to ignore the choking feeling in his throat. He didn’t know what to do with that information. In fact, he hated it. He rejected it. He could process it later because, right now, it didn’t make sense. What was the point of saying all that if, for the last two decades, he’d just been lied to? 

Now what? He got all the information he could possibly get. There physically wasn’t anymore he could learn about his mother. He knew everything from Caulfield and he knew whatever firsthand account Sanders had from before that, and now what? Now he was just done?

It wasn’t enough.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, forcing him to be coherent for a few seconds as he pulled it out. It was from Alex, a message asking if he was mad at him. The simple answer was no, but he knew well enough that if he tried to get involved in a conversation with Alex right now, he  _ would  _ get mad. Right now, Alex was another person who was lying to him. That helped no one.

So, instead, he shoved his phone back in his pocket and headed towards the Wild Pony to drink away his feelings.

-

Alex was tired but determined as ever. 

The paper translated, loosely, into a warning that a raid was going to happen at the barn. Someone had taken the time to not only learn written alien language to communicate with them but had also  _ warned  _ them. It took Alex a few minutes to realize that whoever wrote it lied about the date or they themselves had been lied to. Alex didn’t know which one to believe.

But, regardless of what it was,  _ someone  _ had warned them. Kyle was right, though, there were a handful of symbols that couldn’t be translated. Yet, somehow, the letters  _ M.V.C.  _ had come through in the signature. It was a claim that they were on their side. That made exactly no sense.

Alex couldn’t wait any longer, though, and sat outside of the hospital until Kyle’s shift was over and only checked his phone to see if Michael had responded once. Cam met him there and the two of them climbed into Alex’s car without argument. He filled them in on what it said and how none of it actually made any fucking sense. If it was a lie, why would they bother mentioning M.V.C.? If it was true, was M.V.C. good? If it was good, why did his father have any part in it?

They pulled up to the Manes family home, two vehicles parked outside to show that Flint couldn’t seem to leave home. Alex almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“What’s the plan?” Cam asked as Alex watched the porch light turn on despite the fact the sun hadn’t quite set.

“We explain that we found evidence that the M.V.C. had been in contact with aliens that weren’t in captivity and that we know two of the heads of the trident, so might as well give up the other one,” Alex said.

“Okay, but what does he gain by giving us that information? We need to make it worth his while,” Cam pointed out. Alex sighed and fished the dog tags from his pocket. He knew his father and he knew that he would all but had a shrine to all the Manes men that came before him. Surely he’d take these with gracious hands.

“I got it,” Alex said.

Kyle’s hand landed on his shoulder, all but forcing Alex to give him his attention.

“You good?”

“Just tired,” Alex said, giving a small smile, “But if we figure out who the third head is, I’ll be doing great so let’s make it happen.”

“Let’s.”

The three of them got out of the car and headed for the front door. Alex had the strong urge to just let himself in, but he figured playing nice would get him a long way. So, instead, he knocked and waited.

Flint answered the door.

“What do you want, Alex?” he said, voice hushed like he was trying to warn him to leave. Alex almost felt bad for him again. But, still, he smiled. 

“I need to talk to my dad,” he said. Flint just stared at him and shook his head so subtly that Alex almost called him out for it. He wanted to call him out for it. “Okay, if you don’t want me to, maybe you can give me some answers.”

Flint closed his eyes and looked over his shoulder before stepping out of the house, closing the door behind him.

“Really?” Cam asked, “Are you that scared?” The way he looked at her said yes.

“What do you want to know?” Flint asked. Alex raised an eyebrow.

“You expect me to believe that it’s this easy?”

“I expect you to believe that he’s  _ worse _ ,” Flint said, giving him a look that made his blood run cold, “I don’t want you going near him. I don’t… I don’t know what the hell he’s up to, but it’s nothing good. He’s talking to old friends he hasn’t talked to since Mom left. I don’t want you getting caught up in that.”

“I’m already caught up in it,” Alex scoffed, shaking his head, “If it’s so bad, why are you still here?”

“And leave him unsupervised? Yeah, fuck that,” Flint said, eyes drifting to Cam and Kyle and then back to Alex, “You guys are tight-knit.”

“That’s none of your concern,” Alex said, “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what you know about M.V.C.? You wouldn’t give Cam much, but that was before I had more information. So fill in some blanks for me.”

Flint had a look of near dread on his face and he tilted his head back, taking a steadying breath.

“You need to stop looking into this,” he said.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. If it’s affecting my life, I’m not going to just stop,” Alex said. He didn’t quite elaborate that, while he could probably get out unscathed, he couldn’t do it on a good conscience. Not when being blind meant putting Michael at risk. Fuck all of that. “I know that it’s Manes and Valenti and another family. And I also know that they were in contact with aliens back in the 40s who weren’t in captivity. They warned them about the raid. Why would they do that?”

Flint looked around again, eyes going to a camera by the door that had been there since Alex was in high school. He also knew that it had no audio. He pulled out the dog tags.

“Tell me what I need to know and then bring this to dad as a consolation prize, got it?” he said. Flint shook his head.

“I don’t get you, Alex.”

“Yeah, that makes two of us,” Alex said right back, “Just tell me.”

“I don’t know how they made contact in the 40s, but I know that M.V.C. originated as an organization to help integrate aliens into American society,” Flint said, voice soft like he was scared he’d still be overheard. Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “It was started by the younger generations of our families at the time; it was supposed to be helpful.”

“How the hell did it turn into what it was, then?” Alex asked, “Because there was nothing helpful or humane about torture.”

“Yeah,” Flint said, again eyeing the camera. He tilted his head away so his lips couldn’t be read if someone were to be watching the video. “Yeah, that’s because it was taken over by the older members and changed into something else. They spent years saying that they were doing it for good, but it wasn’t. It’s not what it was meant to be and it hasn’t been for a long time.”

“And yet you’re a part of it,” Alex said blatantly. Flint looked at him and then Kyle and then Cam, each looking seeming deliberate.

“Didn’t really have a choice,” he said, “But you do.”

“I know I do,” Alex responded. Flint locked eyes with him and nodded.

“You do. You all do,” he said, slow and making more eye contact than necessary as he reached for the tags in Alex’s hand. Things seemed to click and Alex was torn between feeling absolute dread and wanting to dance on the fucking rooftops. He should’ve known. “I’ve gotta get back to Dad. Thanks for the dog tags.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell us who‒“

“Shut up, Valenti,” Cam said, voice stern. Alex managed to keep his face schooled, but he was feeling more positive than he’d had all day.

Answers were great.

“See you around, Flint,” Alex said, giving a curt nod.

“You too.”

The three of them went back to the truck and Alex waited until he started the engine and locked the doors before he let his smile show.

“Holy fuck,” Cam scoffed, sharing his smile as he put the car in reverse, “Holy  _ fuck.” _

“Am I missing something?” Kyle asked, leaning in between the front seats. Alex’s excitement kept building and he slammed his hands against the steering wheel, Cam matching the action with unbridled, uncharacteristic laughter. “Definitely missing something, did he drug you both?”

“No, you dumbass,” Cam said, voice lighter than ever as she turned to face him, “M.V.C. Manes, Valenti, Cameron.”

“Holy fuck,” Kyle joined in, shocked laughter starting to spill from him too, “So, that’s why he recruited you? And we have another avenue to find new information from people that don’t know what we know?”

“Fuck yes we do!” Alex cheered, feeling like he was going to burst. Yes. Finally. Something  _ new. _ Something  _ good.  _

“Brand new generation,” Cam said, “Children of the goddamn alien revolution.”

“This is the most lively I’ve seen either of you and I love it,” Kyle laughed.

And Alex loved it too. Maybe there was a reason for why his day started off so shitty.

Otherwise, this wouldn’t have felt so fucking good.

-

“Funny seeing you here.”

“Funny indeed. Whiskey.”

Maria eyed him but poured him a glass. He downed it pretty much immediately. It burned more than he was used to considering it’d been a hot minute since he’d had anything stronger than a glass of wine on Christmas in months. Alex wasn’t exactly the type to drink a lot, so it felt like a deliberate act if he’d gone to get alcohol. And now since Rosa was staying with them, there was  _ definitely  _ no alcohol in the house. He’d unintentionally gotten basically sober. Who knew.

“How’s life?” Maria asked as she poured him another glass which was weird in itself. Then again, these last few weeks were probably the longest they’d gone without seeing each other in over a decade. He huffed a laugh just thinking about it.

“Depends, I guess. Somehow better than ever and also worse because everything is a lie,” he vented.

“Like what?” Maria asked, leaning towards him. Michael glanced up from his glass to her curious eyes. He wondered if she’d come around from her assumptions or if she was simply just playing nice. It seemed impossible to tell.

“Nothin’ with Alex if that’s what you’re asking.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

Maria rolled her eyes and pushed off the bar. 

“Look, the way I acted was shitty, so can we act like it didn’t happen?” Maria asked. Michael eyed her and shrugged.

“You still think me liking Alex is just a phase?” Again, she rolled her eyes.

“No, I don’t. I get it‒loving Alex is easy,” she said. He gave a pathetic little smile.

“You have no idea,” he breathed, taking another sip. Maria just watched him with a thoughtful look on her face. He tilted his head. “What?”

“You really love him.”

“I really, really love him,” Michael sighed, nodding.

“Then why kiss me? If you’ve been in love with Alex since high school, then why even look my way?” Maria wondered. Michael stared at his drink, trying to give her a reason even though he didn’t really have one. Things were weird and he didn’t even know. Now, he couldn’t imagine not going to Alex when he was sad.

And yet, he was sad now, and he’d come here instead of going home to Alex. Maybe that’s what happens when the two people who had no reason to lie were, in fact, lying.

“Me ‘n Alex are… really fucked up,” he admitted with a soft laugh, shaking his head, “Nothing goes right with us.”

“Are you still staying with him?” she asked him. Michael shrugged and nodded. “Well, if you’ve been staying with him for that long, then something’s going right.”

“Nah, it’s not like that.”

“Well, what’s it like?”

“We’re just friends.”

“Are you? Can two people who love each other like that and live in the same house and spend all their time together be  _ just  _ friends?” Maria asked. He looked at her for a moment.

“Yes. If you knew the rest of the context, you’d say yes too.”

“Well, then give me context,” she said. Michael furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m trying to be a good friend here.” He gave a long sigh. Was Alex home yet? Could he go and get forehead kisses and cuddles yet? Or would that involve lying too?

“Context is a hard thing to give.”

“Try me.”

Michael sighed and lulled his head back to look at her. 

“Today I learned that the only two people who I never expected to lie to me have been lying to me for a long time. Alex included,” Michael said dryly, “And that’s got me a little more than fucked up.”

“I’m sure Alex at least has a good reason,” Maria said. She didn’t seem shocked by that admission and it had Michael wondering if she knew more than she let on. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she did. “He cares about you, so.”

“Why do you care all the sudden?” he asked. She gave a half-hearted smile.

“I want Alex to be happy. He’s happy with you.”

“How would you know that? You’ve never seen us together.”

Maria leaned forward again. “No, but Alex is ridiculously giving. I didn’t realize just how much he actually wanted you until that day in his cabin. He was being as nice as possible, but he wasn’t going to just let you go without a fight. He wouldn’t do that for just anyone.”

Michael sighed and closed his eyes, trying to believe that. 

He somehow managed to stay until dark and, by the time he got to the cabin, it was still. The porch light was on, but Michael would bet money that Alex was already in bed. Which meant he couldn’t talk about the Sanders thing with him. He wasn’t going to dump that on him when he was all tucked in for the night. He could talk to him about all the lying in the morning.

When he let himself in, though, Alex was waiting for him in the hallway, leaning on his crutches. He blinked a couple of times before locking the door back and started heading towards the man who looked weirdly happy. Not that that was a bad thing, but it was definitely  _ weird  _ and it felt like an insulting juxtaposition to the way Michael felt in the moment. Michael took a step forward and Alex nodded to the couch.

Michael walked towards it and picked up the small, shiny key that was on the pillow he used when he’d slept every night on Alex’s couch. When he looked over to Alex, he was just watching him from the hallway and seeming to be deliberate with the amount of space between them.

“What’s this?” he asked, holding it up.

“A key to my house.”

“I can pick locks with my brain, you know that, right?” Michael said. But Alex didn’t react. He gave a small, controlled smile and pushed off the wall.

“I also know you like metaphors.”

Alex turned easily and disappeared into his bedroom, leaving Michael standing there and wondering why his skin felt like it was on fire. Maybe Maria was right. Maybe they  _ weren’t  _ just friends. Maybe they could be more. Maybe it didn’t matter that Alex was lying.

Michael followed him to bed like a lost dog, eager for something more. Something that wasn’t just lies or that completely changed the way his entire life worked. He needed Alex to be open to him. Honesty could come later.

He dropped the key in his pocket and sped up, catching Alex’s elbow as he reached the doorway. Alex turned to him easily and rested his crutches against the wall, smiling like the sun had shined just for him. Michael didn’t understand why and, the longer he stared, the more he didn’t care. He wanted to feed off of Alex’s bright mood and maybe, just maybe, make sense of the chaos in his mind.

Someone wanted him. Two people wanted him. And they were both liars. How was he supposed to feel okay about that?

“I found out the third head of the trident,” Alex said, giddy fingers dancing up Michael’s arms and landing on his neck.

“I found out who the little boy was,” Michael said back, drier than Alex as he watched him. Alex’s eyes widened with joy and a smile grew on his face.

“So that’s why you didn’t text me back,” he laughed softly, fingers fiddling with his hair, “That’s amazing, who is he? Did you call him or go see him? What’d you learn? Oh my God, honestly, I feel like we’ve finally just‒”

Michael silenced him with a kiss. He didn’t want to talk. The more they talked, the more it would become apparent that Alex wasn’t going to be honest about everything. He was keeping that goddamn piece from him and it was getting harder to justify now that he knew everyone was capable of lying to him for years.

“Michael,” Alex said as he pulled away with a soft gasp, eyes wide, “We should probably‒”

“I don’t want to talk,” Michael said. Alex searched his eyes.

“You’ve been drinking,” he pointed out. Michael took a heavy breath and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not drunk and I don’t want to talk.”

Alex, his excitement not seeming to fade, just surged forward for another kiss. He was all smiles as he did so. Clearly, his judgment was clouded by his joy. Michael found himself ungodly jealous of that. 

Instead of expressing that, he tried to walk Alex back a step only to discover that it was a little bit harder when he only had one leg to work with at the moment. So, instead, Michael’s hands went to the back of his thighs and he lifted him with ease. Laughter bubbled out of the airman, something that hadn’t been there since he was a teenager. He was so, so happy. And still fucking lying.

Michael took him to the bed, kissing him a little rougher each time his smile skewed the kiss that preceded it. He slammed the door closed with his telekinesis, locking it mentally before easily moving Alex up so his head hit pillows. Again, he laughed and Michael silenced him with his tongue.

“I missed this,” Alex breathed as Michael started stripping him, desperate to escalate things so that maybe, just maybe, he could stop thinking, “I missed you.”

Michael broke contact just long enough to rid himself of his shirt and he looked down at Alex, seeing him still smiling up at him like this was okay. Like nothing was wrong. Like everything was  _ great. _ How did something like that make him so angry and so happy at the same time?

He stopped looking at his face, instead of moving to tear Alex’s sweats and boxers off him completely. It was a little sloppy, a little reckless, and Alex just kept  _ laughing  _ like this was funny. Michael didn’t get why this was funny. What was so funny about sleeping with someone you were lying to? 

Alex grabbed him, pulling him back up so they face to face. He still had his jeans and his boots on, but Alex was bare and he didn’t seem to be phased by that. He was just comfortable with it in a way he had never been. He pulled Michael in for a kiss, one that was soft and slow and he refused to let Michael set the pace for. He held him that kiss, calloused fingers caressing his cheek and forcing him to calm down. Forcing his mind to shut up.

“I love you,” Alex said against his lips, his fingers sliding into his hair while his other hand dragged up and down his spine. Part of him wanted to cry. A bigger part of him wanted to empty his mind even more.

“Love you too,” Michael said back, pushing himself up and onto his knees to unbuckle his belt. Alex’s hands went to help him.

For a moment, he wondered what this meant.

But then, he realized, it didn’t fucking matter. Nothing did.


	8. Devotion and Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I know the spark inside your eyes was just a match I used to set myself on fire._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and sweet except not really sweet at all
> 
> warning for sexual content and angst
> 
> title: devotion and desire by bayside (aka one of my all time favorite songs literally ever)

Michael was lured back to life by soft kisses on his chest.

A soft, slightly confused hum vibrated in his throat as his eyes slowly opened. The window, though it was covered with a thin curtain, showed that it was still dark outside. That didn’t stop those lips from moving up to his neck or those fingers from gliding across his stomach. His eyes left the window and went to Alex. It took him a few seconds to remember how exactly that happened.

“‘S early,” Michael grunted, voice hoarse and mind still a little foggy. It was hard to remember anything with Alex pressed up against him and kissing his skin.

“Yeah,” Alex whispered softly, pulling away just enough to look him in the eye. He was soft from sleep, eyes still a little tired and cheek red from being pressed against Michael’s skin all night. It was like he’d just woken up only a few seconds before Michael and immediately wanted his attention. That made his heart beat a little harder. “I’m sorry, you can go back to sleep if you want. Just, I have work and you have work and I wanted‒”

Michael silenced Alex by flipping them over, laying on top of him as he slowly woke himself up more. Alex smiled so wide, stretching just a little and using that as an excuse to arch his bare body into Michael’s. He was so relaxed, so  _ happy,  _ and Michael could hardly make sense of it. Did he always look like this when they hooked up or was this special somehow?

It didn’t really matter though as Michael nudged his nose against his cheek, pressing feather-light kisses to his jaw. Alex craned his neck to give him more space. Michael could hear him breathing, feel the way his arms wrapped around him, taste his skin. Everything was Alex. Everything was always, always, always Alex.

He kissed every inch of his skin that he could reach before dragging his tongue across the length of his jaw. Alex hummed, weaving his fingers into his hair and giving it a little tug to show his approval. Then Michael paused for a minute, letting himself enjoy the stillness of just being pressed against him and being allowed to have this. He wanted him so badly, he wanted them to be able to be in love and happy. He  _ had  _ been in love and happy. He trusted Alex to have good reasons to keep something from him. Part of him still trusted that he did.

But, fuck, that was harder to convince himself of when Alex was basically the only one he trusted.

Michael’s hands went to his thighs, hoisting them up to his hips and earning a little surprised gasp from the man himself at the escalation. Alex still held him close, though, and his thighs tightened around his hips as Michael dragged his teeth over a sore spot he’d made on his neck the night before. He was usually pretty good about not leaving marks, but last night he couldn’t help himself.

The mix of betrayal and absolute desire for Alex again made it hard to control himself.

Alex tilted his head, nudging Michael away from his neck to capture his lips in a kiss. Considering his mind was still hazy and the mood felt just right, Michael kissed back and let himself enjoy it. No matter what happened, no matter how bad he felt, he always enjoyed kissing Alex. Even last night when he felt like everything was shit, he could bury himself in that feeling. 

“I love you,” Alex whispered into his mouth as Michael mindlessly tried to bury himself again and it made it harder. It felt  _ wrong  _ hearing that. Everyone lied to him about everything, what did love have to do with that?

So, as a way to silence him, he slid his arm between them and took Alex in his hand. He sucked in a breath, but he kissed him back just as fervently. Michael tried to forget everything except for his breaths, except for his skin, except for his lips, except for the whine he gave when he bit the bruise on his neck, except for the way his eyebrows met in the middle and his jaw dropped when Michael did that  _ thing  _ he liked. Because he knew what he liked. Because he knew Alex.

Or did he?

Because it didn’t seem to matter. The more he tried to silence him, the more he swallowed the confessions that felt hallow and made him feel even more unwanted than before, the more they came. Alex liked to give affirmation, but what had once been  _ ‘god, you’re hot’  _ had turned into ‘ _ fuck, I love you’.  _ And how was he supposed to take that? Why did he have to change it?

You don’t lie to people you love. 

Alex finished with no warning, messy and hot and all but plastering their chests together. He cursed and apologized with his hands still weaved into his hair, but Michael didn’t care. He had a lot of bigger worries than something like that. This was nothing new. Alex put his hand on his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss, sharing breath as he moved to reciprocate. Michael stopped him by pushing to his knees and letting Alex’s legs slide off him.

He stared down at him. Alex looked slightly confused, but too blissed out to really put it together. When was Alex going to tell him the truth? What happened to  _ honesty? _

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Michael said. Alex grabbed his hand.

“Wait,” he breathed, sitting up and reaching for a kiss. Michael accepted it. “Let me join?”

And wasn’t it impossible to tell him no?

-

“Well, aren’t you bubbly.”

“Sorry,” Alex said, but he couldn’t deny it. His leg had been bouncing all day, vibrating with excited energy. Things were going good.  _ Better  _ than good. Not only had they had a massive fucking breakthrough, but he had  _ Michael. _

“Don’t apologize, happy looks good on you,” Cam said, giving him a smile.

They’d all met up after work to head to the school together, but Alex knew he was annoying. He’d been annoying all day and he didn’t give a shit. He’d never been so goddamn happy in his life. Finally, things were good.  _ Finally.  _

“Wanna spill what’s got you so giddy? Because I know it’s not just what we found out last night,” Kyle pointed out. Which was true. They decided to let Cam do a little digging into her father’s side of the family and see what she could find. She apparently didn’t get along with her parents and hadn’t spoken to them in a very long time, so it made sense that that was why she hadn’t been pulled into M.V.C. by them. Point is, that meant there was a possibility they had no idea what she knew. Shit was going to be great.

“Well… I don’t know if you wanna hear about it,” Alex said, chewing on his bottom lip as he replayed the night before and the morning. They still needed to have a good, cohesive talk, but it’d been years since he had to use foundation to cover up a hickey and he felt too young to care for the time being. 

“We’re your friends and you clearly wanna talk,” Kyle said. Alex didn’t need much more of a push.

“Guerin and I hooked up last night. And this morning, but, yeah, last night. Like, for real. Like, a thing. A thing,  _ us, _ ” Alex said, laughing to himself. He couldn’t wait to see him again, to kiss him. He couldn’t get enough. They were finally on the same page in the same book on the same sentence.

“That wasn’t already happening?” Cam asked at the same time Kyle asked, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No, it wasn’t happening, we were trying to navigate things without sex,” Alex said, squirming slightly as he continued to think about it. How the hell had he actually even gone that long? He’d been without him for hardly a few hours and all he wanted was to fuck until they were both numb. “But I think we’re in a good enough place where we can separate it and be adults about a relationship and alien bullshit.”

“And you’re sure?” Kyle clarified. Alex nodded.

“I’ve never been so sure about something in my life.”

“Well, then I support you.”

“Not gonna lie, it’s kinda weird seeing you so excited,” Cam said, “But I’m happy for you, Cap.”

The drive seemed to drag on for  _ way  _ longer than it needed to be and Alex was nearly crawling out of his skin. He felt so young and stupid, checking his phone over and over to see if Michael had texted him. He hadn’t, but he knew he was busy. Alex just couldn’t wait to see him.

To keep his mind distracted, he made a mental checklist of all the things they needed to talk about once they got home that night. The revised boundaries of their relationship, the third head of the trident, who the little boy was, and making sure they both wanted the same thing going forward. They’d been doing good, but they’d been known to let sex cloud their judgment and Alex was determined to avoid that.

They were going to be better.

Michael was already there, rummaging through his truck, whenever they pulled up at the school. Kyle and Cam gave Alex a little look that caused him to roll his eyes, but they both quickly went inside and left Alex alone with Michael. He was more than a little grateful for that.

“Hey, Cowboy,” Alex called as he walked up to him, taking off the hat of his uniform. Michael looked over at him and sighed before turning back to his truck, pushing himself up and into the cab more. Alex took slow steps towards him, trying to gauge his body language. Had he had a bad day? “Hey,” he said again, softer this time, “You okay?”

“I am fine, so  _ fine _ ,” Michael said, slamming the door shut after coming out of the truck empty handed. Confusion hit Alex like a train and he instantly reached out to grab his wrist, stepping into his space. Michael looked past him rather than at him. It hurt more than words could say.

“Talk to me,” Alex said, trying to coax him into calming down rather than making it worse. Michael was a paragon of making his negativity contagious. Alex refused to let it happen today. “What happened? What do you need?”

Michael took three heavy breaths before looking at him, making eye contact so deliberate that it was nearly breathtaking. But, then again,  _ Michael  _ was breathtaking. Alex took another step, their chests pressing together. It was reminiscent of that morning, only with an extra barrier of clothing between them. Alex couldn’t help but think that, if it was gone, he’d feel better.

He brought his hand up to his cheek, watching the way his eyes closed at the feeling. Alex gently rubbed his thumb over his cheekbone and stepped in just a little closer, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Michael swallowed and released a slow breath.

“Talk to me,” Alex repeated, staying close, “What upset you and how do we fix it?”

Michael opened his eyes and stared at him for all of two seconds before Alex’s back was shoved into the side of the truck. He skipped any form of sweet kisses, going straight for raunchy and explicit. It was all tongue, all teeth, all pressing against him in the most mind-numbing way. 

He reciprocated easily despite the publicness of it all, reveling in how badly Michael seemed to want him. He liked being wanted. More importantly, he liked being wanted by  _ him.  _ So he matched his speed and his desire, holding him close and getting his fix. He genuinely didn’t know how he’d ever gone with him.

Still, Alex made a startled noise as he took it even a step further, wedging his knee between Alex’s thighs and grinding his hips down with a little too much force.

“Michael,” Alex said, pulling away to catch his breath. His hands grasped his hips, separating them just a little. “Hey, we’re here to work on bringing Max back, remember? We can do this later.” 

Michael stared at him for a moment before nodding his head, peeling off of Alex and stepping too far away too quickly. Alex reached for his hand again.

“Hey,” he said, “I love you.”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, walking out of Alex’s grasp and towards the school. 

Dread seeped into Alex’s body as he began to realize that maybe they weren’t quite as on the same page as he thought.

-

What was the proper way to call someone out for being a liar?

“His heart is slowly repairing itself, yes, but, at this rate, it won’t be healed perfectly for years. We need something else or this is pointless,” Liz rattled off. Michael was staring at Alex, watching him handle the alien glass pieces with delicate, familiar hands. He was so fucking obvious.

“It’s not  _ pointless, _ ” Isobel argued. Liz just gave her a faux-sympathetic smile.

“Maybe we could make an alien-friendly LVAD?” Kyle suggested.

“Yeah, but then what? If we give him and LVAD, then he’ll spend his life waiting for a transplant that’ll never come,” Liz said.

“Maybe we use these,” Alex said, holding up the glass, “It’s living like their bodies, right? Why couldn’t we construct a pacemaker or something once he gets to a certain stage. Sure, not perfect, but tons of people live just fine with them.”

Liz’s face lit up. “Yes. Yes, we could definitely do that. Michael, this‒” 

“No,” Michael said easily, shaking his head, “No, we’re not destroying or altering any of the ship pieces.”

The room fell quiet, the four of them sharing looks between each other and Michael. It was like they couldn’t come up with a reason why he might not want that. It was almost laughable.

“Michael, this is Max,” Isobel said. Michael shrugged.

“So? That ship is the only option I have to get the hell off this planet and I’m not letting you take it from me,” he said, his eyes involuntarily drifting to Alex. He looked hurt by that, but not surprised. Just hurt as if all of his fears had been confirmed. Michael shook his head. “And you knew that.”

“Okay, you’re just being selfish now,” Liz said, “We need your help.”

“And it’s not just  _ your  _ ship, Michael. Max and I have just as much of a right to it as you do,” Isobel said. Michael scoffed.

“Bullshit. Neither of you cared about ever finding it, you just care now. It’s mine and I say no,” Michael insisted.

“So, what, you’re still just gonna fuck off the planet?” Alex asked, voice showing just how obvious it was that hurt his feelings. How funny was that?

“Well, I wish I could, but I can’t,” Michael said, “Because  _ someone  _ has been keeping fucking pieces from me.”

Again, he could hear a pin drop. Alex just stared at him and Michael could see the gears turning in his head, his walls building and his mind calculating a perfect response. Michael hated it. He just wanted fucking honesty. Why was it so hard to get?

“So you found that,” Alex said simply, voice hardened. Michael gave a sharp laugh, throwing his arms out in disbelief.

“That’s all you have to say?! I call you out for fucking lying to me for  _ months _ and that’s it?! When did you find it, Alex? Did you ever plan on telling me about it? I just, I have given you so many chances to tell me! I’ve asked you  _ over and over  _ if you were hiding something, and you always said no! What was the fucking point, Alex?! What was the point of acting like we’d changed or grown or done something different when you were just  _ lying _ ?” Michael unleashed, finally feeling like he was getting it off his chest. Suddenly, he could breathe again.

“We  _ have  _ changed,” Alex said. Except he wasn’t angry like anticipated, not even a shred antagonistic. He just looked torn and desperate. He looked like he did at Caulfield. Michael had to physically take a step back. “I didn’t mean to lie.”

“You did, though. You and Sanders were the only two fucking people who had no reason to lie to me and you  _ both  _ did. Both of you! Why am I surrounded by liars, huh?” Michael demanded. Alex’s eyes were slowly but surely getting teary like things were falling into place. Good. Michael didn’t like when they fell into place either.

“I’m  _ sorry,”  _ he said, voice tight as he willed his tears away, “I’m sorry for not telling you.”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

“Because I didn’t want you to leave!” Alex yelled, roughly wiping his face with his hand, “I just, I wanted you.  _ Here _ . With  _ me _ .”

Michael became increasingly aware of the fact that they weren’t alone, but it seemed Alex was forgetting about it more each second. 

“So you lied to be selfish,” Michael simplified.

Alex made a hurt little noise and took a shaky breath, his bottom lip quivering before his hands went to cover his face. It was strange. Such a big part of Michael wanted to make it stop, wanted to say they could talk it out, wanted to hold him so he wouldn’t cry in front of their friends. But that little part that couldn’t let it go felt like it had lit his entire fucking body on fire and he just  _ couldn’t. _

“What was last night then?” Alex asked as he dropped his hands after composing himself for a moment, “What was the point of that? If you think I’m selfish and a liar, why would you do that? Was that some kind of punishment? Because it worked. I feel punished.”

Michael didn’t answer. He didn’t have one. He was just pissed for even more reasons than he’d entered the room with. Alex quickly excused himself and left the room and Michael followed it up by shattering all the beakers on the lab. That anger he felt was all consuming, filling him to the brim with betrayal and self-hatred and he was struggling to see where the line between the two was.

“Way to go,” Kyle scoffed, quickly making his way to follow Alex out of the room. That left Isobel, Cam, and Liz all staring at him like he was the asshole. Which he probably was.

“The third head of the trident is Cameron,” Cam announced, eying him with distaste, “So, Alex, Kyle, and I will do just fine dismantling that side of things, we don’t need your help. We’ll keep you safe, don’t worry. You’re still a dick.”

With that, she left the room as well. And then there were three.

“Really, Michael?” Isobel asked, “What the fuck was that? Last time we talked, you were on cloud nine, what was the point of all that? And what do you mean Sanders was lying to you? And how come there are the  _ only  _ two you trust?”

“Isobel, please, just… give me a minute,” he said, digging the heels of his hands against his eyes.

How the fuck was he going to learn how to go back to sleeping alone?

-

“Boys are stupid.”

“Let’s burn them.”

Alex huffed a laugh, tugging his blanket a little bit tighter around him as he leaned his head on Rosa’s shoulder. He felt stupid and childish as she stroked his hair, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. She’d been like a big sister to him and, while things had changed dramatically, she was still right there when he needed her. And, right now, he needed her. 

“I just can’t believe he decided to be such a dick,” she scoffed. Alex swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “He could’ve just said he wasn’t ready to be in a legit relationship.”

“What, you think that’s what set him off?” 

“Think about it, he admitted he knew about you having that piece for awhile, what changed expect getting closer to actually having to be in a devoted relationship?” Rosa pointed out. Alex shrugged slightly.

“Maybe. I think it was Sanders that tipped him over the edge.”

“Yeah, but that’s still stupid. If he’s going to take it out on you, then he’s a ticking time bomb and not worth your efforts,” she explained. He huffed a laugh.

“Says you. You dated a lot of ticking time bombs,” he pointed out.

“Which is exactly why I know,” Rosa said, “But maybe now’s the time to just… start taking a step back. He’s a piece of shit.”

Alex was hit with another wave of tears that he, personally, felt were pathetic. 

“I thought you liked him.”

“I do,” Rosa sighed, “Well, I did. He was super immature about that. And that’s coming from me.”

Alex laughed a little and tried to believe that she was right, sinking into her side a little bit more as they tried to change the subject. It didn’t matter how much they tried, though, because Alex’s mind was stuck on Michael. He didn’t want to sleep alone. Actually, he knew he wasn’t going to be  _ able  _ to sleep alone. He already knew his night was going to consist of, staring at the cameras until the sun rose. 

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Rosa asked once it hit midnight. Alex had to be up for work in a few hours and, well, he needed to at least pretend he was going to sleep. So he smiled.

“Yeah, I’m a big boy, I can handle myself,” he insisted. She made a face and shook her head.

“Gross. Now get some sleep and if he tries to come here, I’ll kick his ass.”

“Sounds good,” Alex agreed.

Eventually, she went down into the bunker and he went to his bedroom. All the doors were locked, all the windows were locked, and all the cameras were on. He sat in bed, his laptop open as a distraction. He refused to lay down, unable to stomach the idea of smelling Michael on his sheets, and just scrolled through whatever would keep his mind distracted.

It was hard to rationalize how he’d fucked up so badly. He should’ve just told him whenever Michael asked if he was hiding anything. But, then again, wouldn’t Michael just find something else to be pissed about? Wasn’t that what he was good at? Maybe this blissful little blip in time was a fluke. Maybe this wasn’t real. Maybe they couldn’t have good things.

And yet, when Alex’s phone lit up with a text, he dove towards it like it was the last drop of water in the desert.

_ Michael: i’ll come get my stuff when you’re at work tomorrow. _

Alex stared at it, waiting for more to come. Waiting for an apology or even an elaboration on anything he said or, fuck, he’d even be happy with anything other than  _ that.  _ He put his head in his hand as he waited, desperately needing something to tell him he hadn’t just been fooling himself this whole time.

_ Tell me you love me,  _ Alex thought about typing, but he didn’t. That was desperate and he didn’t want to sound it. But, god, he wanted to hear those words again. Just one more time and he’d be okay.

And then the little text bubble popped up again.

_ Michael: it wasn’t a punishment. It was a distraction. _

Alex realized then that he either had fallen in love with the stupidest man in the world or the cruelest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	9. Fat Lip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's more adult than a little conversation and a little rebellion?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title: fat lip by sum 41

Michael took a deep breath as he stared at the cabin.

Alex’s truck wasn’t there and he was supposed to just be getting his things so he could go back to miserable living in the airstream. Still, it hurt. He felt like he’d fucked up. Which, he  _ had,  _ but he also still felt like he wasn’t wrong either. Yeah, maybe Alex lied to keep him from leaving, but wouldn’t it have said more if Alex had given it to him and he’d chosen to stay? Why didn’t Alex trust him enough?

He rolled that key over in his palm, the one Alex had given him and that he’d never had the option to use. It got caught in his bandana and almost fell to the ground, but Michael caught it and pressed it into his skin. Was it weird that he kind of wanted to burn it there?

Michael walked up the steps of the porch and slowly fit the key into the lock, turning it with ease. He swallowed hard and pushed the door open.

It was strange to be there now. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Or, it  _ did,  _ but it was like he didn’t fit there. He’d gotten that privilege taken away. Alex had told him he was always welcome no matter what, but… 

He made his way towards the bedroom and saw all of his clothes neatly folded on the bed, waiting for him. Beside the stack was the piece of that ship, glittering in all its glory. Michael’s chest ached and he looked away from it, walking to the other side of the bed and climbing onto it. It still welcomed him, still smelled like Alex, and Michael was probably tired enough to actually fall asleep. He didn’t realize how hard it would be to sleep without Alex again.

Instead, he reached over and grabbed the remote to the TV, turning it on to watch the cameras. He’d gotten used to watching them all the time and waking up in the middle of the night to Alex watching them after a nightmare. He was so paranoid at night regardless of how much he tried to hide it. Michael had yet to figure out how to counteract that. It hurt him to know that Alex probably hadn’t slept at all the night prior.

Stupidly, he rewound the footage to see Alex doing just that. He was curled up in bed, looking at his computer. Michael decided to be creepy and he watched him for a while, curling up in bed as he watched Alex stay up all night and look over to the empty side of the bed every once in a while. Fuck, why couldn’t they ever just  _ talk? _

“What are you doing?” Rosa’s voice suddenly said.

Michael nearly jumped out of his skin as he sat up, eyes feeling a little too heavy as he scrambled to make it look like he wasn’t watching Alex. He wasn’t really quick enough.

“You’re supposed to be getting your clothes and leaving, not taking over his bed,” she said. It didn’t take a genius to know that her tone wasn’t it’s usual playful anger. This was real anger and it was 100% for him.

“I’m gonna go, I just…”

“Wanted to make Alex feel worse?” she clarified. He pursed his lips and shook his head, leaning back into the pillows. He wanted to be welcome there again.

“You do realize Alex lied to me, right? For a long time,” Michael pointed out. Rosa nodded curtly.

“And you publically humiliated him,” she said. He sighed, shifting in the bed. He pulled a pillow into his lap and hugged it close.

“We’re both in the wrong then,” Michael said. Rosa rolled her eyes and walked into the room. She sat down on Alex’s side of the bed.

“You are,” Rosa confirmed, “And you need to tell him that. Because I learned that I would much rather have you two fucking above me than have him blaring Blackfire at 2 in the morning while making bread for comfort.”

Michael smiled a little bit, “He listened to Blackfire for comfort?” 

Rosa swatted his arm, but that didn’t keep him from feeling a little bit of joy at that. Michael didn’t know much about Alex’s mother, but he did know that she’d spent the first five years of Alex’s life laying grounds for the punk he’d grow up to be. The idea that Alex went with political rock music for comfort was almost adorable.

“He’s really upset. He was happy with you,” Rosa pointed out. Michael’s shoulders slowly dropped and he nodded, eyes going back to the camera monitors. They were paused on Alex getting up to go into the kitchen, probably to do what Rosa had said.

“I know,” Michael said, “But he lied to me.”

“Why didn’t you just talk to him? Why let it build?” 

“I  _ tried.  _ I gave him so many opportunities and he never did,” Michael scoffed, feeling that anger rise in him all over again. He didn’t know why Alex would be so insistent about honesty if he wasn’t going to abide by it himself. It didn’t make any sense.

“People make mistakes. Just like you did when you called him out in front of everyone,” Rosa said, “So talk to him now. Find out why he didn’t tell you.”

“He told me why. He said he didn’t want me to leave the planet, so he kept it from me,” Michael explained. Rosa was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Michael had to look over at him. She was just staring at him like he was the stupidest person in the world. “What?”

“You both have the emotional intelligence of a fucking thumb, you know that, right?”

“Like you have any room to talk.”

“I  _ do  _ because I’ve had nothing to do for the last three months but watch psychology videos on YouTube,” Rosa said. Michael rolled his eyes. “You need to just talk it out. No yelling from either of you. You guys were happy.”

“Is this what you told him?”

“No, I told him to leave you alone because you’re not worth it,” she answered honestly. He scoffed, but she didn’t seem phased. “Look, I’m on his side. But I do think the only way you two are going to be able to get past this is if you talk, you make it clear you’re not going to leave the plane, and he makes it clear he isn’t going to keep things from you anymore.”

Michael ran a hand through his hair. “You don’t get it. This whole fucking thing was built on us being honest. That’s what we established over and over and over. He broke that. It was the  _ one thing.” _

“Was it the one thing? Or was it just trust in general?” Rosa asked, “Because you know he was lying for a while before you freaked out. What changed?”

Michael let out a heavy breath. What  _ had  _ changed? Sure, he found out about Sanders, but what else? Why take it out on Alex?

“I… I guess it was because he’d become more open about everything else and it hurts that he was able to do that when he knew he was lying,” Michael tried, “Like, how could he say he loved me so much if he was lying about something he knew was important to me?”

“Yeah, he was wrong to do that. But he  _ wasn’t  _ lying about loving you, even I could see that,” Rosa said. Michael groaned, throwing his head back as he hugged the pillow tighter. How fucked was it that he’d gotten into the habit of wanting Alex when he was sad? 

“So, what? I just should apologize, forgive and forget?” 

“No,” Rosa told him, swatting his chest again, “You should talk to him.”

Michael breathed in deep and felt his hand seize up, letting him know that he’d been clenching it for too long. He hated this. He hated that he wasn’t allowed to have good things. Why couldn’t he just put in the effort once and everything that followed magically be fixed?

His eyes drifted towards the piece again and he stared at it for a while. It felt like it was taunting him. It was no longer something Alex kept from him to keep them together, now it was just a stupid reminder of what was keeping them apart. How the hell did he fix that?

“I hate everything.”

“Welcome to life, Guerin.”

-

“So, I talked to my uncle‒you’re welcome, by the way‒and I got him to believe that I stumbled upon our history naturally.”

“And he bought it?”

“Of course. He had no reason not to.”

Alex accepted the bag of Taco Bell that Cam all but hurled at his face. They’d agreed to meet up at Kyle’s apartment after work to go over some details of what to do next. He didn’t mind. More time away from home meant more time to not focus on the distinct smell of rain that Michael had left in his room.

“He told me he couldn’t tell me much over the phone, which I buy. He wants me to go to Alburquerque to have a talk with him and my cousins so they can catch me up,” Cam carried on as Alex unwrapped the burrito to put hot sauce inside, “I have a feeling they know Jesse Manes tried to talk to me.”

“But aren’t they on Jesse’s side? Like, M.V.C. was originally meant to help, but it went dark side. Isn’t  _ all  _ of it tainted? Meaning your cousins and uncle too,” Kyle said. Cam nodded, taking over the side of the couch.

“I’m sure, but that doesn’t mean they like Jesse. I mean, your dad was apart of it and he wasn’t Jesse’s biggest fan by the end of it,” she explained. Kyle nodded in understanding. “Point is, I agreed to go down there this weekend.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Of course not,” she scoffed, “Who do I look like?”

“A woman with a plan,” Alex chimed in. She flashed a little smile before nodding.

“You two are coming down with me. While I’m talking to my uncle, you two are going to go talk to my cousin. Just… a little undercover,” she said, looking between them, “I want you guys to get a feel on him without him knowing who you are and see if we can gauge just how much sketchy shit they’re in.”

“How are we supposed to do that?” Kyle asked.

“I did a deep dive and my cousin Casey frequents a gay club in his free time,” Cam explained, turning her eyes to Alex, “Gonna need you to turn on the charm, Manes.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Why me?”

“If I had to sweet talk your brother, you have to sweet talk my cousin.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that, that was Kyle.”

“Okay, and you think Kyle can believably flirt with another man for information?” she said, giving Alex that look like they both knew the answer. And they did. Kyle was a lot of things, but manipulative wasn’t one of them. He didn’t think he’d be able to do that at all.

“Okay, fine,” Alex agreed. Not like he had anything holding him back. Besides, maybe it could be fun.

“I feel like I should be insulted,” Kyle commented. After a few seconds of them staring at him with faces that said  _ ‘really?’ _ , he just rolled his eyes in reluctant agreement and went back to his taco. 

“So, I’m thinking I go to my uncle’s and he gives me the rundown of the operation. When he tries to recruit me, I say yes, I get unlimited access to other information we might not have in the Valenti and Manes files,” Cam explained. They nodded, downloading the plan in their minds. It really was a good distraction. Much better than the bullshit Michael had decided on. “Alex goes to the club, charms Casey, ask him about his tattoo. I trust you to be able to dig into that without coming off as a threat. Kyle, you can either go with Alex or stay at the hotel and make sure we both make it back.”

“I’m going with Alex.”

“Why? I don’t need backup,” Alex said. Kyle just tilted his head in doubt. Alex raised his eyebrows. “Why the fuck do you think I need backup or that you of all people would be helpful backup?”

“Because…” Kyle said, waving his head in a flippant little circle as if he should know. Alex just kept staring and so did Cam, waiting for him to explain what his thought process was. He eventually sighed. “Look, you’re the strongest person I know, but… that’s going to be an overwhelming environment.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“I’m  _ fine.” _

“Yeah, I know you are, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry.”

“Kyle, I am a grown ass man.”

“Yeah, and I would feel better if I could watch over you when you’re trying to go after someone who may or may not want to kill you because you’re related to your dad,” Kyle said, “So just let me come and we’ll both be happy.”

Alex rolled his eyes, but decided that wasn’t really something he could argue. If Kyle wanted to play babysitter, he could.

“Fine,” he agreed. Kyle smiled like he was proud of himself.

As Cam started to go over how exactly she’d worded that conversation with her uncle, Alex’s phone buzzed. He very reluctantly fetched it out of his pocket in the middle of taking a bite of his burrito, feeling dread slowly build in his system as he saw Michael’s name. Now what?

_ Michael: I’m sorry _

_ Michael: I shouldn’t have yelled at you in front of everyone like that. I want to be better than that and I’m sorry _

Alex stared at the two messages, completely lost on how to respond or if he even should. An apology was nice and all, but it still felt weird. He wasn’t quite sure that he deserved an apology. Or, at least, not for that. That was a natural reaction to being lied to. He more so would’ve preferred an apology about the whole sleeping with him out of hatred thing. That hurt more.

“Alex.”

He snapped his head up to see Kyle and Cam staring at him in two completely different levels of concern. He locked his phone and dropped it.

“Are you okay?” Kyle asked, voice a bit softer, “We haven’t really… talked since yesterday. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alex sighed, shifting in his seat.

“You can talk to us, you know?” Cam said honestly. Alex’s eyes drifted to her and she made unbreakable eye contact. He wasn’t actually sure what he did to deserve a friend like that.

“I’m just… I don’t know, I feel like he was being unnecessarily cruel. Which I guess, like, isn’t that out of character for him, but it… I don’t know, it feels worse than usual somehow,” Alex said before groaning and leaning back into the couch. His eyes mindlessly drifted to the front door and then the windows. 

“Well, it  _ is  _ worse. You two have been on a good page for a couple months now. It hurts more because it is worse,” Kyle said. Alex shrugged a shoulder. 

“I guess. Just hate that he decided it was okay to make me think we were moving forward when it was really just, like, fake,” Alex said, that wave of pain twisting his chest all over again. He tried to will it away, but it didn’t work. It still hurt. “Like why connect with me that way if it was a distraction?”

“He said it was a distraction?” Kyle clarified, “What a fucking dick.”

“That’s the thing, it kinda has been a distraction before. It’s always been easier to just fall into bed instead of talking, but this time… I don’t know, it felt like a step back and now I don’t know what to do,” Alex sighed.

“Honestly, my advice? Focus on the mission. Once we dismantle Project Shepard and it’s little cult counterpart, then we’ll be good and you can put all your focus into that,” Cam suggested. Alex sighed and nodded.

“You’re right.”

“But don’t bury your feelings,” Kyle jumped in, “If you’re upset, you can talk to us.”

Alex looked between them and gave a little smile. He actually believed that.

“I know. Thanks.”

“Now let’s get to planning.”

-

Michael Guerin wasn’t exactly known for his fantastic ideas and today was absolutely not an exception.

After his talk with Rosa and Alex leaving his apology on read, he decided that the best way to actually move a step forward was to do something useful for once. Alex had told him about that sheet of paper that was from the original M.V.C. with ink that was specifically tailored to be useful for aliens. He felt that was pretty advanced for 1948 America. He also had it on good authority (Kyle) that Alex got a little shaken up when it came to trying to get information out of his father. So, maybe, if he got information on that, Alex would sit down with him and they could talk it out.

Alex made a mistake, Michael made a mistake, Michael got the piece, Alex got the information, fair and square, right?

It was when he drove up to the Manes residence that he considered that he might have had a lapse in judgement. Yet, he still got out of the car and let himself into the front door, so maybe he was  _ thriving  _ on that lack of judgment. Part of him felt a little guilty for letting himself into someone else’s house without them knowing; he was committing Alex’s biggest fear. But he was committing it against a piece of shit who hurt Alex, so that felt like enough to excuse his behavior.

He moved as silently as his body would allow, but, as a telekinetic, he’d never really had to work on bodily subtlety. Jesse Manes was already aware of his presence by the time he made himself known, standing with his back to the fireplace. Michael smiled at the man in front of him.

“Hey, Chief,” he said, “Long time, no see.”

Jesse eyed him and nodded his head. It was like he had expected Michael to show up here some day and had just been waiting. Which, honestly, was sort of impressive. Even Michael hadn’t planned this out.

“What are you doing here?” Jesse asked, his walls up high as if actually scared of what Michael could do. That was almost funny given their history. Then again, here he had no weapons immediately on hand and he was alone. The only one around was Flint and he’d left not long before Michael pulled up, he checked. Besides, if something  _ did  _ happen, would Flint really be mad? Unlikely.

“Thought we could talk,” Michael said, walking around to sit on the couch and finding extra confidence in the way Alex’s jeans hugged his thighs. He figured if he acted all casual, it’d be for the best. The more unhinged he was, the more Jesse had the upper hand. It was easier if he pretended he had everything under control regardless of the situation. He learned that from Alex. “Heard of a little thing called M.V.C.?”

Jesse shook his head condescendingly. 

“Clearly I can’t tell my son anything in confidence.”

“Clearly,” Michael said, smiling easily, “So why not tell me a thing or two?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Aw, come on,” he urged, “It’ll be fun.”

Things fell silent as Jesse seemed to look around and become aware of his exits. It was like getting whiplash, seeing one of Alex’s traits so obvious in his father. Was that how he was raised? To always be on edge? To always be aware of the monster under the bed, in the corner, on the couch?

“Someone directly involved in M.V.C. wrote my mother a note back in 1948,” Michael said blatantly. Jesse didn’t show his shock at that statement, but, again, he shared Alex’s tell signs. “They were warning her of the attack, but they told her it was later than it came. What do you happen to know about that?”

“What makes you think I know anything about that?”

“Because I happen to know that you’re obsessive ass probably has every single detail memorized,” Michael said simply, “So tell me.”

He said nothing.

“What, you plead the fifth?” Michael asked, “‘Cause I think you should tell me.”

“You do realize I get nothing out of it if I tell you? You seem to think I’m stupid,” Jesse said. Michael shrugged.

“Thought you might say that,” he said, digging in his pocket for that piece of paper with the writing on it, “Thought you might also want this. You tell me what you know about it and I had it over, no further questions.”

Again, silence. Michael didn’t waver as they stared at each other. He wasn’t going to back down. He wasn’t going to turn up to talk to Alex empty handed along with his apology. Classified information was  _ so  _ much better than flowers and chocolate.

“Listen, Alex located the C part of M.V.C. Whatever you don’t tell us, we’ll find out in a different avenue. Why don’t you play nice for a minute?”

And just like Michael had learned to read Alex, he saw the moment Jesse decided it was worth it.

“This information goes directly to my son, doesn’t it?” Jesse clarified. Michael raised an eyebrow as if to say  _ obviously _ . He sighed and rolled his shoulders. “If I tell you what I tell you, you have tell him not to investigate the Camerons that are active.”

Michael couldn’t hide the confusion that overcame him.

“Why would I do that?” Michael asked. Jesse clenched his jaw and, for a moment, it almost seemed like he was  _ worried  _ for Alex. Or maybe that was simply wishful thinking and he was actually worried for himself. 

“They’re dangerous.”

“ _ You’re  _ dangerous.”

“No,” Jesse said, huffing a laugh as he shook his head, “No, I do what I do because I understand your people are volatile and manipulative and I was taught to protect my legacy. Which is why I don’t affiliate with them. The Camerons that are still active are dangerous to everyone.”

Michael eyed him, but he still nodded. Sure, he wasn’t actually going to believe that 100%, but it wouldn’t hurt to tell Alex to be a little extra cautious. Even though it  _ was  _ strange to hear Jesse actually sound like he gave a shit.

“Right, then,” Jesse sighed, walking over to a cabinet. Michael watched him carefully, half expecting him to pull out a gun. Instead, he pulled out a bottle of old whiskey and two glasses. Michael watched with absolute hesitation as he poured them and handed one to him.

“You expect me to believe this isn’t poison?” Michael asked. Jesse simply shrugged and sat in the large lounge chair that faced him, taking a swig. As he got more comfortable, Michael got more on edge.

“I’m extending niceties,” Jesse explained, taking another swig, “Do you want information or not?”

Michael didn’t trust him one bit, he really, really didn’t. He was horrible and abusive and murderous. But he still took a sip of that whiskey and relished in the way it burned his throat.

Then Jesse started talking.

-

Alex was exhausted as he made his way into the cabin, struggling to drag himself around to check all the locks.

He had a busy weekend ahead of him and he needed to  _ sleep.  _ It didn’t matter that Michael wasn’t here, he would just have to deal with it. He’d accepted (with a little push from Kyle) that he would just have to take a Zoloft before bed so he could calm down enough to sleep. If he stayed up another night, everyone would be screwed.

So he looked over the locks twice for good measure and he made his way into his bedroom, noticing that Michael’s clothes and the piece were still on the bed. Had he not come at all? Was that what the point of the apology was? He just wasn’t coming back?

Alex shook his head and grabbed them, going to his closet to hide them away for the night. However, he scoffed as he realized his last pair of clean jeans were missing. What a fucking bastard.

Despite his annoyance, Alex grabbed something to sleep in and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He brushed his teeth, changed his clothes, washed his face, and even took his meds. He looked at himself in the mirror and forced himself to relax. He was going to be fine. He didn’t need Michael.

Yet, as he turned to leave the bathroom, the man in question was standing right there in the doorway.

Alex’s instincts were already in action though, fist swinging in self defense. Michael, however, caught it and decided it was okay to put his arm around Alex’s waist to steady him, looking him in the eye as he panicked. And Alex was indeed panicking, staring in his eyes as he tried to calm his heart rate. He allowed Michael to hold him there for a few seconds before he pushed him away, taking a step back.

“What the  _ fuck,  _ Guerin?!” Alex snapped. Michael held up his hands in defense, only looking slightly alarmed and that seemed to stem more from Alex’s panic than the fact Alex almost fucking hit him.

“Sorry,” he said, “Sorry, I’m sorry. I-I’ve never actually snuck up on you before, didn’t think that was possible.”

Alex shook his head, a weird mix of anger and hurt and embarrassment filling him as he stared at him. He was too tired, he was off his game. That was bad. But why the fuck was he even here?

“What do you want?” Alex asked. Michael licked his lips and swallowed harshly, hands still held up beside his head.

“We need to talk.”

Alex furrowed his eyebrows, slightly confused.  _ Now  _ they needed to talk? But Michael looked deadly serious, eyes wide and chest heaving.

“It’s important. We need to talk. About a lot of things.”

Despite any type of judgement, Alex nodded and gestured towards the bedroom. He had no idea where this was going, but he was nothing if not a sucker for Michael Guerin. He was willing to listen to anything he had to say.

“Alright. Let’s talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, let me know if i missed any tags!


	10. Paralyzer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, Kyle, and Cam go to investigate the Camerons. Via flashback, Michael warns Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this did not go at all like I planned but here we are. Sorry for the long wait, life has been crazy which I'm sure you all are fully aware of. Hope everyone's safe!
> 
> **warning: violence and sexual themes/content**
> 
> title: paralyzer by finger eleven

_ Michael could see how shaken up Alex was after he snuck up on him. So much for starting in a good place. _

_ “So, what’s so important?” Alex said, lowering himself onto the bed. Michael didn’t feel welcome there, so he stayed standing and tried to focus on not pacing. It was hard considering his mind was full of all the shit Jesse Manes had told him. _

_ “I had a drink with your dad,” Michael started. Alex had a visceral reaction to that, leaning back and staring up at him in something akin to horror.  _

_ “You did  _ what _?” _

_ “I wanted to get information for you,” Michael explained, “So I went over there to get him to tell me about M.V.C. and he told me that the Camerons that are still active are dangerous. Like, extremely dangerous.” _

_ “And you believe him?” Alex scoffed. Michael squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to order his thoughts. _

_ “It was so weird, Alex,” Michael said, finding himself pacing despite the attempt to stay still, “He was, like, nice to me? And he almost seemed like he actually gave a shit about you staying safe.” _

_ “Then we know he’s lying,” Alex filled in. Michael shook his head. _

_ “Nah, it wasn’t like that. He didn’t kill me, didn’t even threaten me. Hell, we had whiskey together.” _

_ “Should I call Kyle to come make sure he didn’t poison you?” _

_ “No, he didn’t.” _

_ Alex shook his head. “I can’t believe you even went to him. Are you trying to get yourself killed?” _

_ Michael didn’t have a good answer to that. Was he trying to get himself killed? That was awfully reckless of him. But, no, he was just doing it for Alex. He needed information for Alex. For them both.  _

_ “Look, there’s some information that we just can’t get if we don’t talk to him. And I wanted to get that for you,” Michael tried, shrugging a shoulder. Alex shook his head, rubbing his face and his eyes drifted to the camera monitors. He looked so tired. “Let me just tell you what he said and then you can go to sleep and we can discuss logistics of it all tomorrow.” _

_ Alex furrowed his eyebrows at him and rolled his eyes, but he leaned back into the pillows. _

_ “Okay. Tell me.”  _

_ - _

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

Alex watched confusion cover Kyle’s face as he looked down at his t-shirt and jeans. He seemed to have missed the memo that they were going to a club. Alex rolled his eyes, leaning back towards the mirror to touch up his eyeliner. He’d tried to keep up with recent makeup trends, but he admittedly had to redo the exaggerated wings multiple times to make them even.

“Clothes?” Kyle said.

“You do know we’re going to a club, right?” Alex asked, looking to make sure it was even enough. Then he broke out the highlighter. “I know you’ve got a pretty face, but you have to at least  _ try.” _

“I would wear this to a club,” Kyle said. Cam snorted from the other side of the room where she was trying to pick out her own outfit. She’d brought a couple of different options, trying to decide just how unassuming she wanted to appear.

“This is how we know he’s gotten by on his looks,” Cam noted, shedding herself of the maxi-dress she’d tried on and reaching across to get the floral sundress Alex had suggested. It was effectively unassuming while also being short enough that it wouldn’t cause a problem if she needed to kick someone’s ass.

“Well, what  _ should  _ I wear?” Kyle asked. Alex turned to face him, trying to brainstorm for him.

“How attached are you to the length of that shirt?”

After an extra thirty minutes involving cutting off the sleeves and bottom of Kyle’s shirt, covering his cheekbones in highlighter, and Alex finishing his own look, they decided they were okay. Alex had gone with a loose button-up, leaving it only half-way buttoned and pairing it with tight jeans and messy hair. His goal was to attract attention and he had to triple check to make sure that he’d actually be able to do that looking like he did.

“Okay, wait, why do you get a full shirt?” Kyle asked. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Do you want people buying you drinks or not?” he asked. Kyle stared at him for a moment and then shrugged. “Thought so.”

“Also we need you not be assumed by the straight girls in attendance that you’re open to them,” Cam chimed in, securing half of her freshly curled hair back in a clip.

“But the guys flirting with me are okay?” 

“Love the confidence, Valenti.”

“No, it’s not  _ okay, _ ” Alex said, “But you’re less likely to forget what’s going on to flirt back.”

“Like I would forget what was going on,” Kyle scoffed, “My eyes are going to be on you only, Alex.”

“Romantic,” Alex teased, lightly touching his chest as he walked past to give himself one last check in the mirror. Cam reached out to mess up his hair a little more before rubbing her thumb over his slightly over-grown facial hair. “Should I shave?”

“No, you look hot,” she praised, nodding in approval before pushing on Alex’s cheek to make him face Kyle, “Doesn’t he look hot?”

“Yeah, obviously,” Kyle said. Alex huffed a laugh and stepped out of their grasp. “Is your leg good, though? Like, are you gonna be okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alex promised, “Took precautious painkillers just like the doctor prescribed.”

“Good.”

Despite the fact that he was going to seduce Cam’s cousin for information, this still managed to feel like a normal pre-game with his friends that he never really got. It made him feel normal for once. He liked that.

“Show me that picture of Casey again.”

-

_ “Okay, wait, back up.” _

_ Alex touched his forehead and sunk a little into his pillows. He looked tired and worn out and in pain and Michael couldn’t help but fidget watching him. _

_ “Are you okay?” he asked before he could hold himself back, “Do you need medicine? I can go get your painkillers if‒” _

_ “No, stop-stop  _ moving.  _ Sit down, I can’t focus when you’re pacing,” Alex instructed. Michael blinked once and then obeyed, sitting at the foot of the bed. He’d just info-dumped, reciting everything Jesse Manes had told him about the history of the Camerons and their involvement in M.V.C. “So, it was created to combat Project Shepard? We were right about that?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “But then, what, the Cameron involved was a double agent?” _

_ “Um, not quite?” Michael said, trying to find the right words, “Basically, M.V.C. was run by the youngest son of each family, hence the symbol being three men. It was Eugene Manes III, Manuel Valenti, and Charles Cameron. They believed in change, I guess? I think they wanted to work from the inside and try to help the aliens. But then Charles, like, fell in love with one, but she didn’t return the favor.” _

_ “Your mom?” Alex clarified. Michael shifted uncomfortably and shrugged a shoulder. He wasn’t 100% sure, but… Well, he had to assume it was true since why else would she trust a note from him? If the shoe fits, right? _

_ “He got angry that she didn’t want to be with him, so he decided all aliens were trash and turned on them which is how they got discovered in the barn. Jesse said that he basically started telling anyone who would listen that they were all conniving seductresses, so you couldn’t trust even yourself around them,” Michael said, shifting against. Alex gave him that stern look that made him stop. “He taught all his kids that, so now the entire active Cameron branch is basically murder hungry for aliens and anyone they think might be under their influence. Worse than your dad.” _

_ “Okay, but that doesn’t explain why my dad and Flint both have the tattoo. What’s that about?” Alex asked. _

_ “I didn’t ask,” Michael admitted, “If I had to guess, it’s more about what they think it means than what it was intended to mean.” _

_ “So if my dad is so aware of all of that, how could he still hate aliens? If he had this information, why does he want an alien genocide?” Alex wondered. Michael shrugged. _

_ “Superiority complex? Narcissism?” he filled in. Alex sighed and nodded, rubbing his face again. He paused as he covered his eyes, breathing hard and steady as he sat there for a moment. His body slowly started to relax before he jolted back to life and lifted his head. Michael frowned. “You’re tired, you need to go to sleep.” _

_ “No, I’m fine,” Alex insisted, sitting up a little straighter, ”Look, we’re going out this weekend to go meet the active Camerons, so we’ll figure out just how bad they are.” _

_ Michael’s eyes went wide. “What? No. I just told you they’re dangerous.” _

_ “Everything’s dangerous, Guerin. You also gave me reasons why we need to dismantle them even more,” Alex pointed out, “If this is even true. I don’t trust my father or anything he says. For all we know, he’s lying to us.” _

_ “Fine, then I’m coming with you,” Michael insisted. Alex shook his head. _

_ “You just said they’re murder hungry for aliens and who they influence. You come, you get us all killed,” Alex said, “Look, you warned me. I’ll be on high alert.” _

_ “I have a bad feeling,” Michael said right back. Alex huffed a laugh. _

_ “Yeah, I always have a bad feeling. And when I have a good feeling, it turns out to be bad all along. So trust that I can take care of myself,” he insisted. _

_ Michael frowned even more, feeling a little too stuck and a little too helpless. He clenched his fists and tried not to make it too obvious when it seized up. _

_ Alex noticed. _

_ - _

“There’s so many people!”

“It’s a club on a Saturday night, did you expect it to be empty?”

“I don’t know!”

Alex huffed a laugh and held onto Kyle’s hand so they wouldn’t lose each other as they made their way to the bar. He weaved through people with ease, catching eyes as he passed. He couldn’t deny that that felt nice. As great as being wanted by Michael Guerin could feel, there was always something so exhilarating about catching the eye of a stranger. They knew nothing and had no reason to give praise through pity‒it was purely aesthetic appreciation. Teenage Alex could’ve benefited from a lot more of that.

He pulled Kyle to the bar, the man seeming far more giddy than he should be as Alex ordered them drinks.

“You think there’ll be a drag show?” Kyle asked. The bartender laughed.

“Wrong night, baby,” he said, patting Kyle on the hand as he handed him a drink. Alex rolled his eyes at the vague disappointment on his friend's face.

“We’re here for a reason and you’re already getting distracted,” Alex told him, leaning closer to his ear so people didn’t overhear. Kyle nodded in understanding.

Alex took a sip of his drink as his eyes slowly started scanning the crowd. He needed to find Casey Cameron and then syphon him for information all while being cautious. Because he promised he would be cautious. As if Michael fucking Guerin had any room to talk about being  _ cautious. _

“So, you and Guerin made up, then?” Kyle asked. Alex tried to keep his face neutral. The last thing he wanted was to be off-putting.

“Depends on what you mean by made up.”

“Well, he went to your dad for information for you and you accepted the information,” he pointed out. Alex rolled his eyes.

“He slept with me knowing that I misunderstood what he was feeling and then told everyone I was a liar because I didn’t tell him about a piece of glass that was pretty unimportant. It’s gonna take more than that to get back to where we were,” Alex explained.

“But you  _ are  _ expecting to get back to that point?”

Alex sighed, “We’re trying this new thing where we’re adults and try to talk things through. We had a setback, but we’re still dismantling a government conspiracy together and he managed to apologize in under 36 hours. Progress.”

“Make him work for it,” Kyle insisted. Alex nodded and then closed his hand around his wrist.

“Yeah, I will, but is that him?” Alex asked, nodding towards a blonde man with a bushy beard and long hair that was dancing with another man in the middle of the floor. 

“Looks like him,” Kyle agreed, “What’s the plan?”

“We dance, I get his attention. Once we go to the back, give me ten minutes, if I don’t come out, come after me.”

“Got it.” 

Alex tugged on his arm.

“C’mon.”

Alex pulled him to the dance floor, keeping his eyes on Casey. He only took his eyes off him for a moment to make sure Kyle was comfortable with dancing with him before going back to the youngest active Cameron. He was 23 and bold and Alex had to play into his own strengths if he was going to get anything out of him. And, well, he  _ was  _ going to get things out of him.

He pulled Kyle’s hips against his, moving to the music as he kept his eyes on the other man. From prior experience, he knew he’d be able to get his attention if he stared long enough and pushed enough to make him want him. It’d worked before. Countless times.

Alex turned his face into Kyle’s just a little, nose grazing his sideburn as his fingers drifted over his neck. His eyes stayed on Casey, waiting to catch his eye. When he finally did, Alex smiled and continued staring at him. Casey grinned right back and cocked an eyebrow in interest to which Alex gave a little nod.

“This tickles,” Kyle whispered.

“Couple more seconds,” Alex promised. Kyle disguised his nod by turning his face into Alex’s a little more. Alex felt a strange, impulsive spike of interest burn in his stomach, but he ignored it as he kept his eyes on Casey and his challenging looks. Then Casey just kissed the man he was dancing with, eyes still on Alex through the whole thing. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“Kiss me,” Alex instructed carefully, eyes again double checking that this was okay. Kyle didn’t even question the request, pressing his lips to Alex’s in a relatively chaste kiss. It was almost cute.

Alex curled his fingers around his neck, kissing him back at the same level of innocence as he tried his best to lure Cam’s cousin in with his best pair of ‘ _ fuck me’ _ eyes. It seemed to work as Casey let go of his dance partner with a soft laugh, shaking his head at Alex. Score.

He broke the kiss as Casey started moving towards him, ending it with a kiss on the cheek and a silent promise that they’d talk about it later before Casey pushed between them and took over Alex’s attention. Alex gave Kyle one last look, seeing him a little red faced and dazed before he nodded and went to go find a place to watch over from afar. It was all Alex needed to dance a little more intently against his new partner.

“You’re a tease,” Casey accused, voice deeper than he expected it to be. Alex huffed a laugh and slowly moved his gaze from his lips to his eyes. Casey seemed more interested in him than he had in his first partner and that felt like a win in a couple different areas.

“I’m a lot of things, but I wouldn’t say that,” Alex told him. That fire lit behind his eyes and he licked his lips. 

“So you follow through?”

Alex grinned and bit down on his lip, leaning in closer as hands started roaming over him. This was too easy.

“Do you even need to ask?”

-

_ “Did he do something to you?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Then why does it still hurt? I thought Max healed it. Did you get an x-ray done?” _

_ Michael shook his head, pulling his hand into himself. Alex eyed him and he shifted under his gaze. _

_ “You’re changing the subject.” _

_ “Do you have more on the other subject?” Alex asked. Michael didn’t, so he stayed silent. “Exactly. So let’s talk about why you went to my fucking dad’s in the first place.” _

_ “I wanted to get information for you,” Michael said, shrugging slightly, “I felt guilty and I didn’t wanna come apologize again empty handed.” _

_ “Usually that means flowers.” _

_ He shrugged and tried to muster up a smile. “We were never really the flower type.” _

_ “We could’ve been,” Alex said carefully, “I thought we were headed that way.” _

_ Michael sighed and looked around the room, trying to find his words. It was much easier to present him with information or to be antagonistic than it was to admit his wrongs out loud. No wonder they had so many problems for so long. _

_ “I’m sorry. I fucked up, I should’ve just talked to you about what was bothering me,” Michael admitted. Alex shifted against the pillows. _

_ “And I’m sorry for keeping it from you. It… it felt unimportant in comparison to everything else and then I was scared that if you had it, you’d leave to get away from the important things. It was selfish of me to not realize that it was important. Important to you, to your history. I’m sorry,” Alex said. Michael’s eyes only then realized that the piece was still sitting on the bed, trying to taunt them but palling in comparison to the hold Alex always seemed to have on his attention. _

_ “And I’m sorry that I called you a liar in front of our friends and, fuck, I’m so sorry that I let us kiss and have sex with my mind like that. Yeah, sex has always been a distraction, but a distraction from the outside world. Using you to distract myself  _ from  _ you was…” Michael huffed a dry laugh, shaking his head, “And apparently I’m a genius.” _

_ “I’m not gonna say it’s okay,” Alex admitted, “That really hurt me. I can’t just go back to the way we were that fast. I know I fucked up, but that…” _

_ “Was wrong, I know,” Michael said, taking a deep breath, “But I want to make it up to you. Show you that I love you. Because I do. I love you, Alex, and I’m so sorry for not treating you like it.” _

_ “I love you too.” _

_ “I know,” he said quickly, “I know that. I thought you didn’t and you were lying for a while, but I… I know now. I know you love me.” _

_ Alex cracked the smallest smile, nodding his head. He looked so tired. _

_ “I’m sorry for not showing you it the right way,” Alex said. Michael nodded. They stared at each other for a moment too long before Alex held out his hand. “Good talk?” _

_ With a laugh, Michael accepted it and shook it. _

_ “Good talk." _

_ - _

It’d been a long time since Alex kissed someone with a full beard, but he made it work despite how itchy it was. Besides, there was nothing that screamed success quite like being pulled into the backroom of a club.

“God, get out of these jeans,” Alex said, trying to play it off like he wasn’t heading straight for that tattoo. He’d admittedly practiced getting on his knees and back up again more than a few times to make sure this would work. If things went 100% perfect, it would.

He unbuttoned Casey’s jeans and pushed them down, pressing sloppy kisses everywhere as he got on his knees in the most graceful way that he could. Getting back up would be difficult, but he could use his body as leverage. 

“What’s this?” Alex asked, slowly stopping his kisses as he saw that uncanny three-man trident on his hip. He rubbed his thumb over it, looking up to Casey who seemed over the conversation before it began. But, truly, Alex felt like he had more power than the man with his pants around his knees. “Never seen anything like this before. Does it have a meaning?”

“Family thing,” Casey filled in, “Now are you gonna get to work or are you just here to chat? What happened to not being a tease?”

Alex flashed a smile and pretended to get back to the task at hand. He actually had no interest or intent to do anything, but he could always lie. He just needed a little more information.

“What kind of family thing? ‘Cause it kinda looks like a symbol to one of the zodiac signs. Are you all tauruses?” Alex asked. Casey sighed.

“Doesn’t fuckin’ matter.”

“Oh, so, it’s a matching tattoo with an ex-boyfriend?” Alex asked. Casey looked down at him, eyes narrowed at the accusation. 

“What’s your name again?” Casey asked. Alex reached his hands out to touch his thighs in a soothing manner, wanting to sway his mind away from any straying thoughts that Alex might not be who he said he was.

“Alex,” he answered honestly. Alex learned young that a lie worked best when it was close to the truth.

“Last name?”

“You really wanna know that?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow. He hoped Kyle was right outside the door. “Didn’t know this was something more than hookup.”

“It stopped being a hookup when you started running your mouth, what’s your last name?” he demanded, starting to pull his jeans back up.

Alex slowly started to steady himself so he could get to his feet.

“Truman.”

Apparently, that was the wrong answer.

Before Alex could get to his feet, he was pushed backwards onto the ground. He looked up at him with wide eyes, still trying to play the part of an innocent misunderstanding. Really, he was trying to gauge how easy it would be to get Casey on the ground with him. He couldn’t get to his feet fast enough, but he could definitely put up a fight if they were on the same level.

“What the fuck?” Alex asked.

“That’s not your name.”

“ _ Yes,  _ it  _ is,  _ you dick.”

“You must think I’m so stupid,” Casey said, “Or that the makeup and the aging and the facial hair would distract me. Or, fuck, the hookup would distract me. I’m  _ trained,  _ Manes. More trained than you were.”

Well,  _ that  _ had actually caught Alex off guard. Were the active Camerons just given a fucking family tree of people to attack? Alex stared at him, wondering if he should deny it or if he should just accept he was caught and fight.

He realized denial was never his strong suit.

“Funny you’d think that,” Alex said, using his prosthetic to slam against Casey’s legs. It was just heavy enough and metal enough to throw him off balance, sending him to the floor.

Alex quickly locked his legs around Casey’s, rolling on top of him and putting his hand on the other man’s head to hold it against the concrete ground. 

“I didn’t wanna get violent,” Alex said, “I just wanted to know what you know.”

“Fuck off. I don’t trust Manes Men.”

“Sure,” Alex laughed, “Which is why you wanted to fuck one.”

Casey went still for a moment before he quickly bucked his hips, throwing Alex off balance. Alex didn’t let him go as his back hit the floor. Instead, he hooked his arms beneath his and wrapped his legs around his waist. It was a pretty stupid move, but it kept him from being able to stand up or even really roll back over.

“Just tell me what you guys are up to and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Like I believe that,” Casey said, “You’re a spy.”

“Now you’re just giving me too much credit.”

Casey threw his head back, hitting Alex in the nose just enough to get him to loosen his grip. He tore Alex’s legs off him and started climbing to his feet, taking an elbow to the side of the head. Alex used him as leverage to get up too, moving as quickly as he could and managing to steady himself before Casey could fully reorient.

“Just tell me,” Alex said, ducking out of the way as Casey swung his fist instead. Alex threw one back and actually hit.

They fought for what felt like a few minutes but was probably only about 30 seconds. He just needed to buy time for Kyle to get there and then they could get the fuck out. Clearly, the Camerons weren’t big fans of the Manes and weren’t keen on sharing any information.

“I’ve been told stories about you,” Casey accused, face bleeding as he tried to fight the headlock Alex had him in, “We all have.”

“Like what?” Alex asked, trying not to let go as Casey used his body to slam Alex into the wall in an attempt to get him to let go.

“The youngest Manes boy,” he said breathlessly, “Fell into the trap of one of them. Thought you’d smartened up since you hadn’t caused a scene. Looks like they were wrong. You’re just as fucking deadly.”

“Well, you’re right about one thing,” Alex said, tightening his grip as anger coursed through him. How much did they know about Michael? Did they know his name? His face? If Alex let go, would they go after him? “I’m deadly. But it has nothing to do with them.”

Alex swung him around, slamming his head into the brick wall and effectively knocking him unconscious. He didn’t bother sparing him another glance as he headed towards the door, needing to get to Kyle so they could get back to Roswell before shit hit the fan. It seemed they may have stirred the pot in a cold rivalry.

When Alex opened the door, however, five huge men were standing there and blocking his way. None of them were Kyle; all of them seemed to be too aware of who he was. Alex swallowed harshly and took a step back, bracing himself for the inevitable.

Live free or die trying, right?

-

_ “So, uh, you mind if I…” _

_ “On the couch,” Alex told him. Michael nodded, accepting the compromise easily and letting go of Alex’s hand slowly. “You’re always welcome. Even if I kinda want to throw you in the trash sometimes.” _

_ Michael snorted, “I guess you could have worse desires. Goodnight, Alex, please sleep well.” _

_ “Goodnight, Michael.” _

_ Michael stood up and started to walk towards the door, but he was stopped by Alex calling his name again. When he turned around, he saw him holding out the piece to him. Michael reluctantly took it and closed the bedroom door behind him. _

_ He was going to do better. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I take that scene from Skam? Yes. Yes I did.


	11. One Day Robots Will Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is missing, so Michael goes to someone who can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super super short but the next one will be long so 
> 
> **warning: mentions of kidnapping, anxiety, violence, child abuse**
> 
> title: one day robots will cry by cobra starship

Regardless of their ambiguous relationship status, Alex had promised to let Michael know when he got to the motel safely.

Midnight passed.

1 A.M. passed.

3 A.M.

5 A.M.

7 A.M.

“You just forgot, right? You got back and went to sleep, right?” Michael asked, leaving his 5th voicemail of the night. He’d called 30 times and texted even more, spending the whole night curled up on the couch and biting his nails until they hurt. “You’re gonna call me when you wake up and you’re gonna be so pissed that I blew up your phone. I checked four times, you brought your charger, so if you’re ignoring me on purpose, then… Please be okay. I need you to be okay. I love you, bye.”

When Alex had gotten up the morning after their talk and just started packing a bag to still head out to meet the active Camerons, Michael had been stressed beyond belief. No matter how much he said it was a bad idea, Alex deemed it necessary. Then when Michael tried to invite himself along, Alex told him no.

“I swear to God, I am going to kill you when you get home. You can’t just not return my calls, that’s a real dick move,” Michael spat, taking a shaky breath, “I miss you, come home.”

He’d bothered him for the rest of the week, trying his damnedest to either get Alex to stay or get him to let him tag along. It would’ve been fun, he’d said, a road trip with all of them. Alex had banished him to yard work after too many minutes of failed, teenage-esque coercion.

“I’m worried,” Michael sniffled at 8 A.M. Alex should’ve taken his medication by now. Had he done his morning PT? “Please call me. I won’t be mad, I just need you. I need to know you’re okay.”

They’d been slowly trying to build trust again and now he wasn’t answering. Was he hurt? Was he avoiding him? Was he just having so much fun he forgot? Did someone take him?

“Alex,” Michael said, stress crying into his palms at this point as his whole body shook with a new, unknown level of anxiety, “I need… Just one response, okay? Just one. So I know you’re alright. I love you. Please take your medicine and eat something if you haven’t. I love you.”

For years, Michael had gotten accustomed to never being able to talk to Alex when he wanted to. He was overseas playing G.I. Joe and Michael avoided even trying. But now, now after months of Alex picking up when he needed him, months of spending so much time together, months of needing him to breathe… Now it felt like his entire world was crumbling and suddenly he was considering filing a missing person’s report.

“But that’d be stupid, right? You’re on a secret mission, I’m a… redacted… so I just gotta wait. Just gotta… Please be okay. I love you more than anything and I meant what I said. So, you know, if someone took you and is listening... Tell them I’ll fucking kill them. I won’t hesitate. Don’t worry.”

Michael pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to will himself to feel better. His hand seized up and his body hurt. He just needed Alex to be okay and alive and  _ home.  _ He needed him to come home.

_ “The person you are trying to reach is not available. Mailbox full. Goodbye.” _

He dropped the phone onto the couch, raking his hands through his hair and pulling hard as he tried to calm himself. This wasn’t just anyone, this was Alex. If Michael trusted  _ anyone  _ to get themselves out of a sticky situation, it was Alex Manes. He was strong and smart and ungodly talented. He should be okay.

So then why wasn’t he answering his fucking phone?

“Whoa, what’s going on here?”

Michael looked up at the sound of Rosa’s voice. She was staring at him in concern which was new, but he couldn’t even take time to register it. He was shaking and felt like he was suffocating, his whole mind blurry and thinking of the worst-case scenario.

“Alex won’t answer and he’s not home and I can’t get in touch with him and it’s been  _ hours  _ and, and he said he would call or text or, or, or, or‒”

“Hey, it’s Alex, I’m sure he’s fine,” Rosa insisted. Michael shook his head, pulling on his hair a little harder.

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head, “No, he  _ said‒” _

“Did you try Kyle or Jenna? See if they’d pick up? Maybe Alex lost his phone,” she tried, coming closer. The couch shifted as she sat beside him and he tried to take a grounding breath just like Alex showed him.  _ Identify the trigger and breathe.  _ Except he knew the fucking trigger and he couldn’t  _ breathe  _ because it was an actual problem.

“No, I didn’t call them,” he said, staring at his phone. His messages were still unread and it brought a whole new wave of panic. He’d never felt so fucking helpless in his life. He just wanted Alex.

“Give me your phone,” Rosa instructed, taking it before he could actually hand it over. Which was valid because he felt like his skin was being turned inside out. He should’ve followed him or put a tracker on him or put a fucking handprint on him or  _ something.  _ Anything.

Anything would be better than this.

“Okay, let me try Jenna,” she said after Kyle’s went to voicemail. Michael groaned pathetically, shrinking in on himself again.

A few more minutes, a few more calls unanswered, and all it did was make Michael’s anxiety grow to insane levels. What happened? What the fuck could’ve taken them out? Sure, Kyle he could understand, but Cam  _ and  _ Alex? What kind of manpower did these people have?

“Oh my God, he’s dead,” Michael breathed‒or,  _ tried  _ to breathe, “He’s dead. He’s dead and the last thing he remembers is me being a total dick. He’s dead.”

“Hey, don’t say shit like that, he’s not dead,” Rosa insisted, swatting his leg. Michael just choked his tears, rocking slightly. Horrible, intrusive images of Alex’s dead body flooded through his mind. Bloody, beaten, shot, destroyed. Fuck. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ . “It’s Alex, he’s not dead, stop.”

“Then where is he, huh?! If he’s not dead, where is he?!” Michael demanded. Rosa glared at him.

“Acting like this will get us nowhere,” Rosa said, standing to her feet and gesturing for him to do the same. He was pretty sure his feet wouldn’t work if he tried. She rolled her eyes when he didn’t move. “Listen, I want you to really think about what’s going on right now. If something  _ is  _ wrong, your most useful people are out of commission. You have to actually put in the effort.”

“I don’t know where to  _ begin,”  _ Michael argued. 

“You sure about that?” Rosa prodded.

She stared him down for a moment and he carefully took a few grounding breaths. He had to be logical at least a little bit. If he was going to get Alex back, he had to at least have a starting place. So he closed his eyes, focusing on changing that anxiety and sadness into anger. It wasn’t hard. It felt like a reflex.

He took a few more breaths before he opened his eyes.

“I know where to go.”

-

Michael Guerin let himself into the Manes’ residence for the second time in one week.

Jesse Manes was sat at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and not even bothering to stand in fear like last time. Instead, he just looked up at Michael. His fingers itched, eager to just throw him into the wall. But he waited.

“Tell me where Alex is.”

Jesse paused, looking at him over the top of his mug. He looked genuinely confused, but Michael didn’t buy that for a second. 

“Did you warn them that Alex was thinking about going out there? Did you tell them about him?” Michael demanded. Jesse slowly lowered his cup.

“Now, son, I thought we were getting along last t‒”

“Answer me!” Michael demanded, throwing the mug across the room and slamming it into the wall. It was a perfect demonstration of what he’d do to Jesse if he didn’t get an answer.

Jesse sighed, looking longingly at the shattered mug for a moment before turning his attention back to Michael. He was too calm. There was  _ nothing  _ calm about this situation. Nothing at all. Alex was missing. So were Kyle and Cam.

“I didn’t warn them, but they already know who Alex is. He’s got Manes features and every active member knows of every family member of the other factions for safety purposes. If they took Alex, it was because of you,” Jesse said simply. Michael’s heart dropped into his stomach and his breathing threatened to choke him all over again.

“Bullshit,” Michael spat. Jesse sighed and gestured to the chair across from him. Michael was hesitant to do so. Last time they sat and spoke cordially, Alex went missing over the very thing they spoke about.

But, then again, Jesse had warned him.

Michael reluctantly took a seat.

“They have a theory that says any human who gets involved with an alien is just as dangerous and corrupt,” Jesse said. Michael scoffed.

“You think that too.”

“I don’t think that,” he said, still oh so calm, “I think it shows weakness and is a symptom of being overly empathetic to creatures that aren’t worth it, but I don’t think it’s something one can’t come back from. Alex has… other compromising issues. He’s disabled, he’s got PTSD, CPTSD‒we’re just scratching the surface. I understand why you’re worried.”

There was a level of coldness to him that Michael couldn’t comprehend. It was like there was a legit disconnect and he didn’t see Alex as his son. He viewed Alex, not as the man he was, but as the  _ idea  _ of what he was. A disabled, queer veteran. End sentence.

“He’s your son,” Michael said, eyebrows drawn together and shaking his head, “He’s your son, why don’t  _ you  _ care? Why aren’t  _ you  _ worried? I-I’ve seen so many shitty parents in my day, but most of the time they at least pretend. You can’t even give him that.”

“Alex made it clear he doesn’t want me pretending,” Jesse said simply, “And I learned a long time ago there’s no reason in being worried for him. Worry doesn’t change what that boy does. If anything, it makes him run towards the fire. He’s made his bed.”

Michael shook his head, leaning back in his seat and looking up towards the ceiling as he tried to collect himself.

“Alex is… He is the strongest person I know. And I have no idea how the fuck he became that with you as a father,” Michael scoffed, “No matter what bullshit is thrown at him, he can be kind. He can still love so much. He doesn’t trust you, but he still loves you. He doesn’t trust  _ me,  _ but he still loves me. Do you not understand how fucking incredible that is?”

Michael looked at Jesse, seeing that he was basically unphased. It didn’t make sense. How many years had this man put effort into becoming something that he forgot how to be human? How had Michael spent years trying to avoid falling into the cold arms of humanity and failed, but Jesse Manes had successfully evaded it completely?

“I’ve encountered a lot of monsters,” Michael said, leaning a bit closer and making sure he held eye contact, “I’ve encountered so many and, despite the fact that I’ve also met my fair share of loving people, I still became one. I’m still  _ this.  _ But Alex? Alex has been wronged by every goddamn person he’s ever met and he’s still  _ good _ . He is unapologetically  _ good.  _ And you know what? He deserves to see that there’s a point to it.”

“How exactly do you expect to do that?”

With a simple thought, Michael bound Jesse Manes’ wrists with an invisible string. Jesse managed to hide any type of alarm.

“We’re goin’ on a road trip.”

-

Alex’s head hurt ungodly bad.

“Alex, hey, welcome back to life.”

He squinted and saw Kyle looking down at him, shirtless for some reason. He tried to move, but it just hurt worse so he stayed put.

“What’s going on?”

“We may or may not be trapped in a cellar,” Kyle said softly, lifting something. It was then that Alex realized Kyle’s missing shirt was being pressed to his head. “But it’s okay, we’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Me? What happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Kyle asked. Alex closed his eyes and thought really hard. He felt disoriented and achy and probably had everything to do with that head wound he couldn’t really feel.

“Um, getting to the club?” Alex said, trying to remember what happened after, but it was blurry, “Did I get any information?”

“Well, I don’t know, you don’t remember,” Kyle sighed, “I’m sure it’ll come back to you. Right now, just stay put.”

“What’s going on?”

“A couple of guy’s cornered me. I don’t know how they knew I was with you, but they cornered me and threw me in the back of a van. Same with you, but you were already unconscious by then. Not sure what happened, but you’ve got a pretty nasty head wound.”

“That’s it?” Alex wondered, “Where’s Cam?”

“Shh,” Kyle hushed, looking around and stroking Alex’s cheek as if that would cover up what he said. Maybe it would. He leaned down and put his lips right by Alex’s ear. “Don’t talk about that or we’re never gonna escape. They can’t know she’s involved with us, okay? Just play along.”

Alex gave a microscopic nod as Kyle sat back up.

“I think you’ll be okay. It stopped bleeding,” Kyle told him.

“Good, I need to kick someone’s ass,” Ale said, groaning as he tried to shift again. His body still felt too heavy. “What the fuck, I’ve had a head wound before. They don’t usually feel so… They… I…”

Carefully, Kyle hand traveled from his cheek down to his arm. He carefully put a little pressure over a spot just below the inside of his elbow. Alex jumped, his body reacting to the spike of pain. Kyle whispered his apology, but it was clearly something had happened to his arm. Kyle reached down more, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers together. When he sat up straight, it brought Alex’s arm right into his line of view.

Branded into his arm was that familiar three men Neptune symbol, tiny and yet so, so obvious. In the first head, the one meaning  _ Manes,  _ was a little red dot, the product of an injection. His eyes went up to meet Kyle’s. His face was schooled, but his eyes showed his worry.

“And you?” Alex asked. He shook his head, saying they hadn’t done it to him.

Alex took a deep breath and nodded. 

This is why he hated going in blind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't supposed to have any alex in it but here we are


	12. It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Deathwish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael goes to rescue Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have mixed feelings about this chapter, but I hope you like it!
> 
> warning: blood, violence, self-inflicted wound
> 
> title by my chemical romance

Of all the ways Michael imagined his day going, he did not expect to be riding to a different city with Jesse Manes in the passenger seat and Maria DeLuca calling him four times in a row.

He had over an hour left, so he decided to pick up the phone despite the fact that he’d been planning to actually go see her in person. The whole mishap with finding out who Sanders was and the stupid piece (that was stuffed under the seat of his truck thanks to Rosa’s last-minute thinking) had put off going to talk to her.

“Hello?” 

“Finally,” Maria scoffed, voice laced with controlled panic, “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you. Where are you at?”

“Um, a couple hours away. What’s up?” he said. She was quiet for a few seconds.

“Liz is freaking out,” Maria told him, speaking slow like she was making a point, “She-she’s not really making sense, but she said she needs you. Something about Max.”

“Fuck” Michael groaned, gripping the steering wheel tighter. On one hand, he really needed to go to Max. On the other hand… Alex needed him more. “Uh, look, give me, like, a day, okay? Tell her to get Isobel and I’ll be back. There’s something going on with Alex, so he needs me.”

“Wait, what’s going on with Alex? Is he okay?” she asked, concerning prevalent in her voice. God, they  _ really  _ needed to talk to her.

“I-I don’t know yet. Just, listen, tell Liz I said it’s okay and then get her to talk to you,” Michael decided, his eyes going to his passenger who was clearly listening in. He was slowly forgetting why exactly he’d taken Jesse Manes on this trip in the first place.

“What’s okay? Michael, what is going on?” she demanded. He clutched the steering wheel harder.

“I swear, we’ll talk when I get back, I promise. Just… Just do this for me, okay? Just go help Liz, she needs someone else. I’ll be there before you know it,” he said. Maria was silent for a few seconds before she quietly agreed and the call ended.

“For a creature who has managed to trick people for over two decades, you’re a terrible liar,” Jesse told him, voice far too controlled for Michael’s liking.

“Yeah, well, for a guy with four sons, you’re a terrible fucking father,” Michael sighed, dropping his phone. He pressed on the gas harder.

Why did everything have to happen in one goddamn day?

-

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Kyle said.

Alex had recently grown a renewed appreciation for Kyle Valenti, but the last few days had made that appreciation grow immensely. And, the last few hours? He was more thankful than he could even articulate.

Kyle kept checking his head and his arm, just making sure over and over that they weren’t infected. Alex was slowly but surely feeling more like himself and getting stronger, but he was definitely keeping that to himself. He was more than certain that they had cameras on them. They just had to act helpless.

He gave Kyle his arm, letting him check over the stupid fucking brand that made Alex feel ill. He didn’t want that on him. It was made all the worse when Kyle’s hand froze, his thumb hardly an inch beneath the brand. His eyes slowly flickered up to meet Alex’s and then he pressed down. Alex swallowed as he realized there was a chip beneath his skin.

Then the door at the top of the cellar opened, a single file line of three people walking in. One of them was Casey, one of them was who Alex assumed was Grandpa Cameron, and one of whom was Jenna. She had that hardened look on her face, but Alex was no stranger to it. She was playing her part, keeping herself and them safe. He would thank her for it when he didn’t have to act like he hated her.

“What the fuck is the point of all this? We’re human,” Alex said, making sure to maintain an equal amount of venom and fatigue. They couldn’t know he was feeling better.

“I’m sure you know that humans and their aliens… it’s an inseparable bond. Volatile and violent. We just have to wait for yours to show up and we can kill you both,” Grandpa Cameron said. Alex shook his head tiredly.

“I have no  _ alien bond, _ ” Alex said, “But if I did, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to come.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Grandpa Cameron continued and Alex hated it because they both knew Michael was probably on his way, “You’re a special one, Alex Manes. It takes a special breed of evil to bond with an alien. I have a working theory that Manes are particularly susceptible to it.”

Alex couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows in confusion. Manes? Wasn’t it a Cameron that fell in love with an alien before? Wasn’t a Cameron the one who snuck away with Nora and gave her information about the raid?

“How cute. You really thought you knew something,” Casey laughed. His face was busted to hell still and, honestly, that made Alex feel better. 

“Oh, you must’ve heard it was a Cameron who bonded, haven’t you?” Grandpa Cameron accused, stepping closer, “Well, you’re  _ wrong.  _ He created the M.V.C. to be what it is today. He studied the bond by tricking an alien into thinking that’s what it was. He was never that stupid.”

Alex didn’t show it on his face, but it clicked that clearly that Cameron  _ was  _ that stupid. He just got his feelings hurt when it in fact wasn’t a bond and his love was one-sided and started a fucking cult in response. 

His eyes looked over them. Casey was beaten, Grandpa Cameron was about to burst with decades of anger, and Cam… Cam had that same brand on her arm. Alex looked over to Kyle. Did they not know who Kyle was? Why hadn’t he been branded?

“What, you worried your boyfriend might know you have a pet alien now?” Casey taunted. Alex’s eyes widened momentarily and then he controlled them, taking this as an advantage.

Alex couldn’t help but smile. “Oh. How cute. You really thought you knew something.”

A flash of anger crossed Casey’s face and he shared a look with Grandpa Cameron. Cam shot him a look and Alex just kept smiling.

“Why don’t you tell me something I want to know and I’ll tell you what  _ you  _ want to know,” Alex said, making a show of moving to lay his back against the wall. He put effort into seeming weaker than he felt. “Tell me what set of aliens you’ve been experimenting on to come to these conclusions and I’ll tell you who my friend here is.”

Alex watched Casey and Grandpa Cameron get visibly a little confused. Kyle was confused too which was fair. But, truly, he wanted to see how far he could convince them that Kyle was his alien. Maybe then they’d be taken aback when Michael showed up, guns blazing and telekinesis in full swing. He had been practicing, after all.

Casey and Grandpa shared a look before they stepped towards Kyle who instantly pushed himself closer to Alex either out of fear or sheer instinct. Alex tilted his head and shook it slightly, raising an eyebrow.

“Nuh-uh, you lay a hand on him and I tell you nothing,” Alex said, “And I know much more than you think I do.”

Again, they shared a look. Eventually, they decided they needed to talk before coming back to Alex and the three went back up the stairs. Even when they were gone, Alex didn’t show that he was scared or nervous or anything.

God, please let Michael show up before they realized he didn’t know shit.

-

“If you go in there, they’ll know what you are.”

Michael anxiously tapped the steering wheel as he sat the end of the achingly long driveway. Alex was just inside. He just had to go inside.

“And they’ll know who you are. Will they let you in, or will they shoot you on sight?” Michael wondered. He’d spent most of the drive in silence and, whenever Jesse tried to say some bullshit, he would turn up the volume. He just needed him for bait and information, really. Jesse had told him how dangerous the Camerons were before and that Alex really was in danger.

“Can’t be entirely sure,” Jesse sighed.

“But they know what I am?” Michael clarified, “Like, they know what I look like? You run off the same database?”

“Not necessarily. The Camerons aren’t as technical, they were always very much the brawn of M.V.C.”

“Why do you even have the fucking tattoo on you? If M.V.C. disbanded before you were even let in on the secret, then why do you have it?” Michael wondered. Jesse looked over at him.

“It’s principal, son,” he stated simply, “We bare the weight of our predecessors.”

Michael stared at the house and mulled over those words. Was that why Alex thought that way? Had he rejected so much of Jesse’s ideologies, yet kept that one? God, this was such bullshit. Maybe when this was all over, Alex would let him back into his bed. Even if it was just for one night. They needed it.

Michael took a deep breath and looked over to Jesse. He hated making plans and he hated making plans with Jesse, but Alex never went in blind. Alex always had a plan. Anger never got you anywhere. Anger would get them killed; plans would keep them alive.

“Alright,  _ Dad, _ ” Michael said, flashing a tight smile, “We’re gonna go up there and ask for my brother back in exchange for somethin’ fancy.”

“Excuse me?” Jesse said, raising a controlled eyebrow. It looked too similar, too much like Alex. Michael had to look away.

“You heard me.”

He shut the car off and reached under the seat, pulling out one of Alex’s backpacks that held the piece. He knew he brought it for a reason. Jesse didn’t question what it was, staying silent as he watched Michael put the bag securely on his back.

“Let’s go, Pops.”

With a little bit of a telekinetic shove, the two men began heading straight for the front door. The closer he got, the more he was willing to acknowledge that his plan was indeed half-assed at best. But, still, a half-assed plan was better than no plan. Maybe. Kinda. He was trying, that was the point. 

They knocked on the door and, surprisingly, Jesse played along. Michael was slightly discombobulated at the idea of Jesse actually coming along to help Alex. This was the least volatile he’d ever been. Maybe that coma was good for him. Still, Michael kept one eye on him. All it took was a moment of trust to fuck up everything. He knew that from experience.

The door opened and Jenna Cameron stood on the other side. Michael did his best to hide his confusion and took her tiny eyebrow lift as acknowledgment.

“It’s Manes!” she called. Heavy footsteps came and an old man stepped up. He was tall and lean and walked like he was the king of hell and knew it. For a moment, Michael considered asking for tips on how to do that. 

“Quicker than I thought,” he said. Jesse raised his chin to meet the eyes of the taller and older man, still managing to look down on him.

“Abel,” Jesse greeted. In that moment, Michael understood why Jesse was complying. Michael and Jesse Manes somehow share different hate for the same man. The enemy of my enemy, after all.

“Jesse,” the old man said, looking over to Michael, “And who’s this?”

“My youngest son,” Jesse said easily and, oh, Michael was close to crawling out of his skin. 

“Oh, really?” Abel said, skeptical, “Because last I saw I had your youngest in my basement.” Michael was back to hating the man in front of him.

“Tripp’s long lost son, had ‘em right before he died. Took him in,” Jesse said, taking a step closer and into the house like he was entitled to it. Michael followed his lead. “Now, why don’t we talk about my other son.”

“Don’t come here blaming us, that wasn’t planned. He was trying to play spy,” Abel scoffed, “When my Casey found out, your boy beat the shit out of him. Then we find out he’s still got that alien bond so bad he brought the damn thing with him.”

Now that was confusing. Well, the last sentence. The first bit seemed exactly like Alex. 

“Still can’t figure out why you let him go around like that. Truly shows what kinda bullshit you Manes are capable of,” Abel said, shaking his head, “Too much damn passion in all of you, that’s what my Daddy said.”

“He has an alien with him?” Michael asked, unable to stop himself. He got more attention than he would’ve liked. “I-I mean, I thought we effectively got him away from all of those creatures.” The words sounded wrong in his mouth and that didn’t go unnoticed. Abel eyed him slowly.

“Tripp’s boy, you said? Makes sense,” he said, shaking his head, “He’s got an alien with him. Which definitely makes it more worth my while to keep him. Your boy thinks we got live experiments outside of him.”

“My son isn’t your experiment,” Jesse said, still cold as ice, “It’s in your best interest to hand him over along with whatever alien you think he has.”

Michael could feel Cam’s eyes on him. He carefully let his eyes drift to hers. She covered her mouth to cough and used the motion to nod towards a door. Michael slowly began to feel out the lock to it with his mind. When she coughed again, he didn’t miss the way she held up three fingers. Three guards. 

“That would definitely not be in my best interest and you know it. I got exactly what I’ve been trying to get when your selfish old man kept all the live specimen to yourself,” Abel said.

“Chances are what you have are my boy and a Valenti boy, not an alien,” Jesse corrected, “If you did any kind of testing, you would know that.”

Abel eyed him suspiciously and didn’t seem to notice when the lock clicked. 

“A Valenti boy?” Abel said, seeming confused, “I thought they were all dead.”

“Jim wasn’t the brightest man, but he knew better than to make his son easily accessible.”

So that was a choice Jesse made. At least he could admit that.

Neither men noticed when Cam slipped into the door. Michael had full faith she could handle the guards well enough. Either that or she could at least talk to Kyle and Alex, prepare them to get the fuck out of there. 

“No alien. So why don’t you let my son and the Valenti boy go,” Jesse said. Abel seemed to consider it for only a few seconds before he shook his head.

“Your son is still bonded with one of them. The specimen will come for him eventually,” Abel said definitively. Jesse didn’t bother to spare him a passing glance, another point of self-control that Alex had and Michael most definitely did not.

“This  _ bond  _ you keep talking about, it’s not even real. Your entire ideology is built off something baseless,” Jesse argued.  _ Hypocrite.  _ “No one but me is coming.”

“I’ll just have to keep him and see.”

“Wait,” Michael said, catching both their attention, “I have an alien artifact. Authentic. I give you that, you give us them.”

Abel stared at Michael for far too many seconds. He just fucking wanted Alex.

“Let me see.”

“I don’t trust you,” Jesse said, “Show us Alex first.”

Again, more fucking staring. Eventually, though, he caved and they were being led towards that door Cam had disappeared behind. Michael clutched onto the backpack even tighter, giving that piece a tiny goodbye. As much as he wanted it and as much as he’d ruined shit with Alex over it, it seemed like a far too easy trade to save Alex in exchange.

It took an unprecedented of willpower not to run up to Alex and collapse onto him when he saw him. He looked tired, smeared makeup on his face. But he was standing and that was good. He was leaning on Kyle and showing no visible emotion as he saw Michael, but his eyes betrayed how thankful he was to see him. He needed a fucking hug.

But, unlike Abel, Michael didn’t miss the fact that there were no guards and no Cam. He swept his eyes over Alex, spotting bloody knuckles and a red spot on his forehead like he’d headbutted someone. There were a few racks of wine‒how many unconscious men laid behind them after underestimating Alex? Michael held back a big smile.

“Right, now give me the artifact,” Abel demanded.

“Give it to you while we’re in your basement? Idiotic, we’re going back upstairs and taking the boys,” Jesse ordered, gesturing back towards the steps. Michael was uncomfortably thankful for Jesse. It was easy to forget that he was actually cunning. Just not as cunning as Alex was.

They slowly made it up the stairs in a line, everything too easy and too military. Michael was just fucking waiting for something to be weird or wrong. He kept stealing glances at Alex, watching as he all but clung to Kyle. He itched for him.

Once they all got on the ground floor again (Cam appearing at the top of the steps after everyone else, her hair a little disheveled), Michael shifted the bag and unzipped it. He ignored the slightly horrified look from Alex as he pulled out the piece. Abel’s eyes widened with greed, stepping towards it.

And then things got a little weird.

Before Abel could get his hands on it, Alex and Jesse both seemed to have the galaxy-brained idea to knock him out. Jesse swung with an open fist and Alex with a closed on either side of his head, quickly rendering him unconscious and probably fucking with his entire equilibrium. He fell to the floor and Michael stared, dumbfounded.

“What the fuck are you waiting for, Guerin?  _ Move, _ ” Alex pushed, shoving his back gently so they could head towards the door. But Michael looked up at Jesse.

“Do you  _ really  _ think I’m giving this family anything? He should feel lucky he even knows the secret,” Jesse said, eyeing him with that familiar judgment, “You seemed far too comfortable with that.”

“We can talk later, let’s get the fuck out of here,” Cam said.

They all started running to the truck and maybe Michael should’ve thought it through. It wasn’t really big enough for all of them. Still, there wasn’t much thinking. Cam went for the driver’s seat and Kyle went for the passenger door. Michael jumped into the bed and reached out to pull Alex up too.

“Stop!” Alex said, causing all of them to freeze as he held out his arm. Michael felt sick at the sight of that three-headed trident. “I can’t leave. He put a fucking chip in me, he’s going to track me and we’re all fucked.”

“Then you cut it out,” Jesse instructed, not missing a beat. Alex didn’t even seem phased. Jesse pulled a pocket knife out of nowhere‒maybe Michael should’ve checked for weapons‒and took a step towards Alex. He grabbed Alex’s arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Alex spat, ripping out of his grip and taking a step back. 

“Then show me you’re a man and do it yourself,” Jesse said, voice stern as he held out the knife to Alex.

Michael hated the interaction and, despite all the help Jesse had done, he was quickly reminded why he hated him so much. His existence alone ate at the person Alex was. He was poison and Alex, no matter how strong, couldn’t seem to stop himself from giving it attention. 

Alex took the knife and, without hesitation or screaming or anything, cut into his forearm. Kyle hissed and went to move closer, but Cam grabbed the back of his shirt and basically yanked him into the passenger seat of the truck. Michael watched with bated breath as Alex dug into his own arm and pulled out the chip. Alex looked at his dad before looking up at Michael. With a quick nod of his head, he sent the chip flying somewhere to get lost on the property.

“Are we done being dramatic?! Let’s fucking go!” Cam yelled.

Jesse didn’t even so much as spare a bit of praise as he took his knife back and sandwiched Kyle inside the cab of the truck. Michael carefully lifted Alex into the bed and Cam was speeding away before they could even get settled. They laid down, close just like old times. Except this time Alex was bleeding all over.

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Alex hissed, his body jostling with each bump they hit, “Bringing my father and then offering to trade that piece for me? Have you lost your mind? I was expecting you to come alone.”

“I would’ve fucked up things if I came alone,” he said, moving to put his arm beneath Alex’s head so he wouldn’t hurt himself more, “You’re bleeding.”

“Yeah, I just fucking cut my arm open!”

“Hey,” Michael said, whispering despite the wind making it difficult to hear, “You trust me?”

Alex furrowed his eyebrows, trying to gauge what was on Michael’s mind. But, honestly, despite all the commotion, he was more at peace than he had been in a long time. Alex was alive and there was literally nothing else he could do but stare at him for the next three hours. Might as well be at peace.

And might as well keep him safe.

“Trust you?” Alex echoed. Michael slowly moved Alex’s hand off the open wound, closing his palm over it. 

“Yeah. You trust me?”

He wasn’t quite sure he could do it, but he could definitely try. He’d been feeling a whole bunch of emotions all day… might as well direct them somewhere. All he had to do was focus, right? Besides, they still had a lot of day left. Something was going on with Max. This was just the beginning and Michael had enough drive to push himself to do something with that underused power he’d kept pent up all day.

Alex took a deep breath and slowly nodded.

“I trust you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's "fuck" count: 22


	13. I Want To Know Your Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life begins now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly I can't believe I'm finished but also I'm so glad. Thank you for reading and commenting and supporting my story even when it took me forever between chapters, I really appreciate it. I hope this ending was worth the long wait and, again, thank you for reading!
> 
> title: i want to know your plans by say anything

“I’m sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up, I swear to God.”

Michael grinned helplessly as Alex pressed closer, the sleeping bag pinned over their head as if that concealed the fact they were kissing in the bed of the truck while Cam went 90 mph down the interstate. 

He’d tried to heal Alex and done a pretty half-assed job at it, the cut still visible, but bleeding significantly less. It would probably leave a scar, but apparently the whole fact that Michael had done anything at all and that, in a few hours, he’d have a handprint on his skin that his father couldn’t ignore was enough to make some of his anger melt away. It subsided enough for some celebratory kisses that were tiny promises that this,  _ they,  _ weren’t over. When they got home, they would talk more and Alex would have free reign to his emotions so he could feel how much he loved him. Then they could build that trust up again.

But the brand was still there. For that, Michael  _ was  _ sorry.

“We still have to go to Max. Maria called to tell me Liz was freaking out,” Michael told him, ending a series of kisses but not moving the sleeping bag even though it didn’t smell great. Alex nodded, reaching to grab his cheeks again to kiss him one, twice, three more times before ending it by rubbing their noses together. Michael really shouldn’t have been smiling so wide, all things considered, but he couldn’t help it.

“This doesn’t mean we’re back to normal, by the way,” Alex clarified, his thumb carefully rubbing over his jaw, “I’m still frustrated with you. I just am really fucking glad you came. Even if you were stupid about it.”

“I know,” Michael whispered, still smiling.

Normal. What they had before, living together and having meals together and going grocery shopping together and just co-existing in every way, that was  _ normal.  _ That was their normal. Michael wanted to scream that from the fucking rooftops.

“I love you,” Michael told him. Alex grinned slightly, his hand sliding over his chest.

“I can feel that you do,” he whispered, his good leg sliding between Michael’s, “You should get better at this whole handprint thing. I could get used to feeling you like this.”

Michael’s eyes scanned over his face to see that he was deadly serious. A childish grin overcame his face and Alex rolled his eyes.

“I love you,” Michael responded pathetically. Alex grinned, lips parting slightly so Michael could feel his breath on his lips. Despite the fact he hadn’t brushed his teeth since the night before, Michael couldn’t be bothered to be disgusted.

“Keep saying that.”

“I will.”

Michael was almost jealous of the fact that Alex could just tap into his feelings so easily. Were they just that loud or was he just that in tune with him or was it both? It didn’t matter. Michael wanted to feel the same thing from him. Unfortunately, it was a one-way street.

But Alex’s I-Just-Got-Kidnapped kisses were a two-way street and that was good enough.

-

“What the hell?”

“Couldn’t we have dropped him off first?”

Alex, with a little help from Michael, climbed off the bed of the truck and onto the sand. Cam had gone straight to the mines which was objectively bad since his father was still with them. Alex was going to have to deal with that later. Amongst other things. He’d had his prosthetic leg on for far too long and, despite being held by Michael under a sleeping back for hours, he was so cold he was almost numb. Kyle, still shirtless, seemed to be suffering a similar fate.

Michael seemed to read his mind though and reached into the cab of the truck and pulled out a shirt that was stuffed behind the seat, throwing it at Kyle. He accepted it with gracious hands.

“Well, considering Liz has been blowing up all of our phones for hours, I’m going with no,” Cam said cooly. Alex sighed, mindlessly rubbing his arm that was especially hot. He couldn’t tell if it was from the cut, the brand, or the handprint that was causing the heat. He was hoping it was the handprint.

As if on cue, Liz ran out towards them. It was almost poetic to see her running, dried tears on her face glistening under the sunset. She basically bodyslammed into Michael, desperately clinging to him. He hugged her back just as tight and Alex could feel all the care he had for her. God, he was going to struggle with keeping his mind on straight with all of those  _ feelings  _ Michael seemed to be constantly overwhelmed with. Alex didn’t know how he survived with all of them on the surface like that.

“Oh, thank god,” Liz breathed, sniffling as she slowly peeled off him and gave Kyle a similarly desperate hug. Then she dragged both of them inside the cave. 

Alex looked over at Cam and then they both looked to his father. He was clearly confused, but it was controlled to not be too obvious. Alex wasn’t sure about what to do with him. He didn’t really want him to enter the cave. He didn’t want him to see the pod or get any more information than necessary. But, still, the part of him that had just witnessed his dad actually  _ help  _ almost wanted him to see all of it. He wanted his dad to see that these aliens had feelings. That they were loved and could love. But he had to know that already, right? Michael had gone out of his way to bring Jesse along just to save him. He had to know.

“Let’s wait out here,” Alex decided on. As much as he wanted to be by Michael’s side, there were somethings he could do alone. This would just have to be one of them.

“Let me see your arm,” Cam told Alex. He reluctantly complied, sparing his father a glance. Jesse upturned his nose.

“God, I can’t believe you let it do that to you,” he said, sighing and shaking his head like it wasn’t actually all that hard to believe.

“You went all that way to help him get me. Why’d you do that if you’re so disgusted? Why help me at all?” Alex wondered as Cam grabbed her bag and poured alcohol over the cut to clean it. Alex was pretty sure that Michael’s handprint had sterilized it enough, but it better safe than sorry he supposed. His dad shook his head.

“You think I went willingly?” Jesse asked. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“You helped willingly. You helped save me,” Alex said. 

“And let them hold over me for years to come that they got the better of one of my sons? Maybe if you used any shred of common sense you wouldn’t have been a target in the first place,” Jesse said, the military voice in full force. Alex felt like a little boy again listening to it. “You’re still going to be a target, you do know that, don’t you? They run on a ton of bullshit ideology, but as long as you’re siding with those creatures, you’re still a target. You’ll die a target. I can’t be there to help you through every mistake.”

“You have  _ never  _ helped me through a mistake,” Alex scoffed, “You’ve never helped me at all, not unless it was for your own gain.”

“Self-preservation, Alex,” his dad said, “You could learn a thing or two if you had any.”

Jesse’s eyes focused on the cave. Alex knew that he couldn’t let him see anything that went on in there. He wasn’t all better or suddenly caring. He was still the same.

He would always be the same.

But that posed a problem. He was here. If he saw Max Evans stumble out, there would be a problem. Him being here at all was a problem. He was seeing more than Alex was comfortable with. They needed to do something.

Alex looked up and locked eyes with Cam.

-

Chaos was Michael’s best friend.

He was listening to everything that Liz was saying, but he wasn’t really retaining anything. Instead, he was trying to focus on that while also taking in Maria who stood in a wide-eyed daze while trying to comfort Isobel who had tear stains on her face and Kyle who was diligently laying out medical supplies. More than that, though, his mind echoed with Max’s thoughts. He was in the pod, yes, but they’d done something wrong and he was damn near boiling with power. Michael couldn’t focus. No wonder Isobel was crying.

_ Save me, Michael,  _ his voice said, alluring like a siren in all the worst ways,  _ don’t keep me locked in this cage. _

“Michael!” Liz snapped. Michael managed to give her a little more of his attention despite his clouded mind. She was crying and stressed, but she forced a little smile as she placed her hands on his cheeks to help get him to focus on her a little more. “He needs you and I need you, so I need to know that we’re okay. I know we’ve been working together, but we haven’t really talked. We’re friends again, right?”

The words felt disjointed and out of place and Michael felt like he missed a few steps. Didn’t she get in a fight with Alex, not him? Or, was he an extension of that? Was that how this worked now?

_ Alex Manes,  _ Max whispered in his mind,  _ Alex Manes, Alex Manes, Alex Manes.  _

Michael tried to shake the voice out of his head as he said, “Yeah, Liz, we’re good.” She forced a smile and sniffled, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m gonna be a better friend once this is all over,” she insisted, “Thank you for sticking with me.”

He tried to remember what she’d told him. Apparently, he ejected himself from the pod and blew the fuse of the battery Michael had rigged up to him, but he was struggling to breathe when he came out. Liz had panicked and shoved him back in until she could get Michale and Kyle to come help, but Max wasn’t happy about it. Hence the dragging Isobel and Maria. He wondered if Max was in their minds too. And, if he was, was he saying the same things? Could they hear him taunting him about Alex or was he special?

“What do you need me to do?” Michael asked. Liz let him out of the hug.

“I need you to stabilize him when he comes out after Kyle clears his airway,” she said, “There was something… wrong.”

“Yeah, there’s something wrong,” he agreed. Liz patted his cheeks and gave him an encouraging smile. 

“Let’s do this.”

It was hard to say exactly what happened next.

Michael went to pull him out of the pod, but he seemed to meet him halfway. Then Max was on the ground, gasping for air as he reached for Michael. It felt like something out of a horror movie. Then Kyle was in front of him. Then there was a blinding light that seemed to come from inside his own head while Isobel and Maria both cried out in pain behind his ears ringing.

It was all blurry, yes, but Michael was feeling a little extra powerful and he had Alex to thank for that. He had something to live for, something to fight for, and he forced his mind to clear enough to be of some use. 

Max was standing like he was in some cheesy superhero movie, heavy breathing and threatening. His skin seemed to be glowing with electricity, a visible layer of static covering him. He looked angry and, in Michael’s head, he was nothing but white noise. But off to the side were two psychics, both telepaths and empaths in their own right. If Michael was hearing headache-inducing white noise, what were they hearing and feeling?

Michael put himself between Max and Isobel and Maria, hoping to create some sort of barrier. He focused on his telekinesis and tried to use it to create another layer.

“Max!” Liz called, stepping in front of Michael, “It’s okay!”

But it wasn’t okay. He was boiling with power and he seemed to be happy about it. It was a direct mirror of the bullshit he’d pulled with Noah, only there was no bad guy here. He was going to hurt someone he cared about.

Michael did a scan of the cave. Isobel was on her knees and Maria was in a ball, both of them with their arms wrapped around their heads. Kyle was catching his breath on the ground, startled and overwhelmed. Liz was trying to talk to him. And Max was… not in the right headspace.

It was a quick decision after that. Max lifted his hands towards Liz, looking like he was going to do something he couldn’t come back from. Michael pulled her out of the way and pushed his hands in Max’s direction, effectively throwing him out of the cave. 

“Oh my god,” Liz breathed, but Michael barely heard her. He turned to Maria and Isobel, dropping to his knees to check over them. They were both crying and looked like they were in so much pain and there was nothing he could do. 

Well, almost nothing. He pulled them both into his arms, disregarding any complicated feelings he had. He held them, a face pressed into each of his shoulders as he focused on them regaining their breath. He whispered soft words of encouragement.  _ It’s gonna be alright, I’ll get stuff to help your head, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll figure it out, don’t worry. _

The peace of that lasted all of fifteen seconds before he realized he‘d thrown his supervillain brother right to the love of his life.

“Kyle,” Michael called, already peeling himself away from them despite how much guilt it gave them, “Kyle, look over them.”

Kyle, who already looked done with the alien bullshit, agreed and made his way towards them. Michael scrambled to his feet and out of the cave. But it seemed he was already too late.

Cam was holding Alex back who was screaming insults and  _ no  _ at Max who had a bolt of electricity connecting from his hand to Jesse Manes’ chest. Michael didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, good riddance. On the other…

“Stop!” Alex yelled, his pretty face so fucking upset as he watched Max kill the only parent he ever knew. 

Max did stop, but it was too late. Jesse Manes fell onto the ground and the night air smelled like burnt flesh. And Max still didn’t seem like he was done. He was grinning and looking for his next target, breathing heavily and looking like the monster Jesse Manes spent his life working against. Alex’s eyes were on his father though, lips parted like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Before things could get any worse though, Liz came out of nowhere and stabbed a syringe into the back of Max’s neck. He slowly fell to the ground and Michael dove to help break his fall. 

“Sedative,” Liz informed him. Michael nodded, his eyes drifting back to his brother. He wanted to hug him and have a reunion, but he could wait until he was actually Max again. Michael’s eyes drifted back up to Alex. “Go check on Isobel and Maria.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed, slowly climbing to his feet. But, instead of going back into the cave, he stumbled towards Alex. He was tired and drained from using his powers to do bigger shit than he was used to, but he needed to check on Alex. 

But Alex was still stared at his father, his face frozen in a state of conflicted shock. Cam was still in front of him and Michael noticed that she was holding him up. He reached out to touch his cheek and that broke his spell, locking eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Michael asked softly. Cam slowly let go of Alex and Michael pulled him into a hug. Alex pressed into him, breathing controlled as he kept himself calm. Michael breathed with him.

Time seemed to both drag and move too quickly. He wanted to hold Alex forever, but that wasn’t an option when the night wasn’t quite over. 

“Switch with me,” Kyle said suddenly, tapping on his shoulder. Michael reluctantly agreed and let Kyle take over with Alex, all but carrying him to the tailgate of the truck so he could doctor his arm and also take his eyes off Jesse.

“I got the body, don’t worry,” Cam told him. He nodded and went back towards the cave, not trying to spare Liz and Max another glance.

Inside the cave, Isobel and Maria sat looking closer to hungover than in actual pain which felt like an improvement. Michael crouched in front of them before swaying a little and deciding to just sit down, criss-crossing his legs. 

“Is Max okay?” Isobel asked. Michael shrugged. “Are  _ you  _ okay? Where were you all day? Why weren’t you here?”

Michael sighed, “Alex got taken, had to go get him.”

“Alex got  _ taken?”  _ Maria asked. Michael managed a smile.

“You seem more shocked by that than the whole alien thing.”

“Well, I gotta be honest, it makes things make sense.”

Michael huffed a laugh as Maria gave a small little smile. 

“Right, you two keep flirting, I’m gonna go check on my brother,” Isobel said. She slowly stumbled to her feet and Michael exerted just a little extra telekinesis to get her to her feet. She gave Michael a warm smile and rustled his hair as she walked past him.

Then it was just them.

“Are you okay?” Michael asked her. Maria sighed but nodded.

“Just a headache now. It was like he fucking wired my brain to everyone else’s and I was standing in the middle of 5 concerts going on, but all thoughts. Was just an overload. I’m okay,” Maria said. Michael nodded slowly. 

“Good, that’s good,” he said, running a hand through his hair as he breathed just like Alex taught him. It helped him feel a little less dizzy. “Maria, I‒”

“Look, I just want you and Alex to be happy. It’s my fault that I didn’t realize that that would only really happen if you two were together,” she said. Michael furrowed his eyebrows considering that was not at all what he was going to say. She smiled at him. “I kinda put that together around Christmas time and Liz told me you two were shacking up, but getting flooded your thoughts today echoed by Max, well… I get it. You two are too obsessed with each other.”

Michael snorted and shrugged his shoulders.

“We’re in a weird place right now, so I don’t know how true that is, but…”

“But you love him and you’re trying.”

With a smile, Michael said, “Yeah.”

“So then it’s all worth it.”

Michael took a deep breath again, letting that sink in a little more. He knew he didn’t need permission to be with Alex, but it sure as hell felt good not to feel like he needed to feel guilty for something. He wondered if she talked to Alex. And, if not, maybe he could make that happen.

“So, I don’t know what they told you,” Michael started, eying her slightly, “But Rosa’s at Alex’s cabin.”

He saw a million different emotions flush over Maria’s face before it landed on something that looked like relief. Tears slowly filled her eyes and her lips parted as she breathed in heavily.

“You… you mean she…”

“Yeah,” Michael said, “There’s a lot of space out there and with both of us trying to stay away from booze, it works out.” Maria swallowed harshly. “Do… do you wanna come see her?”

“Is that a fucking question? Yes, of course, I do,” Maria said, dropping her leg to kick him. Michael smiled easily. 

“Okay,” he said, extending his leg just enough to kick her right back. She sniffled with a smile and wiped her face. They both slowly started making their way to their feet, laughing a little when it took longer than it should’ve.

“I want you to know I’m pissed that you hid Rosa from me, but I’m tired and want to see her and I’ll yell at you later,” Maria warned. Michael snorted as they found their footing.

“Somehow not the first time I’ve heard a speech like that today.”

When they made their way out of the cave, Isobel was chugging acetone beside Max’s unconscious body, Cam was already stuffing the body into the backseat of Isobel’s SUV, and Kyle was standing between Alex’s knees at the tailgate with their foreheads pressed together. Michael felt a little pinch of jealousy, but he buried it easily. Still, he went right up to them.

“Your dad was a dick, Alex,” Kyle whispered. Michael reached out to put a hand on Alex’s back in silent solidarity. Alex spared him a little look and a smile but didn’t separate from Kyle. 

“It’s kinda poetic though, isn’t it? He spent his life saying they were deadly,” Alex said, sighing heavily, “Can’t help but feel like his dying act was him being proved right.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said. 

“You didn’t kill him.”

“Yeah, but I threw Max out here knowing he was dangerous,” Michael said. Alex shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said softly, “I didn’t know what to do with him anyway, he saw too much. Problem solved.”

There wasn’t much to say after that. They sat there for a moment before Alex took a deep breath and sat up straight. Kyle leaned back just a little and Alex squeezed his arm. Michael rubbed Alex’s back still.

“I need to get home. My leg is fucking killing me,” Alex said. Michael nodded.

“I’ll drive you.”

“Kyle, come with me, I called Flint,” Cam said, “Let’s take care of it.”

“Are you good, Alex?” Kyle asked, leaning to lock eyes with him. Alex nodded.

“Yeah, just come to the cabin when you guys are done if you can, so I know you two are okay,” Alex suggested and Michael smiled. It was stupid and really not the time, but there was something about Alex asking for what he wanted that made him feel good.

By the time Kyle and Cam were driving off, Liz and Isobel were putting Max into the backseat of Liz’s car. 

“What’s the plan?” Michael asked, leaving Alex’s side reluctantly. Maria started helping him into the cab of the truck. 

“Well, we’re gonna take him home. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll be better,” Liz said. 

“And what if he freaks out on you two and hurts one of you?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, not gonna happen. We’re gonna alien-proof his bedroom until further notice,” Isobel said, smiling a little too proud. Michael rolled his eyes, but he nodded his head. 

“Do you need me to come?” Michael offered. Isobel breathed heavily and shook her head, coming closer and wrapping him up in her arms. Michael easily melted into her hug. It was a safe place after a fucking terrible day. 

“Go home with your man. You’re no help with us until he wakes up,” Isobel told him. He nodded and she kissed his cheek, surely leaving a red lipstick print but he didn’t mind. “I love you, stay safe, text me when you get home.”

“I will.”

-

“We’ll leave you two to it.”

Alex didn’t mean to be rude, but he was hurting and tired. Besides, Maria and Rosa would be just great without his presence. The plan was they would spend the night in the bunker and Alex would take Maria home before work the following day. That gave them a ton of hours to bond.

Michael followed Alex to his bedroom.

“Do you need me to do anything? Run you a bath? Wash your clothes? Take a shower so I don’t smell bad?” Michael wondered. Alex sat on the bench at the foot of his bed and looked up at where he was hovering in the doorway. He wasn’t quite sure if he was welcome.

But Alex could still feel him unabashedly pulsing with dedication beneath his skin. The handprint was hidden by gauze, but that didn’t mean it was gone. And, tonight, he just wanted to get lost in that instead of the other bullshit. Michael loved him, he was sure of that, and they were on the same page this time. He knew that for sure. The handprint was proof.

“C’mere,” Alex said. Michael moved closer and Alex grabbed his arm whenever he was in reach, pulling him down for a kiss that didn’t last long. It was more of an excuse to have him close. “We both need showers.”

“We could take one together?”

“There’s nothing sexy about my shower chair,” Alex said. Michael grinned and shrugged a shoulder.

“So?”

They made their way to the bathroom and slowly started to strip, aching muscles catching up to them now that the adrenaline was gone pretty much completely. Alex hissed when he took the sleeve off his leg and Michael frowned at the red, irritated limb.

“I’m gonna be out of commission for a little while,” Alex admitted, slowly moving his eyes from his leg up to Michael. He was tired and his hair was flat, but Alex’s eyes were mainly on his hand. “Your bandana is gone.”

Michael looked down to it with confused eyes like he was shocked that it wasn’t where he left it. Alex watched him, waiting for him to get overwhelmed or uncomfortable like he usually did. Instead, he watched as he took a few steadying breaths and then looked back at Alex.

“Guess so.”

“Are you okay?” Alex wondered. Michael blinked once, twice, three times. Alex could feel just how discombobulated he felt, but he seemed like he was neutral. Like it wasn’t his favorite sight, but it didn’t hurt to look at as much as before. It was progress and Alex gave him a small, encouraging smile.

They took a shower in probably the least sexy way. There was no kissing, no touching outside passing soap, no nothing. It was just a shower. And Alex was more in love with him that he had words for. Wasn’t that insane?

They dried off and got dressed, still moving slow as fatigue got heavier and heavier. When they fell into bed, it was hard to even keep their eyes open. But Alex was conscious enough to look at the cameras. No one was there. He settled back to face Michael.

“Hey,” he whispered. Michael’s eyes dragged open. “Were you really gonna exchange that piece for me?”

A sleepy smile found his face and Alex’s heart thudded in his chest. He knew once the handprint faded, he would probably make Michael sleep on the couch until they got back to the proper level of non-handprint-affiliated trust, but right now he was high on this. On them.

“The first night we slept in this bed together, I promised I would kill anyone to keep you safe,” Michael said softly, “And maybe I didn’t kill anyone, but that was the same as saying I would do anything. Including giving up that piece I threw a big fit about. I’m a dick, I know, but you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

“Thank you,” Alex whispered. Michael scooted closer and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too.”

-

Michael woke up slow and sore, but he assumed Alex was worse so he didn’t focus on it.

The other side of the bed was empty, though, and Michael dragged himself to go find him. He wasn’t in the bathroom, so Michael quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a fresh bandana and made his way towards the living room. Cam and Kyle was on the couch still dead asleep, Cam playing the role of big spoon while being the only thing keeping the doctor on the couch. Michael tip-toed past them to the kitchen.

“Hey,” Alex said, looking up from his coffee with a smile.

“What are you doing up? We could’ve slept in,” Michael said. Alex shrugged.

“Couldn’t sleep anymore,” he admitted, letting Alex pull him close for another short kiss just because he wanted it, “I’ve got shit to start on anyways. Paperwork to do about my father and I need to go through a more military pathway to figure out what the Camerons are about.”

“What? Alex, you‒”

“Hey,” Alex said, silencing him, “You didn’t see how big of an operation there was. We got out ‘cause you happened to come when the least amount of people were there. It’s not just a little family thing, it’s an organization, okay? I need to stop it to keep you safe. It’ll be okay, I know what I’m dealing with now.”

Michael eyed him and wanted to protest, but he knew he was right. This was just his duty now. His and Kyle’s and Cam’s. That was just something he would have to accept. So he nodded and grabbed his mug, taking a sip. Alex laughed slightly and took it back.

“Well, how are you feeling about everything else? Your dad?” Michael asked. Alex’s eyes dropped the counter and he shrugged.

“I’ll be okay. Flint’s coming over later to talk about things and tell me what he knows. Without dad looming over him we can kinda team up.”

“Stay safe, please.”

“I will,” Alex agreed, looking back up at him. He grabbed Michael’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the bandana. He looked up at Michael for an explanation and he sort of shrugged. He was working on it. It didn’t feel as haunting, but when his mind was more clear, he didn’t want thoughts of it to fill the space. But Alex kissed over it and that made him feel a little better. “You know what I think you should do today?”

“What’s that?” Michael asked, stepping closer.

“I think you should go talk to Sanders.” Michael’s eyebrows tugged together and Alex smiled despite everything. “I think it would be good to talk about your mother with someone who knew her. You could fill him in on what we learned about her after the fact, if he wants to know, obviously. And you need to understand that he wasn’t intentionally lying to you. He was doing what felt like the right thing.”

Michael groaned and dropped his head against his shoulder, but he knew he was right. Alex typically was. 

So he went and finished getting dressed and brushed his teeth, trying to make himself somewhat presentable in the quickest way possible. He figured he could stop by Max’s after he talked with Sanders too, cover all his bases. That way he could come home without any guilt.

Alex walked him out onto the porch on his crutches and gave him a kiss goodbye. However, Michael barely made it halfway to his truck before he swiftly turned and ran back. If he was going to come back without any guilt, he needed to get something off his chest. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just… It’s our time, Alex. I know we’re not great yet, but we’re gonna be. I’m gonna make sure of it. No more lies for real this time,” Michael promised him. Alex’s smile that came next was bigger and more genuine that every smile he’d seen in the last week. It was beautiful and Michael already felt a weight lift off his shoulder.

“I know,” he said.

“We’re gonna have a happy ending this time,” Michael reiterated. Alex bit his bottom lip gently and nodded. 

“Now go and come home to me. I’ll force Kyle to make us lunch,” Alex said. Michael grinned and leaned in for another goodbye kiss.

“Sounds good. I love you.”

“Stay safe.”

The drive to the junkyard was quicker than usual and it had everything to do with Michael feeling better than he had in awhile. Despite all the chaos and the unsure things that laid in his future, he knew a couple things for certain. He wasn’t alone and he would be okay. As long as he tried, he would be okay. 

“Hey, Sanders,” Michael called as he walked up to the old man who was the only father figure he’d ever had and needed, “I was thinking we could talk?”

Sanders gave him a grumpy look that Michael knew as a smile and he was more sure than ever he was on the right path.

Life began now.

“Good idea, son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, what's this? An ending that would set up a plot of the next season while also wrapping up all the previous plot points in some way or another? Who knew that was possible? Sorry, had to end this with one last bit of spite.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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